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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Lacerations of Thoughtdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: Rue
    ASL Info:    16/F/the dark side
    Elite Ratio:    4.54 - 244/182/44
    Words: 88
    Class/Type: Poetry/Longing
    Total Views: 817
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 541



    Description:
       Last verse is optional. Just suited the moment, but the first two verses are the main portion of this piece.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsLacerations of Thoughtdots
    -------------------------------------------


    Time is ticking far too slowly
    Lacerations of thought assaulting
    The sands in the hourglass who weep for me
    As I soak up the squandered seconds.

    If I could, I'd trip myself to sleep
    And dream of peace and unity
    A soul is sold, the only thing I keep
    Is my fermented bit of bad luck.



    What was I supposed to do?
    When it snarls, snaps and claws
    If you didn't want me to sit with you
    You could have just said something.




    Submitted on 2006-01-25 16:52:51     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

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    ||| Comments |||
      This is really sad
    In this write I see a very warm hearted soul who only feels happy in sleep so others cannot destroy her positive way of thinking
    I understand this reality as I have been there many times myself
    Remain Positive
    It will carry you through lifes obstacles
    God Bless
    Ron
    | Posted on 2006-02-20 00:00:00 | by Ronswords | [ Reply to This ]
      I really like the first two stanzas as you describe time as it passes. The second stanza blends well with the first and is a nice transition to speaking of dreams. I dont see why the third stanza is here. It seems very odd and doesnt go at all with the rest of the poem from what I can tell. Perhaps it has more of a personal meaning to it but I found it confusing and ultimately disrupts the rest of the poem which is really pretty good. I think if you eliminate that stanza and add another one that is more involved with the rest of the poem, it would strengthen this write. Of course that is just my opinion. The first two stanzas just seem to get lost with that ending. Take care.

    Lorna
    | Posted on 2006-01-31 00:00:00 | by lmz | [ Reply to This ]
      Im guessing this poem reflects youre school life, by the way you used sit by me in one of the lines in youre poem. You did a great job and inspired me in a certain way. I can't explain the inspiration but i feel as if you made your way through my thoughts. I guess this is what poetry is about, feeling someone elses pain but using it to your advantage. I understand a lil more everyday about poetry, You opened my eyes today...thank you.
    | Posted on 2006-01-25 00:00:00 | by SumN | [ Reply to This ]


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