This is really sad In this write I see a very warm hearted soul who only feels happy in sleep so others cannot destroy her positive way of thinking I understand this reality as I have been there many times myself Remain Positive It will carry you through lifes obstacles God Bless Ron
I really like the first two stanzas as you describe time as it passes. The second stanza blends well with the first and is a nice transition to speaking of dreams. I dont see why the third stanza is here. It seems very odd and doesnt go at all with the rest of the poem from what I can tell. Perhaps it has more of a personal meaning to it but I found it confusing and ultimately disrupts the rest of the poem which is really pretty good. I think if you eliminate that stanza and add another one that is more involved with the rest of the poem, it would strengthen this write. Of course that is just my opinion. The first two stanzas just seem to get lost with that ending. Take care.
Im guessing this poem reflects youre school life, by the way you used sit by me in one of the lines in youre poem. You did a great job and inspired me in a certain way. I can't explain the inspiration but i feel as if you made your way through my thoughts. I guess this is what poetry is about, feeling someone elses pain but using it to your advantage. I understand a lil more everyday about poetry, You opened my eyes today...thank you.
Submission Name: Lacerations of Thought
