Undying Apathy by Daigonarigormor

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Submission Name: Undying Apathy dots

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Author:	Daigonarigormor
ASL Info:	15/f/Salem, Mass.
Elite Ratio:	4.06 - 9/12/2
Words:	115

Class/Type:	Poetry/Misc
Total Views:	191
Average Vote:	No vote yet.
Bytes:	703

Description:

Undying Apathy dots

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i try so hard to no avail
to prove that i can feel
but this apathy runs so deep
that i now lack
the ability to weep.

in a crowded room i am alone
staring out with eyes of stone
nobody sees me, they won't forever
as i try in vain to be
what i could never.

my undying apathy, a wall around my soul
hiding old pains, untold
but the results of this tragedy
leave my to lie
in my own undying apathy.

at length you will see
this is how i'm destined to be
so don't give me your sympathy
because all you get in return
is my undying apathy.

Submitted on 2006-01-26 15:27:38 Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

1: >_<
2: I dunno...
3: meh!
4: Pretty cool
5: Wow!

||| Comments |||
  i like this one too. you have talent. the undying apathy seems spurred on by an event, but then it also seems so permanent - that is a shame. i;d like to see a sense that it is what it is, but it wont always be...

do you know what I mean?
| Posted on 2006-01-27 00:00:00 | by jdinning67 | [ Reply to This ]
  WELCOME~ I liked this, although have never been a fan of this type of rhyme. In the last and second to last stanza, the undying sympathy is repeated and to me that is a little redundant, but other than that, I think this is a cool poem.

You have some talent and I hope to read much more of your work!

IK
| Posted on 2006-01-26 00:00:00 | by Indigo Kid | [ Reply to This ]
  This is an emotional and dramatic poem. I think you in one way want to join in the crowd of and on another hand you are to scared to venture out, so you become apathic. I think this was missing something. Maybe mentioning why you are so apathic would give this the eztra depht I think this could have. Just an suggestion. Overall, this was good. Welcome to Elite!

Maggie
| Posted on 2006-01-26 00:00:00 | by Magnolia Steele | [ Reply to This ]
  I like that. It's written excellently
Yeah, apathy... I used to be that way. I convinced myself not to care about anything, because you can't get hurt if you don't care.
All that ran through my head was "just do and don't look back." It worked for a while. But I'm a little better now.
Anywhoo... you're very talented.
This is one of those things I read and say "I wish I thought of that." You know?
I have a few favorite parts, but I'll only point out one:

"in a crowded room i am alone
staring out with eyes of stone"

I love that. It really says a lot.

Great job

-nikkki
| Posted on 2006-01-26 00:00:00 | by Liv2LoveThePain | [ Reply to This ]
  Hmmm...pretty good. I liked the format and rhyme scheme. To me the use of 'undying apathy' in the first sentence of the second stanza seems to be unnecessary, it is said once again at the end of this stanza. I dunno, just my thought. Thanks for sharing and WELCOME!

| Posted on 2006-01-26 00:00:00 | by hyproglo | [ Reply to This ]

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