Writingpoetry

[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

dotsdots
nav
  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav



    nav
  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav



    << | >>
    poetry


    dots Submission Name: silhouettes and daffodillsdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: all the english boys
    ASL Info:    15
    Elite Ratio:    2.76 - 173/239/46
    Words: 143
    Class/Type: Poetry/Longing
    Total Views: 1313
    Average Vote:    5.0000
    Bytes: 826



    Description:
       


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotssilhouettes and daffodillsdots
    -------------------------------------------


    regeneration of a small itch on the nape of my neck
    i'd check for ticks if my hand wasn't busy writing this
    and if i could put one foot in front of the other
    instead of this mobile dyslexia
    i'd make my way over to your part of this place
    draw my silhouette on your staircase
    and take this candle and warm your back
    if this green wax melted away with the chimes
    of an old grandfather clock you burned years ago
    then i would die with a laugh in my eyes
    if they stopped burning
    we'd settle for a subtle espionage i'll get bored of
    but if i got to plan these revels in this ghost town of a field
    i'd lay you down and leave you to wish on the weeds
    and let a long dead daffodil kiss your fingers




    Submitted on 2004-04-28 23:25:54     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      reading this was like rooting around in a garage sale box, finding treasure and coming across trash in someone else's hodge-podge collection of Old Things. i loved parts of this and other parts i could pass in a crowd and not miss it. it's very image provoking which is refreshing. i'm tired of reading words that i can't see in life in my mind. =]

    ~Blue
    | Posted on 2004-05-24 00:00:00 | by blueorchids | [ Reply to This ]
      a dark half romance interjected with wonderful and lasting pieces of imagery. the pieces do not fade into obscurity. rather, they linger and build upon each other. they heighten, you play with syllabic meaning well, and although it's been stated three times, the imagery you present is whimsical, yet earthbound.
    | Posted on 2004-05-22 00:00:00 | by freeradical | [ Reply to This ]
      cool, i know what it means but have absolutely no clue at the same time. i can almost grasp the concept but it's teasing my finger tips untill i can fully understand. i like it alot though, i know i like the meaning i just need to find the complete essence of it first
    | Posted on 2004-04-28 00:00:00 | by Skillessbasterd | [ Reply to This ]
      has a strong feeling of romance, kind of a dark feeling coming from this is it about hidden desires? I believe the last line was the clincher, you used wonderful imagery for instance"I would check for ticks...silhouette on your staircase..ghost town of a field..wish on the weeds...long dead daffodil" puts the reader right up front to watch the show. reminds me of high school crushes I had, put wonderfully the hidden emotions
    | Posted on 2004-04-29 00:00:00 | by brokenbatman | [ Reply to This ]
      I agree with Skilllessbasterd totally. I love your images. "Then i would die with a laugh in my eyes" is just the [censored].
    | Posted on 2004-04-29 00:00:00 | by cuddledumplin | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?



    8885

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

    A Sense Of Things written by Daniel Barlow
    Vortex: The Imagination That Is written by KeeperOfLight
    Twin Intercept written by Daniel Barlow
    Relentless. The Visceral Fracture. written by Daniel Barlow
    Snippet written by Daniel Barlow
    Live In Between written by teika5
    A Thousand Reflections written by endlessgame23
    Ciggarettes written by Poetic_tragedy6
    Untitled written by Daniel Barlow
    To the Artist written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Gaia written by endlessgame23
    // Seasonal Song written by ShadowParadox
    Coversheets written by TheStillSilence
    Things They (Don't) Say written by TheStillSilence
    None the Wiser written by endlessgame23
    Beauty Rest written by jackz
    Loop-di-Loop written by endlessgame23
    Dream written by closetpoet
    Compartments written by TheStillSilence
    Lie back & tan written by Daniel Barlow
    Adoration written by TheStillSilence
    Sword in the Water written by Wolfwatching
    Day 6 written by TheStillSilence
    Not the Devil, but the Wind written by endlessgame23
    The World written by jjd
    The Human Harmonic written by Daniel Barlow
    Starseed written by endlessgame23
    Mystery Read written by kyserin
    The Abyss of Love written by poetotoe
    The Want written by Daniel Barlow

    Google
     


    poetry

    dotsLogindots

    User Name:

    Password:

    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]


    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems
    Posted

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]



    FontSize:
    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]
     Poetry