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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Only In A Dreamdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: invisiblerose
    ASL Info:    20/F/USA
    Elite Ratio:    3.02 - 17/24/6
    Words: 197
    Class/Type: Poetry/Longing
    Total Views: 741
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1182



    Description:
       I know it might seem a little repetitive, but I felt that it was needed to remind myself that it is just a dream. Enjoy. And please comment :)


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsOnly In A Dreamdots
    -------------------------------------------


    I see his face
    Staring back at me
    His eyes gazing into mine
    But it is only a dream
    Only in my mind
    Wishing that it was all really there

    Crying into the night
    He comes to my side
    Protecting me, he cares
    But it is only a dream
    Only in my mind
    Wishing that it was all really there

    He is standing there
    Holding me close
    Never a faulter in his love
    But it is only a dream
    Only in my mind
    Wishing that it was all really there

    The love I have for him is so real
    Feels so right
    But the love he shows for me, is not quite there.
    Because it's only a dream
    Only in my mind
    Wishing that it was all really there

    And I wish that this dream
    Wasn't just in my mind
    I want to see him, really standing there
    He is my one love, my man
    If only he wasn't just a dream

    The sun is starting to rise
    Pushing the darkness away
    Coaxing him out the door
    And it was only a dream
    Only in my mind
    And never really there




    Submitted on 2006-01-25 17:01:06     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      Hey, I really liked how this piece was put together. Granted the repeated lines were a bit overdone, but it seemed to go well with the poem. Really good job overall.
    | Posted on 2006-01-29 00:00:00 | by The Alone | [ Reply to This ]
      this is very interesting. its as if you took the words from me. what you write about it all being a dream reminds me so much of how i feel. so many times you feel everything is real only to wake up and it was a dream, a dream you were real. you captured all this in your words.
    | Posted on 2006-01-29 00:00:00 | by janedaq222 | [ Reply to This ]
      This poem uses very wonderful structure, however, I think that the repetition of all three lines in the first stanzas is unnecessary. Possibly the "only in a dream..." line would work best in repetition.

    Keep going, though, other than that, This work is great
    | Posted on 2006-01-25 00:00:00 | by Imadjinn | [ Reply to This ]
      I love how this was. Just a dream of the man you long for, just a hope, just a wish, but no real hope of it coming true. I liked the way the entire thing was worded. It's flow was a little sketchy, but, the wording, to me, was good.
    | Posted on 2006-01-25 00:00:00 | by darkened_soul | [ Reply to This ]
      Fantastic! The piece symbolizes so much! You really were able to get out how you felt and how you wanted things to happen. And in the end...you wake up and see the reality of it all. Thats the worst part of it all. I've gotten alot of comments about me not rhyming...but when your writing comes straight from your heart...it doesnt always have to rhyme. Not ALL poetry is about rhyming. Keep up the good work! Excellent job!
    | Posted on 2006-01-25 00:00:00 | by xsweetangelkiss | [ Reply to This ]
      Dang. I liked it! However, is it about a real guy that you dream about? Or is it about a dream guy you've never met?
    I liked it though. It was very well put together.
    -Miss
    | Posted on 2006-01-25 00:00:00 | by Pabapfc | [ Reply to This ]
      Hmm... Well, the element of repetition in the first four stanzas really got me to think you truly want this. The longing for this man who doesn't exist? It makes me think that you have met either onhe or more guys with perfect qualities, but you just either can't have him, or you won't let yourself.

    Things to fix:
    To make it seem like you truly feel this way, try using some rhyming words that tell this. Really, the words should just jump out if you will it to.
    Um... I think that is it. My saying only one thing to fix means I think it is very good.
    | Posted on 2006-01-25 00:00:00 | by Sephiroth | [ Reply to This ]


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