[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav

  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav

    << | >>

    dots Submission Name: Under The Rosedots

    Author: Liv2LoveThePain
    ASL Info:    19 - F - Philly
    Elite Ratio:    4.23 - 1527/1515/256
    Words: 158
    Class/Type: Poetry/Misc
    Total Views: 1639
    Average Vote:    5.0000
    Bytes: 1309


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsUnder The Rosedots

    He lies on the grass
    In the sun, with eyes closed.
    Rain falls forever
    From the heart of a rose.

    Leaves in the wind
    Run toward the sea
    To drown in the puddle
    He's longing to be.

    Dirt turns to mud
    Around the undead.
    He sinks with the moments
    When nothing was said.

    "From clashes to ashes,
    And rust to dust...
    Love, take me under,
    But don't forget about us."

    He smiles and screams
    With blood in his eyes
    To sleep with the mourning...
    Singing the lies.

    In love with addiction,
    The hatchet caught fire,
    Slashing the burden,
    With wings of desire.

    He cries one last time,
    "Goodbye to the sun.
    I leave unforgiven.
    I hate everyone."

    The ground takes him in
    And hardens at last.
    A rose marks the tomb
    Where he slept in the grass.

    Submitted on 2006-01-25 21:21:34     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!

    ||| Comments |||
    This Poem Is Deffinetly One Of My Favourites Now I Really Love It
    Keep Up The Great Work
    xXx *Mwah* Luv Stacey
    | Posted on 2007-02-27 00:00:00 | by AngelinDisguise | [ Reply to This ]
      This was mind blowing!!! I can't beleave what a great writer you are Nikki! Every time I read something new it blows me away how good your writing is!!! This flowed like wine(smile)
    Great Job
    Kelley Frost
    | Posted on 2006-10-21 00:00:00 | by whendt | [ Reply to This ]
      i agree with like every1.. this poem is really exellant .. i dont really get what it means sumhow.. mut it does touch me.. and its a favorite!! my first.. hehe.. good!!!
    | Posted on 2006-04-13 00:00:00 | by SkullMyHeart | [ Reply to This ]
      wow! now I can understand why Robert "stalks" you. (lol) Your poetry is magnificent. I loved the rhyming, rhythm and feeling. You've got depth! good write.
    | Posted on 2006-02-20 00:00:00 | by night_angel | [ Reply to This ]
      You just show off and shine on every write every word every stanza... I like this one... so much symbolism in so little words and it is about love and who have not felt love? It is pretty sad though... I love all the images that you make us see here... from the storm, to the mud, to the final resting place... this is a guy who has just experience something like a heart break or a very tragic event has gone on to take away his loved one and the mud has symbolism... It means depression and in this poem I see that he sinks so deep in it that finally he can not find a way out... great write

    Jose J. Ortiz aka Josyman
    | Posted on 2006-02-03 00:00:00 | by josymanthegreat | [ Reply to This ]
      i hate u. no i dont im sorry! im just jealous. anywho... ok. i like the flow of this poem. u kno me, im simplistic. i like that there is a story. it kinda reminds me ofthose ballads ms amoto was always talkin about... any way, im putting it on my favorites.
    - Kate
    | Posted on 2006-02-01 00:00:00 | by MyFairCalamity | [ Reply to This ]
      Ok i really liked this one. This was awesomely written , amazing wording, voice, image. just awesome (I've runned out of words to describe your pieces). good job (don't you tire of hearing that now lol.)

    | Posted on 2006-01-28 00:00:00 | by Flowerinbloom | [ Reply to This ]

    this is really great.

    i love the style here. this really just felt like funeral in the rain. the funerl of someone who should not be dead, but did themself in.

