Writingpoetry

[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

dotsdots
nav
  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav



    nav
  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav



    << | >>
    poetry


    dots Submission Name: sha la ladots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: sweet sorenity
    ASL Info:    24/f/ Ga
    Elite Ratio:    3.11 - 211/221/58
    Words: 106
    Class/Type: Poetry/Misc
    Total Views: 815
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 652



    Description:
       its pure shit belive me absolute shit if i wwere you i wouldnt even bother to read it.

    all my new stuff is shit , almost as bad as match box 20 or even creed


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotssha la ladots
    -------------------------------------------


    traces of glitter across the wall.
    as you here the voices call.
    take a breth and close your eyes.
    do you even remember any of their lies?

    i didnt think so

    then why do you want this
    with us you will have pure bliss
    dont fret
    theirs nothing to regret

    hummmm

    i see that smile trying to shine through
    its so simple to see
    you cant hide what your about to do
    i will let you be

    or will i

    follow the traces
    forget all our faces
    you'v got no way back home
    but your far from alone




    Submitted on 2006-01-26 17:04:12     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      It made me smile, probably because you described it as [censored]! I didn't think it was [censored], it made me smile and after a six hour shift at work that's all I ask!
    | Posted on 2006-02-11 00:00:00 | by irvine_valentin | [ Reply to This ]
      Sorenity,

    Nice...very nice. It was a mysterious piece at first but after reading it again I got the understanding. You are talking to someone. Seems like your lover or someone you desire to love. One mispelled word. Breth should be "breath". I make mistakes too. Smile lady...smile. You're not perfect. Just perfected by your corrections. This stanza really stands out:

    i see that smile trying to shine through
    its so simple to see
    you cant hide what your about to do
    i will let you be

    That stanza makes me wonder if there is more to come. It is an eye catcher that keeps things interesting.
    | Posted on 2006-01-26 00:00:00 | by B-Gentle | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?



    88984

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

    Love Can Be... written by HAVENSMITH92
    Life changes in a moment written by Ramneet
    It's Night Now written by RisingSon
    To written by SavedDragon
    cleverly shunned written by CrypticBard
    The Promise written by annie0888
    Hopelessly Blind written by ForgottenGraves
    4th Season of Vivaldi written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Skin of Fables written by ShadowParadox
    A Sonnet for Nina written by SavedDragon
    Be Free written by hybridsongwrite
    What happens written by Wolfwatching
    Bee Keeper written by endlessgame23
    It's been a while written by Sharati_hottie
    Transparent written by Daniel Barlow
    102.3 written by rev.jpfadeproof
    Red Barn written by rev.jpfadeproof
    Treasure Chest written by PieceOfCake
    Pain, an elixir. written by Ramneet
    To Glow written by krs3332003
    I will call out your name written by RisingSon
    Push written by JanePlane
    The Song on Your Guitar written by SavedDragon
    untitled written by Chelebel
    One Thing written by Wolfwatching
    In the Mouth of Elysium written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Sunset written by rev.jpfadeproof
    Wavelength written by saartha
    Munyonyo written by expiring_touch
    Our Cinder Crisis written by SavedDragon

    Google
     


    poetry

    dotsLogindots

    User Name:

    Password:

    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]


    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems
    Posted

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]



    FontSize:
    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]
     Poetry