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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: A Teenager's Vowdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: DeepDreamer2008
    ASL Info:    17/F/UK
    Elite Ratio:    6.89 - 714/497/55
    Words: 155
    Class/Type: Poetry/Being a Teen
    Total Views: 2091
    Average Vote:    5.0000
    Bytes: 1006



    Description:
       This is why I'm unique. :D


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsA Teenager's Vowdots
    -------------------------------------------


    Not just another lost soul;
    I aim to look and find.
    My life is under the control
    Of nothing but my mind.

    Until I locate what I seek,
    I will never stop to sigh.
    Known after death as a freak
    (if my bodyís not passed by)

    In these clothes, Iíll walk with pride,
    Some brains, and much ambition.
    Fate might not be on my side,
    But the presentís my decision.

    On my way, Iíll see a lot;
    Iíll meet poet and preacher.
    Neither of them will be sought,
    For Iíll be my own teacher.

    I do not care what stars bode,
    My head tells me Iím sane.
    My prints will be on each road,
    My tracks on every lane.

    I refuse to sit and wait
    Until I lose my youth.
    So now my life I dedicate
    To hunting down the Truth.



    26/01/06




    Submitted on 2006-01-26 17:08:38     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      Oh and, further to the comment below: the last lines are so good and strong! Different from the other poem where I felt they were weak....
    | Posted on 2008-02-24 00:00:00 | by Glen Bowman | [ Reply to This ]
      Not many teenagers make that promise to themselves, nor even have the inner resources to promise themselves anything so permanent and special! So you look special. You know what it reminds me of? This is from an alarmingly old person so don't laugh? Queen Elizabeth in 1952 gave a speech from South Africa where she was, I think it was when her father the king died. She told the world (in a speech that is as poetic as politics ever gets) exactly what she was going to do with her life as a queen; and she lived up to it every minute since! Amazing. So is this pome. I'm not only old, I'm a man, and my biggest buzz in life is the inner beauty of fine women, so thank you for revealing the heart of one for the world to read about.
    | Posted on 2008-02-24 00:00:00 | by Glen Bowman | [ Reply to This ]
      The second stanza seems to aliterate that you wish to be more than the "run-0-the-mill teen." which is praise worthy. I assume that the last line in third stanza means that you take into account the morals of life and the application of them in your decisions. There is a bit of snobbery in the fourth stanza. The two personages you mention are great aids to the making of decisions yet the final decision is up to you as to how you apply that which is taught. The fifth stanza is perhaps the best in its application of personal dignity. The two ending lines are great in summation.
    A very good but haphazard poem. Haphazard because if ideas and teach of others do not figure in your assertations of application then the person seeking the truth will be as burned mutton on the grill of life.
    I say," Go for it with your life properly tuned to know the truth when you see or hear it."
    | Posted on 2008-02-21 00:00:00 | by realpoet | [ Reply to This ]
      Well after all those comments what is left? I like your attitude towards life and live the day in your own way. After all, you are responsible for every moment. Make the best of it and give my Teenager Innocence and Vain Shhhh! poems a view and tell me how you comprehend it. Keep well. Frank Sinatra also sang `I do it my way`! Well that was when I was younger though. 18 is ageless though - I was there! Keep well. Joachim.
    | Posted on 2008-02-10 00:00:00 | by Joachim | [ Reply to This ]
      Wonderful!!! I really like this. I like how it flows and everything. :)
    | Posted on 2006-12-27 00:00:00 | by kurdy | [ Reply to This ]
      Wow, I'm finally able to leave a comment here!

    I really loved how your confidence just blinded me in this piece. You've really made it difficult for someone to read this and be anywhere near able to take life for granted. I firmly believe that we are the only ones that can create our own happiness, which I guess a lot of people actually disagree with me on. Anyway, you prove that I am not wrong. You want things done, you've got to do them yourself. Either way, I applaud your strength and you wrote yet another terrific piece!

    Candi
    | Posted on 2006-05-13 00:00:00 | by dreamweaver | [ Reply to This ]
      I'm not sure what truth it is that you seek, but with the sounds of this awesome write, may all hell fall to your power. It's nice to see someone who actually knows they have power, and you seem poised and ready to break loose and whip it out. We have to be strong, we are the future of the world!!!! Honestly though, this is a really good write, and I loved reading every single word of it
    ~Rob~
    | Posted on 2006-04-04 00:00:00 | by ThisIsReal | [ Reply to This ]
      this is a wonderfuly written peom, and the subject matter is very true. I hate it when people pass by the youth of today as moldable souls that have no way to think for themselves, that is just simply not true. Contrary to popular belief many of us do think for ourselves...

