Writingpoetry

[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

dotsdots
nav
  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav



    nav
  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav



    << | >>
    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Wouldn't it be like me?dots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: Akili
    Elite Ratio:    2.36 - 915/400/60
    Words: 383
    Class/Type: Poetry/Serious
    Total Views: 1233
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 2328



    Description:
       Don't really like the way this ends, so I might work with it a bit more then re-post my work of doggy poo


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsWouldn't it be like me?dots
    -------------------------------------------


    wouldn’t it be just like me
    to stand in the snow and cry
    as the pureness of it all covers the ground and sky.

    and couldn’t it be
    that the world around us today
    is just a dream within a dream?

    is the coma one goes into
    some day of our life
    just an escape from this reality?

    nature is full of deer
    and bears which rip and tear
    poor critters that couldn’t find a place in Bambi

    when the taxi comes
    and death is the driver
    do we ask him to stop to sightsee?

    And wouldn’t it be like me
    To ignore you forever
    Act like it’s nothing when it always was

    When the sky really does fall
    Do we run around screaming
    Or sue someone for mental health damage

    Goblins at the door and vampires under the rug
    Is it any wonder why
    We laugh at the thought of bombs

    Would we dance together one last time
    So we can again show trueness
    That we could only find in ourselves?

    Wouldn’t it be like you
    To keep on fighting for something you
    Never really believed in?

    And couldn’t it be like me
    To keep on going
    Even when the sand has gone way over

    When the kittens sing
    That song of death and birth
    Do we understand what they say

    What was it all worth
    This blackness and this pain
    Or was it just a speck of dust in the eye

    And when we get born again
    Would we find each other again
    Did you recall how I felt before

    The world would end someday
    In all it’s smoke or tears
    In our beds and under the sea

    They walk down the hall
    Hand in hand with only each other
    And yet everyone

    A child gives a cry in the night
    Another monster at the door
    And when she grows she will learn

    That monsters come in all shapes and forms
    And what doesn’t kill or break you
    Will make you stronger someday

    And yet once you allow it to hurt you
    In such a soulful way….

    Maybe you allowed it to take over you
    And you can never win




    Submitted on 2006-01-25 11:23:29     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      I really like this. I just love the last 7 lines just seems so wise( I couldn't find the right word). I truely do like this piece. So much truth to it.
    Great write hun,
    -Jenny
    | Posted on 2006-12-12 00:00:00 | by Darklonelygirl | [ Reply to This ]
      Hey, I agree with the other posts, this is an excellent write! In all honesty, when I start reading it, I reached the part of bambi and I stopped reading it, just to take a sneak peak at the bottom and see if it was infact worth reading. I'm not sure why, but that stanza just took me right out of there. However, after seeing the comment, I went back up again and read through the entire thing, and it was infact a worth while read. I don't know what it is about the stanza really, I guess it was just different, not as deep as the rest of the poem; I love disney movies, but maybe they're not the best thing to bring in. lol. Anyway, over all though, it was really good and I hope to see more from you!
    | Posted on 2006-05-07 00:00:00 | by stefhy | [ Reply to This ]
      holy hell aki! this is frickin' magnificent!

    my god, after i read this i just sat there in shock because it's so good... and i'm serious here, i'm not just trying to get on your good side.
    *bows to aki* you my darling, are a genius.
    this is my favorite stanza:

    "when the taxi comes
    and death is the driver
    do we ask him to stop to sightsee?"

    the only thing that threw me off was the stanza where you talk about bambi... it doesn't really fit with the rest of the piece, in my mind at least.

    dude, this is going in my favorites... you've done an awesome job aki!

    -jess
    | Posted on 2006-01-27 00:00:00 | by wildchild | [ Reply to This ]
      Wow, Aki, did you life just take a turn that I totaly missed? This isn't my hopeful Aki, this is a down to Earth "grown-up" Aki. Scary, but very true poem, girly.

    Had it been anyone else I would have said good, and that parts that really stood out to me, but knowing you...it's makes me sad.

    This poem literally makes me want to cry. You are growing up, though you may not know it...

    *Sighs*

    I love you Aki, childish or not.

    Bon
    | Posted on 2006-01-25 00:00:00 | by Krazy | [ Reply to This ]
      Great ideas and formatt.Picture painting,writer and artist.I liked...
    *A child gives a cry in the night
    Another monster at the door
    And when she grows she will learn
    That monsters come in all shapes and forms
    And what doesn’t kill or break you
    Will make you stronger someday
    And yet once you allow it to hurt you
    In such a soulful way….
    Maybe you allowed it to take over you
    And you can never win*
    its true.
    | Posted on 2006-01-25 00:00:00 | by nosferotu_gurl | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?



    88818

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

    Delicious Stews written by elephantasia
    Snippet written by Daniel Barlow
    (Untitled Song) written by TeslaKoyal
    When Sirens Whisper written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Adoration written by TheStillSilence
    Honeymoon written by TheStillSilence
    Night- time written by Daniel Barlow
    Not the Devil, but the Wind written by endlessgame23
    no sky on the other side written by teika5
    None the Wiser written by endlessgame23
    Live In Between written by teika5
    Untitled written by Daniel Barlow
    Dream written by closetpoet
    Keep written by TheStillSilence
    // Seasonal Song written by ShadowParadox
    Verse: written by Daniel Barlow
    In a Corner written by jeniecel
    Relentless. The Visceral Fracture. written by Daniel Barlow
    A Worsening Effect written by Daniel Barlow
    Sword in the Water written by Wolfwatching
    untitled written by Outlaw
    Compartments written by TheStillSilence
    Florida's Autumn Solstice written by closetpoet
    Lost Inside the Race written by ForgottenGraves
    The World written by jjd
    Coversheets written by TheStillSilence
    Gaia written by endlessgame23
    Things They (Don't) Say written by TheStillSilence
    Loop-di-Loop written by endlessgame23
    Twin Intercept written by Daniel Barlow

    Google
     


    poetry

    dotsLogindots

    User Name:

    Password:

    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]


    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems
    Posted

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]



    FontSize:
    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]
     Poetry