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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: The Ghost of Doctor Flamingodots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: delusional
    ASL Info:    42
    Elite Ratio:    3.8 - 75/98/18
    Words: 109
    Class/Type: Misc/Misc
    Total Views: 821
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 760



    Description:
       Cant catagorize him- never could- he wouldnt like that very much....


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsThe Ghost of Doctor Flamingodots
    -------------------------------------------


    In the stillness of my mind,
    a seance was performed;
    I conjured up your spirit-
    found my thoughts transformed.

    Your misty forms and shadows
    are haunting all my days,
    I'm calling for an exorcism-
    I cant make you go away.

    You're supernatural baby!
    I'll never meet you in the flesh-
    A bright red aura envelopes me
    as I lie in my unrest.

    Your discarnate spirit
    hovers above my bed-
    hear my silent invocation-
    let me touch you before I'm dead.

    I fall into a trance-like sleep,
    my hand in yours beneath the stars,
    we merge in perfect harmony-
    all planes of exsistence are now ours.




    Submitted on 2006-01-25 08:22:09     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      This wasa nice way to descibe u with your sole mate. The story was good but the structure u need to work on for your next piece. Like the ryming structure keep the words the same like this on for instanse->

    In the stillness of my mind,
    a seance was performed;
    I conjured up your spirit-
    found my thoughts transformed



    performed rymed with trabsformed but mind doesnt ryme with spirit. Well its your writing so I guess its fine. It is hard but I think you can do it. It might take longer to try it. You might like it.
    | Posted on 2006-01-27 00:00:00 | by DrewDilla | [ Reply to This ]
      Well, well. I'm sure the good doctor is very touched by this, and so it would seem, were YOU. (lol) "my hand in yours beneath the stars"

    If I were this person (lets just say...) I would be very moved. Some things stay very close, and only get closer on a certain level with time, don't they?

    Reminds me of a time at Eagle Rock, foggy windows and an anoying cop who, thank god, didn't show up five minutes earlier. Something I think about from time to time, don't you...
    | Posted on 2006-01-26 00:00:00 | by Jason The Basta | [ Reply to This ]
      I can't just see a title like that and not read & comment! So here you go:

    Awesome title. But you already knew that.
    I'm having trouble figuring out what this is actually about. The first two lines drew me in, but then... you lose me. I like the metaphor of a seance in one's mind, but you force it later on in the poem, with the exorcism, the trance, etc. At least from the title and the first two lines, it feels like this wants to turn into a good story-poem, i
    , where you're telling a story and the reader is left feeling what the emotions you want to convey. What you're currently doing, I think, is just pining for this person?

    But you've definitely got a good start, whatever it is you're trying to do.
    | Posted on 2006-01-25 00:00:00 | by bitterlily | [ Reply to This ]
      the first stanza drew my interest (having a curious title) however the middle part just threw me into oblivion.. it didn't seem to match your initial setting. and couldn't place my finger on what was going on. keep working on it though. im sure u have a good idea what you would like to portray.
    | Posted on 2006-01-25 00:00:00 | by vohomegirl | [ Reply to This ]


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