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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: The Delirious Heartbreakerdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: Secrets Unheard
    ASL Info:    18/m/nj
    Elite Ratio:    4.25 - 84/101/48
    Words: 199
    Class/Type: Poetry/Misc
    Total Views: 1003
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1129



    Description:
       Hm. I don't really know what came over me. It's something along the lines of a warning like the two previous poems I've written of man kind's behaviors. But this one is about love and it's guises, I guess. Enjoy. Remember, I write for you guys. ;).


    On structure, I took no certain breaks. I just broke I guess where I felt it was needed. Bash it if you will, I don't mind.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsThe Delirious Heartbreakerdots
    -------------------------------------------


    Love is a liar, a user, a drug. Yes, I'm standing on a soap box, I'll preach free of charge. So come one, come all, and hear it from the heart-broken heart-breaker.

    Love cannot be trusted, yet we wash the blood of it's previous victim off the blade and take another stab. I ask you humans: Why? What is it in love that keeps you longing for it's ghost? A ghost that you can not see, just feel. A phantom that promises only wickedness and mischief.

    Love will leave you broke at the corner store, with just a quarter to your possesion. Though you know you should save, you'll waste it on one more love song. A quarter wasted. Three minutes flowing out the open window, three minutes of wasted time.

    Love can be compared to Lucifer, decieving and questionable. Leaving mankind unwanted in god's arms. Unwanted in our own.

    So if you could, please, step on my soap box and whisper to me, fragil mind, why love is worth the sacrifice.

    I see a dove overhead, I see a crow in it's path. A worthy fight, or a massacre at hand?




    Submitted on 2006-01-25 16:37:34     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      I was reading someone elses poem and I was reminded of this which I had read before and I'm not sure why, but the first stanza has always been in my mind since. After reading it again, I realize that it's amazing. The entire thing. Submit this for TeenArts? I've actually been reading alot of your old pieces (I have a ten page paper to do, so I elite instead) and I want to comment all of them, but I can't keep saying that you're awesome.

    "fragil" is fragile mind.

    Getting that out of the way, the imagery is great, you made a scene perfectly visible in my mind. The first two stanza's really grabbed you in and I like the ghost thing.

    The love can be compared to Lucifer line kinda knocked off the balance of the poem, it sounded more like something you would write in an essay. Ahh, essay. I have a paper to write. I'm favoriting this one and put some new stuff up sometime?
    | Posted on 2007-02-03 00:00:00 | by Dimension_X | [ Reply to This ]
      Hey... thank you for the recent comment on my piece entitled Again. I am glad that you enjoyed it... however, I am also sorry that it had to be a love poem / lyrics...lol. I guess it's obvious... I tend to either write about heart break of simple love. I'm glad you liked it though.

    I really enjoyed this piece of yours I mush say. It's kind of an eye opener, from a blunt realistic point of view. I've asked myself questions from within this piece during some of my most heart wrentching and confusing times.
    To me, this was a brillant write.
    I truly admire you for putting a different spin, simple perspective on a truth about love.

    Thanks again.
    Nice piece.

    Crystal
    | Posted on 2006-01-29 00:00:00 | by purely_complex | [ Reply to This ]
      It pains me to see that you've capitolised "Lucifer" but not "God". My main critcism is that this is not really poetry. It sounds more like prose, and I suggest you catagorise it as so. As for my other observations, I'll list them in order:

    P1/L3: "heart-broken heart-breaker"
    P2/L1: "cannot"
    L2: remove the comma before "and"
    L2 (again): replace the comma before "why" with a colon.
    L5: I say break (create a new paragrpah) with "Love".
    L7: say "Three" instead of "3"
    P3/L2: "God's"

    And that's all. Hope I've helped in some way. I really did enjoy this.

    DeepDreamer2008
    | Posted on 2006-01-26 00:00:00 | by DeepDreamer2008 | [ Reply to This ]
      Interesting write. I feel the torture that a mind and heart go through with infatuation, love, lust...all things that, when you think about it, are not what make up love at all. Here it seems that the confusion has consumed this soul to the point where he has the scales either tipped too far one way...or too far the other. His problem...he cannot seem to find even weight on both sides...therefore, he cheapens love to a mere 25 cents...as if too frustrated to pursue it any longer...just giving up because he knows that, should he even be tempted to taste love again...it will never work out...favorite line: "...I see a dove overhead, I see a crow in it's path." That seemed to pretty much sum it all up in a nutshell!

    Hey...if you can find another quarter, someone wrote a poem called, "Only one Chance...!" LOL! Just kidding...

    I really liked this write...you had my attention throughout... Normally, I prefer rhymes and fluency...but something drew me in and kept me there!

    Thanks for sharing!
    Kimmy
    | Posted on 2006-01-25 00:00:00 | by KimmyMim | [ Reply to This ]
      That is one of the best way that I have ever heard love described.
    It's all true, and worded perfectly.
    It shows the darker side of love, that people don't think about while they're happily dreaming that it'll last forever... but it doesn't.
    My favorite part is, "Though you know you should save, you'll waste it on one more love song."
    Love songs make me sad.
    As always dear, Very beautifully done

    -nikkki
    | Posted on 2006-01-25 00:00:00 | by Liv2LoveThePain | [ Reply to This ]


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    88849

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.


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