Roses are red by darkened

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Submission Name: Roses are red dots

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Author:	darkened_soul
Elite Ratio:	3.38 - 812/868/171
Words:	98

Class/Type:	Poetry/Love
Total Views:	394
Average Vote:	No vote yet.
Bytes:	782

Description:
I hope you enjoy this. That's all I have to say!

Roses are red dots

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Roses are red
Like the color
Of the glossy
Lipstick
You wear
On your luscious lips.
Like the fiery
Color of
Your hair
And their tips.
Like the color
of your blood
As it pours
Out from your arm.
Like the firey
Cozy blanket
That’s kept you
Warm.
But:
Your lips are
Now glossed
In a charcoal
Black.
Your fiery
Red hair
Is darker
Than that.
Your blood
Now bleeds
As black
As night.
And your cozy
Red blanket
Is no longer
In site.
You’ve changed
And won't
Look back
Roses are red
But this one
Is black.

Submitted on 2006-01-25 14:12:11 Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

1: >_<
2: I dunno...
3: meh!
4: Pretty cool
5: Wow!

||| Comments |||
  wow thats all i have to say! its subtle and deep at the same time. It flows so well and makes you read on.
| Posted on 2006-02-12 00:00:00 | by BigRed | [ Reply to This ]
  Creative.Individual.I liked it though the words are odd.Nice flow and idea.Honest.I dont have much more to say so I guess you renderd me speechless.Good job.
| Posted on 2006-02-16 00:00:00 | by nosferotu_gurl | [ Reply to This ]
  wow I like this. usually I dont like poetry that doesnt rhyme bu this is really good. I like the last lines the best;
Roses are red
But this one
Is black
| Posted on 2006-02-03 00:00:00 | by Alura | [ Reply to This ]
  Wow! Oh, I loved it. It was opposite ends. It just flowed on. Nice imagination. It was really, actually beautiful.
inkpen
| Posted on 2006-01-28 00:00:00 | by inkpen | [ Reply to This ]
  this was amazing! but i agree with some of the others, it might be hard for someone to focus their attention on this. but i loved it, and if flowed nicely. keep up the awesome writing
| Posted on 2006-01-27 00:00:00 | by jen531 | [ Reply to This ]
  Wow, this poem was amazing. It sounded like the person in the poem has gone gothic? I loved how you wrote the poem...with incomplete lines. It gave the poem character.
And your cozy
Red blanket
Is no longer
In site

I loved this line.
| Posted on 2006-01-27 00:00:00 | by jessie thomas | [ Reply to This ]
  Wow. This is the most awesome thing I ever read!
I especially love the ending:
"Roses are red
But this one
Is black."
This poem had really good metaphors in it, too.
I like how the person was a certain type of person in the beginning, but then a totally different person at the end.
Definantely a fav!
Keep up the great work!

-Shadow
| Posted on 2006-01-27 00:00:00 | by Lavender | [ Reply to This ]
  Roses are red
But this one
Is black.

the ending was the bestest ending ive ever read. i have always belived ending something is the hardest thing ever and not just a poem i mean ANYTHING. and this was good, cauught me off gaurd but i really liked it.

i read this poem while lisening to the song family portriat by pink and with the starting it sounds like it shoudl go with the beat of that song. good write !
| Posted on 2006-01-26 00:00:00 | by crazzybeautiful | [ Reply to This ]
  This was really good, the metaphors where great, but i agree with pabapfc Why has the rose changed? Sadness or just because? Other than that was really good hope to hear form you and keep up the good work.
| Posted on 2006-01-25 00:00:00 | by seven11 | [ Reply to This ]
  Hm... That was pretty good... But why? Why has the rose changed? Sadness or just because?
Over all it's pretty good... I liked it :D
-Miss
| Posted on 2006-01-25 00:00:00 | by Pabapfc | [ Reply to This ]
  I do like this, but I have to agree with invisiblerose. The way that it is written makes it hard for the reader to focus. The content is what matter though, and I think that it was great. Although I am a little bias towards poems with roses in them. :D
LeAnna
| Posted on 2006-01-25 00:00:00 | by RedRoseofBlood | [ Reply to This ]
  wow! I really love this poem. The way the lines are seperated are a little hard to read, but the content was amazing. I really like your style. And how things started out good with this person, but they changed. The transition was great. Because there wasn't any doubt of what just happend. Good work :) Can't wait to read more of your writings.
| Posted on 2006-01-25 00:00:00 | by invisiblerose | [ Reply to This ]
  This flowed very well and had a taunting feel to it which fit with the ending.
I agree with how it flowed down the page - good visual.
Great!
Love,Peace,Joy&Smilez 2 share
tif
| Posted on 2006-01-25 00:00:00 | by Epiphany | [ Reply to This ]
  oh wow. i am totaly in awe of your work. i think we all know someone like this an=d i hope to read more by you soon. i like this piece alot. keep up the amazing ly awesoem work.
love
tina
| Posted on 2006-01-25 00:00:00 | by ladiesplanet1 | [ Reply to This ]
  Very good, i like the layout on the page it forces the reader to almost rush down the page and the change of tone comes as a shock. The contrasts have the desired effect and create a powerful image of change.

Smee
| Posted on 2006-01-25 00:00:00 | by Smee | [ Reply to This ]
  i like the beat of th epoem and the message of a coming of age, loss of innocence.. and all the pain of growing up.. nicely done
| Posted on 2006-03-11 00:00:00 | by mimi | [ Reply to This ]
  ooooo i really like how you only have a few words if not only one per line. it makes them more emphasized as you read.
i love the smooth flow of this.
good visuals and metaphors showing the destructive change of a person!
| Posted on 2006-03-10 00:00:00 | by andnow | [ Reply to This ]

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