Sometimes when I speak
the words aren't audible
it's hidden behind a classic smile
Never taken seriously
could there be intelligence in a flower?
Feelings in a simple raindrop?
They only see the casing
a slipcover, mosaic artwork
Invisible tears fight to be seen
Welling up inside a crystal vase
Stop to smell this flower
Taste the salty rain from my eyes
A touch can cure such lonliness
Find the someone that I am.
| There is such intense feeling in this, and so much artistry! You have certainly "touched" the reader here, and have made him wish he could, in turn, reach out to touch you! Good work, Sorrel! I've been reading your work a few poems at a time. I don't want to spoil or dull my enjoyment by reading too many at once.||| Posted on 2006-11-25 00:00:00 | by Ron Cole | [ Reply to This ] || Having read some of your work I feel like I am in a smoky house looking for the fire...|
Let's see some flame!
|| Posted on 2006-11-17 00:00:00 | by Beekeeper | [ Reply to This ] || I think I understand this poem and you a|
little? You feel that everyone only see's you for being a beautiful women and you have empty thoughts in your head? You seem like a very smart person thats on the ball, not much seem to get you down? You like mysalf needs to just have another person to share in lifes strugles .
We all call for help and sometimes we fear that no one is listening. I'm getting off the subject and way to personal. Sorry ! This touched me deep and I am glad you sharred it with us all! Thanks.
|| Posted on 2006-10-28 00:00:00 | by whendt | [ Reply to This ] || Sorry again... I have never done this before and especially not twice but this poem just blows my mind...|
You see I have never been that... that overly nice filled with all the common and pleasantries kind of person... I am a very caring person, but very blunt at times and sometimes I admit that I can be too serious... so no one has ever looked at me like this or thought of me like this. Can you believe though that I am a bit jealous? I wish I could be like that... just a little. I know... why would I want people to see me that way... well sometimes I don't know how to enjoy the small things and soak up the frivolous moments. I don't know how to smile to everyone I see, I can't even fake smile for a picture... it isn't because I am not happy, I just don't have that piece of personality. The kind I see in you. Where you can shine no matter what the occasion, and you always make people feel wanted. I hope this all makes sense... sometimes I can become a little out there with my thoughts... but somehow I always manage my way back to reality.
wow... ok I'll stop two comments is plenty I suppose.. but this piece is just amazing.
|| Posted on 2006-05-18 00:00:00 | by UnspokenDreamer | [ Reply to This ] || Its funny how that works... just as I am seeing no doubt in you, and no weakness, when I finally believe it enough to say it, I read this next... and here you are. |
I think it is actually comforting to know that you struggle too. Don't we all though? I don't know what it feels like to be like you... how can you put it into words... to me so far in you I see, a very intelligent girl, with ambition and will-power, who is trapped in a world that could never contain her. And this 'slipcover' of beauty met with a cute and playful (classic) smile makes everyone assume that you are nothing more than a flower. I love how you got into such detail, smelling the flower and tasting it, finding out the innermost details, wanting to be noticed for something other than physical features. "Find the something that I am" wow. I find it amazing... oh nevermind.. I repeat myself too much some times.. but I think, in reguard to the last line, I know exactly how you feel.
This is by far the best poem I have read in a long long time. Thank you for that, and thank you for sharing such an intimate part of yourself.
|| Posted on 2006-05-18 00:00:00 | by UnspokenDreamer | [ Reply to This ] || Why is it that I find the fact that you, not being seen as what you are, that just dosen't fit. But you make it so easy to understand where you're coming from here. This is the classic case of 'not being seen for what you are worth' scenario, yet you brighten it and make it your own. It's a common problem that you've shared with others, and I'm sure you've made a difference in at least one heart. This is a favorite. You write so well and you express yourself perfectly, so that the reader has no doubts what you're trying to convey. Great job.|
|| Posted on 2006-06-13 00:00:00 | by Greyson | [ Reply to This ] || somewhere i have never traveled, gladly beyond|
any experience, your eyes have their silence:
in your most frail gesture are things which enclose me,
or which i cannot touch because they are too near
your slightest look easily will enclose me
though i have closed myself as fingers,
you open always petal by petal myself as Spring opens
(touching skillfully, mysteriously) her first rose
or if your wish be to close me, i and
my life will shut very beautifully, suddenly,
as when the heart of this flower imagines
the snow carefully everywhere descending;
nothing which we are to perceive in this world equals
the power of your intense fragility: whose texture
compels me with the color of its countries,
rendering death and forever with each breathing
( i do not know what it is about you that closes
and opens; only something in me understands
the voice of your eyes is deeper than all roses)
nobody, not even the rain, has such small hands
-E. E. Cummings
|| Posted on 2006-02-13 00:00:00 | by twacky | [ Reply to This ] || Well, this is different. Like a person who knows themself, but realizes not many do, though they claim they do. |
It had a nice and charming tone underlaying the sadness of it as well.
