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    dots Submission Name: Attention Whoredots

    Author: EmeraldJealousy
    Elite Ratio:    6.42 - 219/109/18
    Words: 56
    Class/Type: Random Thoughts/Longing
    Total Views: 1164
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 437

       i don't know where this came from- just experimenting with psychology and diction. ever did the extreme (even if it was negative) to capture some sort of attention from your heart's desire... ?

    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsAttention Whoredots

    Deliciously sullen,
    Swallowed whole by the logic in your eyes,
    This is the endless moment.

    Consciously graceless,
    Reveling in the pity from your whispers,
    Here lies the promise.

    Sadistically unkempt,
    Peddling sorrow from your thoughts,
    The eyes are straying.

    I am your object of affectionate attention.

    You just don't know it yet.

    Submitted on 2004-04-28 22:18:31     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!

    ||| Comments |||
      I like this, it's cut and dry. You said what you meant to say and nothing more. It's hard to do that in such a poetic form, you pulled it off well. After all the comments you have recieved on this I fear there isn't much I can say you haven't heard. Good write...oh wait you heard that too.

    Take Care,
    | Posted on 2005-05-29 00:00:00 | by UnspokenDreamer | [ Reply to This ]
      I like this poem... It's amusing... Not in a bad way though, mind you. It's beautifully written [Gah, I say that alot...] and cute! Keep on writing!
    | Posted on 2004-06-24 00:00:00 | by RealityTears | [ Reply to This ]
      great write i relate to what u say,not always thu.
    keep up the good work
    thanx for sharing
    | Posted on 2004-04-28 00:00:00 | by bilal anaim | [ Reply to This ]
      this is pretty to read, but i didn't grasp it's meaning, though i liked the individual lines - they're so fun to read aloud! maybe i just need another cookie, my blood sugar is probably low. =]

    | Posted on 2004-04-28 00:00:00 | by blueorchids | [ Reply to This ]
      This is an amazing write - go you for having this come out of toying around. I did get this poem - unlike the others, AND the words are pretty. Wow. I loved the lines "Deliciously sullen,
    Swallowed whole by the logic in your eyes," This makes total sense, way to go.

    ~ Niphredil
    | Posted on 2004-04-29 00:00:00 | by Niphredil | [ Reply to This ]
      this is very blunt. i like it. you did a good job of breaking off your stanzas at the end and keeping those two lines separate. it highlights the seriousness of your aim.
    | Posted on 2004-08-30 00:00:00 | by besodemuerte | [ Reply to This ]

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