untitled by Seedofbayne

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Submission Name: untitled dots

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Author:	Seedofbayne
ASL Info:	19/M/MA
Elite Ratio:	3.37 - 55/82/27
Words:	65

Class/Type:	Poetry/Serious
Total Views:	224
Average Vote:	No vote yet.
Bytes:	403

Description:
i got bored

untitled dots

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You're the one who deserves this
My yeildless, untamed, wild kiss
I was the needle in your haystack
Now im the one in your arm
The way you bleed is what i truly miss
anesthesize my feeble fist

The masses cower in fear
At the death of chanticleer
Beed the dream
your my suicide note
but nobody gets out in the right gear

Submitted on 2006-01-25 19:52:26 Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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||| Comments |||
seems to me like someone was looking for that right someone and found it in you at first the nit seems to shift and be like oh i had you but now soming went rong the suicide of the relationship .... the deat hthe end

and that is my conclusion of this piece your bordome leads to beautiful things .. xoox alyssa
| Posted on 2006-07-29 00:00:00 | by Thirst4Serenity | [ Reply to This ]
you lost me after the first few lines which seemed promising, i struggled to comprehend the substance contained within thereafter, due partly to the use of words not familiar to me, beed? spelling error perhaps? also i have no concept of 'chanticleer', forgive my ignorance but these words are foreign to me and easily distracting. otherwise i think you have the beginning of a work which with a little polish could be so much more. 'You're the one who deserves this
My yeildless, untamed, wild kiss' can you create more of this?
| Posted on 2006-01-25 00:00:00 | by wilburwildchild | [ Reply to This ]

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