|| Posted on 2006-02-03 00:00:00 | by hyproglo | [ Reply to This ] || I can definately relate to this piece, at least in one regard. People don't seem to take my feelings, my pain seriously. I'm not very outspoken, and I don't cry much (outwardly), but my pain is still real, my feelings, even in a single tear. |
I love the line "Stop to smell this flower"
how about Drink from this vase and
You don't really need to change it,
but it does add to the flow and rhyme of the piece, and would make it easier for slow people like me to pick up on that image, and what a powerful image. When I finally got it, I was like Whoa! I kept struggling with the consistency of the imagery, but it all fits. I'm still not sure about the last two lines, if they need to be said,
because they are already spoken within the piece.
I am deeply affected by this piece.
Great write, and a Fav,
|| Posted on 2006-01-31 00:00:00 | by nicelyJ | [ Reply to This ] || I personally don't think you have to change a thing. Too many times people feel this exact same way, we are looked at for what we are, not who we are. Society labels and marks us as infants, so we tend to grow in this kind of incorrect hogwash. My advice, stay beautiful on the inside, and you'll find what you're looking for.|
*bunches of hugs*
|| Posted on 2006-01-26 00:00:00 | by SouthrnQT | [ Reply to This ] || love the new one! we are not these crude, ever-changing, ever-aging flesh shells; that is just where we reside. our bodies are merely dusty book covers protecting what's inside. this reminds me of a poem i wrote called "roadkill"; the message, not the style. how often people can look at us and think that because something external pleases them, then we will no doubt continue to please them. it's so sad. people can see beauty and, because they are suddenly consumed by wanting to possess that beauty, they refuse to see what's inside, be it wonderful or wicked.|
very very well done :)
|| Posted on 2006-01-26 00:00:00 | by treybur | [ Reply to This ] || This is an excellent example of "Confessional Poetry" if you will excuse the highly over-used term. It speaks subtle little volumes with each line, always hinting at something more, something words just won't say however the pen may try to romance them, that's what makes a good poem for me.|
I can relate to the feeling of being some strange sort of patchwork, the sensing of more then the intellect would descern in every object because of its complexities hidden behind the narrow layers that convention has enforced upon us all.
The lines questioning the undescribed essence of things like a flower and raindrop are excellently played off the one early on about the "classic smile" and what hides behind it, however unintentionally.
Also, I think: "Taste the salty rain from my eyes" is the best line in the poem. It is a sincear invitation for the unnamed "other" to step beyond the plaer restraints of our daily assumptions about each other. Very beautiful.
My only suggestions would be to add some punctuation to the lines to clear up the natural pauses and breaks of the lines. The space between the notes is as much a part of the music as anything else.
I really enjoyed reading this.
Jason the [censored]
|| Posted on 2006-01-25 00:00:00 | by Jason The Basta | [ Reply to This ] || Taste the salty rain from my eyes|
For some reason, that line derailed me. I was thoroughly enjoying the choice of words you used, and then you hit me with that. I don't know, it just doesn't seem to go. "salty rain" would be the two words that I say bothered me the most.
But besides that, I really enjoyed reading your poem. The abstract ambigious confrontation of such a problem was very well done. Not something so over done, but when it's used, it's always good. Though, I'm not gonna say I thoroughly understood what you were saying. But the message came across. The lonliness, and despair. Though,about what, I'm uncertain. But I'm sure that was your approach, abstractness. Very nice job. Definantely worthy of a favorite.
|| Posted on 2006-01-25 00:00:00 | by Secrets Unheard | [ Reply to This ] || You seem to be saying that you want to meet someone genuine who will take you for who you are, someone who'll listen and not just nod their head or take you for granted and ultimately make you more whole. |
Or that's how it seems, and nicely written too, although I would say that (and I said this to Mike[inspirit999]) the word crystal is becoming more and more frequent throughout ES. Although I don't think it's cliché, it is losing the enigma it once had because of frequent use, especialy I find in context with tears and I avoid it. Saying that you have every right to use it and its use here isn't tacky. I don't use non rhyme (and not without trying) as I'm just too clumsy with it, so feel awkward commenting. Thanks
|| Posted on 2006-01-27 00:00:00 | by Vastmark | [ Reply to This ] |