    that may not be it, but it was a great read over and over.
    | Posted on 2006-01-27 00:00:00 | by jdinning67 | [ Reply to This ]
      Another beautifully written dark poem, it is so going on my favorites with the like 1/2 a dozen other poems of yours I have read. I like how you portray a crash withot jumping out and saying it. This is deep, dark, mildly demented, and damn good girl, keep it up.
    | Posted on 2006-01-26 00:00:00 | by ThisIsReal | [ Reply to This ]
      Gros tun no se zel...(Patios for long time no c).. it seems the force is growing woth you...smooth rythim in a dark river...i loved every syllable, and felt this story was about someone who died in a car crash, ( as we found out in verse 3) but you should've kept it a seceret...the suspense would have made a nice twist. This is on my fav list sugah,

    | Posted on 2006-01-26 00:00:00 | by grigori | [ Reply to This ]
      awww! i loved it. you are such a phenomenal writer! i am putting another one of your poems as a favorite of mine.. thats four or five i have now! wow so much emotion.. and i could picture it all. it was just so good. excelent work! ttyl

    | Posted on 2006-01-26 00:00:00 | by star_on_fire22 | [ Reply to This ]
      WOW! This is so awewoms it is goin in my favs for sure. I loved this poem. So vivid and the imagry here, amazing. It is so sad and depressing, and normally I do not like those types or poems that rhyme, but this is really good. I really can't say anothing I did not like, it was perfect!

    | Posted on 2006-01-26 00:00:00 | by Indigo Kid | [ Reply to This ]
      ... sad and happy and just... i don't know what to say. Even the German gudge would give you a 9.5! This is soo undescribably awsome!
    | Posted on 2006-01-26 00:00:00 | by diamonds_2_dust | [ Reply to This ]
      this poem is kind of a scary one... O.O
    i like the story of the man sleeping and the ground softening, swallowing him, then hardening over him again. it was a really neat movie type things running thru my head as i read it.
    once again, i must compliment you on your extraordinary ideas... where do you get yoru inspiration?!?!?!
    love this piece!
    | Posted on 2006-01-26 00:00:00 | by LoneWolf | [ Reply to This ]
      Wow. Sweet. I loved reading this. I rarely come across a piece that reads as well as this and speaks to me. Your use of natural imagery was awesome. I think i liked it because i recognised some of my own techniques in it (especially the natural imagery). I think what you've succeeded in doing here is completley removing the separation-the barrier-between humanity and nature and sort of showed them to be part of the one whole. I know that was not the goal or the central message of the poem but that is one of the things i took from it. I love reading your stuff and look forward to more. Guv
    | Posted on 2006-01-25 00:00:00 | by HaAtzmah | [ Reply to This ]
      i love the last stanza, it just closes it all so neatly. this was really well written. i agree with adnil, it does read like a sonnet sort of... usually i like poems to be somewhat more descriptive, i guess i'm more of a hands on sort of person, but i really liked this. i think it will be my first favorite. i can't put my finger on it, but something just, clicks with me. great work,
    Mesculine and Milkshakes
    | Posted on 2006-01-25 00:00:00 | by m with two i_s | [ Reply to This ]
      That was nice. Deep with meaning. It seems as if the charecter in this piece is tired of life. It seems like he wants to die. Or maybe even knows that he will. If im wrong send me a reply. I'd be happy to talk about your work or anything else. Keep up the good work.

    Saint Kairo
    | Posted on 2006-01-25 00:00:00 | by Saint | [ Reply to This ]
      I really liked this one kid it almost read like a sonnet, I liked the next to the last stanza as well as the last one there isn't a thing I could complain about it was done perrrfectly keep up the nice work adnil
    | Posted on 2006-01-25 00:00:00 | by adnil | [ Reply to This ]
      I really understood what you were trying to say... Are you really 17? anyway, I thought that you did a good job, I felt that the rose was like a person. I don't know if that is what you wanted but that is how i took it. The little rhyme in the middle made it better.
    | Posted on 2006-04-26 00:00:00 | by BrokenStream | [ Reply to This ]

    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?


    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.




    User Name:


    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]

    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]

    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]