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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Slidedots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: Raivn
    ASL Info:    33/f/al
    Elite Ratio:    4.28 - 1222/916/231
    Words: 139
    Class/Type: Poetry/Depressed
    Total Views: 603
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 885



    Description:
       The penguin from Fight Club says "Slide." That's Tony's favorite part of the movie. I just thought about how it is going home every morning like I do, and tried to do the loneliness some justice...


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsSlidedots
    -------------------------------------------


    She slides into the seat of her car,
    Turns the key so it can start.
    She drives faster than the law allows
    Trying to outrace the sorrows of her heart.

    She slides into a cold, lifeless house,
    A place that is shrouded in gloom.
    She wishes it were a home again.
    She shuts herself up in her room.

    She slides into a bubble filled tub,
    She lets the water cover her skin.
    She quickly loses track of the time,
    Then wonders how long it's been.

    She slides in between cool, lonely sheets,
    She sprays her pillow with his cologne.
    She struggles with the burden of love,
    While sleeping in this bed alone.

    She slides into a troubled sleep
    Where life and death collide.
    Tears spill over onto her cheeks
    And she just lets them slide.




    Submitted on 2006-01-26 10:15:24     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      Man Raivn, I haven't felt this way about one of your poems since Sheets which will always be one of my all time favourites. This was written beautifully, to critique it though I did find the flow a bit off in some places but it didn't really take away from the emotion of the poem. I love the last stanza especially, it was a perfect way to finish.

    Well done

    Laura-Grace
    | Posted on 2006-01-27 00:00:00 | by dark-red-pain | [ Reply to This ]
      This is depressing Raivn. I like the wording and the way it was written though. But...to be honest...I want happy poems! This was great though. Lovez...
    | Posted on 2006-01-26 00:00:00 | by bleeding-soul | [ Reply to This ]
      i think it's a good poem.. and i know the whole "slide" thing is the base of it.. but i think it would be a lot better with out it.. or with less use of it

    it good writing.. but slide gets a little repteative after a while

    other then that i really liked it
    | Posted on 2006-01-26 00:00:00 | by Marcy | [ Reply to This ]


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