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    dots Submission Name: silhouettes and daffodillsdots

    Author: all the english boys
    ASL Info:    15
    Elite Ratio:    2.76 - 173/239/46
    Words: 143
    Class/Type: Poetry/Longing
    Total Views: 1337
    Average Vote:    5.0000
    Bytes: 826


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    dotssilhouettes and daffodillsdots

    regeneration of a small itch on the nape of my neck
    i'd check for ticks if my hand wasn't busy writing this
    and if i could put one foot in front of the other
    instead of this mobile dyslexia
    i'd make my way over to your part of this place
    draw my silhouette on your staircase
    and take this candle and warm your back
    if this green wax melted away with the chimes
    of an old grandfather clock you burned years ago
    then i would die with a laugh in my eyes
    if they stopped burning
    we'd settle for a subtle espionage i'll get bored of
    but if i got to plan these revels in this ghost town of a field
    i'd lay you down and leave you to wish on the weeds
    and let a long dead daffodil kiss your fingers

    Submitted on 2004-04-28 23:25:54     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      reading this was like rooting around in a garage sale box, finding treasure and coming across trash in someone else's hodge-podge collection of Old Things. i loved parts of this and other parts i could pass in a crowd and not miss it. it's very image provoking which is refreshing. i'm tired of reading words that i can't see in life in my mind. =]

    | Posted on 2004-05-24 00:00:00 | by blueorchids | [ Reply to This ]
      a dark half romance interjected with wonderful and lasting pieces of imagery. the pieces do not fade into obscurity. rather, they linger and build upon each other. they heighten, you play with syllabic meaning well, and although it's been stated three times, the imagery you present is whimsical, yet earthbound.
    | Posted on 2004-05-22 00:00:00 | by freeradical | [ Reply to This ]
      cool, i know what it means but have absolutely no clue at the same time. i can almost grasp the concept but it's teasing my finger tips untill i can fully understand. i like it alot though, i know i like the meaning i just need to find the complete essence of it first
    | Posted on 2004-04-28 00:00:00 | by Skillessbasterd | [ Reply to This ]
      has a strong feeling of romance, kind of a dark feeling coming from this is it about hidden desires? I believe the last line was the clincher, you used wonderful imagery for instance"I would check for ticks...silhouette on your staircase..ghost town of a field..wish on the weeds...long dead daffodil" puts the reader right up front to watch the show. reminds me of high school crushes I had, put wonderfully the hidden emotions
    | Posted on 2004-04-29 00:00:00 | by brokenbatman | [ Reply to This ]
      I agree with Skilllessbasterd totally. I love your images. "Then i would die with a laugh in my eyes" is just the [censored].
    | Posted on 2004-04-29 00:00:00 | by cuddledumplin | [ Reply to This ]

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