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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: blacker than nightdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: unknown soldier
    ASL Info:    17/kenner, La (N.O)
    Elite Ratio:    3.58 - 1348/1346/203
    Words: 153
    Class/Type: Poetry/
    Total Views: 917
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1009



    Description:
       another one i'm gonna submit to the riverbend review.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsblacker than nightdots
    -------------------------------------------


    Outside swimming in an ocean of darkness
    A heart of gold
    Body falling apart since my spiritís been tarnished
    Soul being sold
    To those who paint them like artists
    Out of control
    Because those in the shadows always take it the farthest

    Different colors and shades
    Envelop the world in its own likeness remade
    Backward laws
    So the masters get devoured by slaves
    Racing to graves
    People are living to die
    They resist the need or urge to be saved
    Seriously considering lies
    Suicidal kids we degrade
    Look in our eyes
    Making all of our confidence fade
    Those who are wise
    Are the ones failing each grade
    Snakes devoured by flies
    So we bury our kinsmen with spades

    No light
    You canít tell your left from your right
    Lost the enthusiasm we had for the fight
    Eyes without sight
    Because our souls are blacker than night




    Submitted on 2006-01-25 23:50:36     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      This one was good. Interesting. I like the very last stanza the best. Like it summarizes the rest of it without taking anything away from it. Nicely done hon. Later.
    Hannah
    | Posted on 2006-03-21 00:00:00 | by AngelOutlaw | [ Reply to This ]
      People are living to die
    They resist the need or urge to be saved
    Seriously considering lies
    Suicidal kids we degrade

    Those lines were deep. Everywhere we go we see these things that you described in these lines. ITs like people our addicted to pain and lie about it.
    | Posted on 2006-02-23 00:00:00 | by SinCeer05 | [ Reply to This ]
      you've just shown off your poetic side...now i give up my multi tasking crown. Anyways this is one of those things you read and at the end you're like..Damn that was good. And it was, good job.

    ~~Danni~~
    | Posted on 2006-02-01 00:00:00 | by Poeticprincess | [ Reply to This ]
      hey troy! how is troy? u beta be good troy! anyway this waz amazingly um... wats the well my mom says somber! ya um... ok nvm! it sounds like some of ur old stuff! good job my mom likes the last stanza! bye bye!
    ~akaila~
    | Posted on 2006-01-27 00:00:00 | by iluvpoetry_1 | [ Reply to This ]
      your mix of lyrics and poetry never cease to amaze...this was some wicked [censored]! I loved it. The imagry seems to get better with every write and your wording was great...keep writing troy.
    peace
    | Posted on 2006-01-27 00:00:00 | by silent_death12 | [ Reply to This ]
      And your poetic side is awesome. You a really good rapper and lyric writer, but your one Hell of a poet, too. This flowed very well and your words were beautiful. Good job.
    | Posted on 2006-01-26 00:00:00 | by Toxic_Rayne | [ Reply to This ]
      Troy, you are showing more of your poetic side. Your message was bold and insightful. I would love to see you do some poetry in a set form, besides free verse. I think you have a certain style that can be seen in all your rap work. And, from what it seems, it can be seen in your poetry. That's good. I hope this win the contest, when you send this off. Good job.

    Maggie
    | Posted on 2006-01-26 00:00:00 | by Magnolia Steele | [ Reply to This ]
      Call me obssesed but I am stalking you after all, so dont be suprised if I read all your work. I cant resist, I try to control myself and say lemme give space, but na...imma smuther your site with comments. I like this one alot. Im begining to notice your more poetic side. For instance, your raps are soundin' a little more like poems. Which is a good thing, you can work many ways with your talent. I hope you do good with sendin' it out again.
    catch ya later babe.
    | Posted on 2006-01-26 00:00:00 | by SavedDragon | [ Reply to This ]
      WOW, another one that blew me away. I loved all of the deepness of the emotion. My favorite part was
    "snakes devoured by flies"
    Great write, and if I didn't know that this was a rap I would consider it probably one of the best poems on this site. And good luck with the riverbend review accepting this one. Although I don't why they wouldn't. Great job!
    Alyssa
    | Posted on 2006-01-26 00:00:00 | by alcoholcaust | [ Reply to This ]
      i like the style especially where it said
    Eyes without sight
    Because our souls are blacker than night

    that part hit me like a rock...
    | Posted on 2006-01-26 00:00:00 | by True Purpose | [ Reply to This ]
      I really like the descriptive words and lines in this piece. I really liked the last five lines, it really brought the message home in a strange but powerful way. Good job
    Regards, Kalinda
    | Posted on 2006-01-26 00:00:00 | by Kalinda | [ Reply to This ]
      Yo man. Nice style to this shyt. I like the entire thing. Favorite part...
    Suicidal kids we degrade
    Look in our eyes
    Making all of our confidence fade

    Man this was like words, emotions, thoughts...all piled up and summed up VERY nicely in this piece...EXCELLENT work main!

    By the way people...check out a collabo that wuz dun with me - Troy - and Aknahlij_d 1 Its on my page.."UNITED States?"

    Cuz tha shyt is SICK! PeaCe Hom E
    | Posted on 2006-01-26 00:00:00 | by MC-Chillz | [ Reply to This ]
      interesting yet true at the same time. as with most of your work. do u think ur soul blacker than night i dont think it is but if u do u need 2 stop. i like the way u painted this. i even started 2 imagine stars jk but u still did well. Hey so yeah i posted u should check it out. Um in ur comment tell me if it made it in the mag!

    ~Gena~
    | Posted on 2006-03-03 00:00:00 | by luvy | [ Reply to This ]


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    88895

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.


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