this is very interesting. its as if you took the words from me. what you write about it all being a dream reminds me so much of how i feel. so many times you feel everything is real only to wake up and it was a dream, a dream you were real. you captured all this in your words.
This poem uses very wonderful structure, however, I think that the repetition of all three lines in the first stanzas is unnecessary. Possibly the "only in a dream..." line would work best in repetition.
Keep going, though, other than that, This work is great
I love how this was. Just a dream of the man you long for, just a hope, just a wish, but no real hope of it coming true. I liked the way the entire thing was worded. It's flow was a little sketchy, but, the wording, to me, was good.
Fantastic! The piece symbolizes so much! You really were able to get out how you felt and how you wanted things to happen. And in the end...you wake up and see the reality of it all. Thats the worst part of it all. I've gotten alot of comments about me not rhyming...but when your writing comes straight from your heart...it doesnt always have to rhyme. Not ALL poetry is about rhyming. Keep up the good work! Excellent job!
Hmm... Well, the element of repetition in the first four stanzas really got me to think you truly want this. The longing for this man who doesn't exist? It makes me think that you have met either onhe or more guys with perfect qualities, but you just either can't have him, or you won't let yourself.
Things to fix: To make it seem like you truly feel this way, try using some rhyming words that tell this. Really, the words should just jump out if you will it to. Um... I think that is it. My saying only one thing to fix means I think it is very good.