Sign up to EliteSkills

Already have an account? Login to Roleplay.Cloud
Forgot password? Recover Password

Under Your Skin

Author: Indigo Kid
ASL Info:    33/f/everywhere
Elite Ratio:    3.73 - 428 /438 /115
Words: 192
Class/Type: Poetry /Love
Total Views: 1144
Average Vote:    No vote yet.
Bytes: 1216


Issues, issues, issues! What can I say, he makes me smile even when he is angry because I know he wants me even through his struggles...

Under Your Skin

You come to me, and then go;
eloquent indecisiveness that
lingers like my perfume that
finds a home buried in
the threads of your shirt.

A stranger’s voice dripping
from the phone; warm coolness
laced with a hue of uncertainty
at that precise moment before
the bulls are about to be released.

Patiently, I wait for you inside
your shadow and next to you,
quietly holding your demons
and devils, hushing and close,
like a brand new baby.

Excited, but with a cool knowing,
I will still look at you with the
anticipation of that gift that I
waited for until Christmas
morning the year I turned seven.

For I know I am that vivid dream
that you struggled with last night,
while sweating and panting,
that left a wet stain on your
sheets when you awoke.

And even when you hide yourself
the truth bleeds out of your fractured
front like that single bead of persperation
on your forehead and I know that
I scratch you under your skin.

Submitted on 2006-01-26 07:21:49     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
Edit post

Rate This Submission

1: >_<
2: I dunno...
3: meh!
4: Pretty cool
5: Wow!


  You certainly know how to bring out your thoughts in a poem. I enjoyed this. The love you portray in this piece- unconditional.
Everyone needs someone like this.. to love and be loved even through faults.
I like that you are sure of his love for you as much as yours for him. I think that's great.
And that last part was just wonderful.

You are talented, girl...and it shows.
| Posted on 2006-01-28 00:00:00 | by Intricate1 | [ Reply to This ]
  I love the opening and the ending stanza alot. you portray what real love is, the good and the bad,yet your love for him is unquestion all through this poem.

and your last line was totally awesome.
| Posted on 2006-01-28 00:00:00 | by edthepoet | [ Reply to This ]
  What a vivid and well written poem. your use of imagery is one of kind to me, it reminds me of poetry of old. You write with a certain sense of class. You make your point know without being bold. I loved the last stanza. This was a delightful and rewarding read for me. It was more than I bargin for. Great job!

| Posted on 2006-01-27 00:00:00 | by Magnolia Steele | [ Reply to This ]
  i thought this was a pretty enjoyable poem. i think that last stanza is brilliant, you picked all the right words and it sounds great, and makes perfect sense. i also like in that second to last stanza how you created that image or idea, that should seem really gross, but instead actually fits into the poem and doesn't totally stand out. which is good because it adds color, but the poem is still focused...i really don't have any qualms about it...very nice job.

| Posted on 2006-01-26 00:00:00 | by art_is_hard | [ Reply to This ]
  I think this poem is very good. I enjoyed reading it and personally, I think that second to last stanza is hot stuff! Woooo Hoooo! I love the confidence that saturates this entire poem. He struggles with himself, he fights his feelings, and yet you still know he loves you and he wants you. This is very well written and expressed and I dont think I would suggest changing anything here. Men are just a big pain in the ass sometimes, and we as women just have to put up with it I guess...haha! Excellent poem! Take care.

| Posted on 2006-01-26 00:00:00 | by lmz | [ Reply to This ]
  Oh, I like this very much. I love the part about you standing in his shadow and holding his demons. Now that is a line. And also the part about being the vivid dream he struggled with that left a wet stain on his sheets...that is so disgusting, yet perfectly put that it makes me jealous that i didn't come up with it. Thank you for writing this!
| Posted on 2006-01-26 00:00:00 | by Raivn | [ Reply to This ]
  Hmmmm...I don't know if I liked the second to last section much, a bit too descriptive...O.o.

But it's good. I like the idea and the way that you took feelings from childhood and placed them into the years now. It seems like this guy has trouble realizing that he loves you, and has a hard time getting it through to himself. Well done!
| Posted on 2006-01-26 00:00:00 | by Raging Rain | [ Reply to This ]

Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

1. Be honest.
2. Try not to give only compliments.
3. How did it make you feel?
4. Why did it make you feel that way?
5. Which parts?
6. What distracted from the piece?
7. What was unclear?
8. What does it remind you of?
9. How could it be improved?
10. What would you have done differently?
11. What was your interpretation of it?
12. Does it feel original?