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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Innocense Lostdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: Glassy Eyed
    ASL Info:    17/f
    Elite Ratio:    3.8 - 550/427/187
    Words: 183
    Class/Type: Poetry/Dark
    Total Views: 177
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1237



    Description:
       Let me know what you think, Be honest.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsInnocense Lostdots
    -------------------------------------------


    She struggles and writhes,
    His hands hold tight against her wrists.
    His hands are at her thighs,
    He says, "You got your wish."

    The look in his eye,
    Is pure evil lust,
    She feels herself die,
    When she realizes what he must
    Do to her, with a sigh
    She feels him go in,
    She tries to keep fighting,
    But she knows who'll win.

    With a sharp last thrust,
    He begins to laugh,
    "Stupid whore girl,
    You know you liked it,
    You were wet enough,
    Don't try and hide it.
    You loved my moves,
    They way I threw down,
    You played your part,
    I won,
    Now get lost,
    We're all done."

    She felt the tears role down her face,
    As he walked away,
    She felt out of place,
    But she stayed there all day.

    She was scared
    And so very lost,
    She'd gotten what she'd wanted,
    But what was the cost?

    Nothing mattered anymore,
    She was silent and cold,
    No one could do a thing,
    Just let her grow old,
    and wither
    and die
    and forget.




    Submitted on 2006-01-26 13:09:29     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      Sad story but one thing that was on my mind through the whole poem was what did she want? The way you described was very detailed and it is very well written. There were no mistakes that I could find. Great poem.
    Katana
    | Posted on 2006-05-09 00:00:00 | by Katana Ryoko | [ Reply to This ]
      That was so good. I loved the imagery and you felt what the character was feeling. "She tries to keep fighting,
    But she knows who'll win." I absolutely love this line. Bravo <<3
    | Posted on 2006-01-30 00:00:00 | by atonement | [ Reply to This ]
      I enjoy this sort of poetry because from the very beginning the reader is positioned to assume what exactly is going on, therefore various meanings can be derived from the text. However, the poem does tend to contradict itself as it allows the reader to insinuate that she's against it all from the start with her "fighting", but towards the end it says "She'd gotten what she'd wanted." I cannot critisise the venecular language because I use the same style in my own poetry. As well as that the use of the word "They" in the 3rd stanza was incorrect. Regardless, great work!
    | Posted on 2006-01-26 00:00:00 | by m3wa | [ Reply to This ]
      there is alot of emotions with this piece and most who read it have expierenced such either with a friend or loved one
    great write and good read
    sandman
    | Posted on 2006-01-26 00:00:00 | by sandman | [ Reply to This ]
      OH MY GOD...that was one of the best poems i have ever read...seriously...! I like the way you used a real life situation, something that acutally happens in the world, and you even displayed the feelings and emotions and actions against the affected person...good job!
    | Posted on 2006-01-26 00:00:00 | by myownself | [ Reply to This ]
      This was a very good write. I like how you used a real life situation as the topic, and the way you played it out, wrote about it. But I do agree with m3wa, she fights but yet she got what she wanted. Other than that it was a great write. Keep it up!
    | Posted on 2006-01-26 00:00:00 | by nasuka | [ Reply to This ]



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