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What is this I feel?


Author: Flamequill
ASL Info:    17/Male/Sparta Michigan
Elite Ratio:    3.42 - 77 /97 /35
Words: 121
Class/Type: Poetry /BrokenHeart
Total Views: 1107
Average Vote:    No vote yet.
Bytes: 854



Description:


Eh....it's not my best but yeah...at least I tried. I wrote this because my girlfriend dumped me...That's a bad word...I guess I still can't get over her. Help me out guys...with the write and forgetting her....


What is this I feel?



What is this I feel?
This pain of mind
this weight of heart

Ecstasy removed from life
Elixer purged from souls
Poison instilled in love

I allowed myself to love
I would've done anything for you
I even left becuase you asked

I won't fight
I'm too weak
love saps my strength

Remember me
as I try to forget you
the few times we loved

Forget me
as I try to remember
what happiness is like

What is this I feel
an emptiness inside
a weakness of soul

Poison destroying spirit
Pain killing love
Elixer purged from life

It's the lack of love
it's the death of souls
it's the coma of life




Submitted on 2006-01-25 12:31:41     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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Comments


  I can feel your feelings in this, and I think, as I read your words, my own heart was breaking a little. there were a few minor spelling errors, but that's easily fixable. I am sorry your girlfriend dumped you. It always sucks having your heart broken. But, know, you're not alone.
~Torie
| Posted on 2006-02-16 00:00:00 | by lebeauvide | [ Reply to This ]
  What is this I feel?
This pain of mind
this weight of heart

Ecstasy removed from life
Elixer purged from souls
Poison instilled in love

I like these stanzas, they flow nicely.

I allowed myself to love
I would've done anything for you
I even left becuase you asked

I won't fight
I'm too weak
love saps my strength

But these are a bit forced, they don't fit in the same way.
It's too bad you fall in love so easily.
| Posted on 2006-01-28 00:00:00 | by Augustine | [ Reply to This ]
  Sorry, for what was bestowed upon you...(getting dumped). Dont worry youll get over her eventually, right? The thing is when one really digs another person, it's hard to just erase them from your memory. I really like the organized format here.
| Posted on 2006-01-26 00:00:00 | by SavedDragon | [ Reply to This ]
  I think that the first 3 stanzas could be edited but the rest flowed really well and meant alot..
Pretty good..

Amber
| Posted on 2006-01-25 00:00:00 | by PoeticSoul666 | [ Reply to This ]
  i can totally relate to this and i think al ot of people will. i liek this a lot. its emotional and i know everyone hurts from abroken heart at least once. you'll get over it. keep up the great work.
love
tina
| Posted on 2006-01-25 00:00:00 | by ladiesplanet1 | [ Reply to This ]
  i love the way u expressed ur self...i know how ur feeling rite now coz i'm feeling the same way. get over someone isnt easy... and like u i cant seem to get over this guy i like...i wnat to but i cant... neway i loved your work and keep it up.

karen.
| Posted on 2006-01-25 00:00:00 | by submarine | [ Reply to This ]
  OUCH. You can feel the pain in this. I liked it a lot though. In some ways I can relate. Love is a strange thing, no matter what you do or what happens its what keeps us alive, what keeps us going. Keep writing, I liked this one.
| Posted on 2006-01-25 00:00:00 | by nasuka | [ Reply to This ]


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