    ~ness
    | Posted on 2006-04-01 00:00:00 | by ghostladynessa | [ Reply to This ]
      This was a very good write... the ryhming worked almost the whole way throughtout and was very subtle. I liked this but ya know what they say..if ur sure u're sane then u probably aren't :P hehe that's ok tho...anyway I am not sure what to say about this one...I don't have anything to complain about here..nice imagry, it was fairly fluid. keep writin'.
    jess
    | Posted on 2006-02-24 00:00:00 | by silent_death12 | [ Reply to This ]
      This reads very nicely and, to tell you the truth reminds me a lot of the person I was throughout most of my school years.

    The stanzas

    Not just another lost soul;
    I aim to look and find.
    My life is under the control
    Of nothing but my mind

    and

    On my way, Iíll see a lot;
    Iíll meet poet and preacher.
    Neither of them will be sought,
    For Iíll be my own teacher.

    were particularly striking to me. I remember single-mindedly pursuing my goals, eager to explore and learn, teaching myself . Unfortunately, the enthusiasm has faded over the last couple of years. Now, I'm just jaded.

    To me this needs no alterations. The message is strong and well-expressed...a fresh change from most of the teen poems I have read on ES. Dripping with depression...bleh.

    You're on the right path, keep it up!
    | Posted on 2006-02-20 00:00:00 | by cabbalistic | [ Reply to This ]
      I like this poem. It is very well written and expressed and is full of optimism and awareness. Life is indeed what you make it to be, and only the ones who fail to realize that will end up with regret. You blame nobody but yourself and live life to the fullest and you will most likely end up satisfied. You are your own greatest teacher. Only you know what you need, and where your strengths and weaknesses lie. This is a very good poem. Take care.

    Lorna
    | Posted on 2006-02-20 00:00:00 | by lmz | [ Reply to This ]
      Nice write. Long scroll down to comment (lol).
    This moment, the present is all we have. I like that you say you're making your own descisions in the here and now, taking control of your life.. not wasting time.. but seeking out the truth. Leaving your soul-prints as you go along. Well put!
    Just remember, "teachers" were once in your place, so you might learn from their experiences as well.

    Good work!
    ~Sandra
    | Posted on 2006-01-31 00:00:00 | by Intricate1 | [ Reply to This ]
      I know there isn't much I can say about this that someone else hasn't said but please bear with me as I want to try.

    Sounds to me like you know where you want to go and are finally working on getting there. I knew that already but if I didn't then this wonderful poem would have told me so. I noticed some lines in this piece that I particularly like and recognize.

    My life is under the control
    Of nothing but my mind.

    That is a very good line. I think it's funny how most people would say "duh" to that line but have absolutely no idea how much it really means. They don't understand, and some could never grasp, how much they really are in control of themselves. The feelings, the emotions, the pain, all of it is what they chose to feel, nothing more. It is not another's fault, it is the choice. Those who can understand that they have all control of themselves and that it does not belong to another, can see clear enough to make their journey through life successfully. That one line means so much and seams so simply obvious that most people will completely disregard the intensity that it holds.

    Another line I liked and recognized is,

    My prints will be on each road,
    My tracks on every lane.

    The theory of your mind's lanes, right? I apologise if I am way off base with this comment. Most would sooner think of their mind as a one way direction, life just begins and ends, one direction. That meathod of thinking is exactly way people are suffering within themselves, the depression, the emotional pain turned physical. So many beat themselves up for what they have done or what they have thought of doing because on a one way road you cannot turn around when you miss that last turn. Expanding on that road, building other lanes that do not end in one mile, making another direction to travel within yourself, that is the key. When you miss a turn you can know that the next one will be better because you will know when to pay attention. You will recognise the signs before you fly past another opportunity for regret. The last exit you missed was just so you would know what the better one will look like once you come to it. At least that is what I think of that and unfortunately most would probably raise their eyebrow at me.

    This is a very good poem and I am very glad to know you are headstrong and know where you want to be.

    Please take care.

    Matt
    | Posted on 2006-01-31 00:00:00 | by crowded_mind | [ Reply to This ]
      What a great one- ( I'm not one for nit-picking anyway-) I loved your message here- you're searching for the truth- At such a young age -you are no shrinking violet- and that is an inspiration in itself- never let anybody throw you off your path to knowledge- well- you know THAT already! (LOL) I was trying to think of which stanza I liked the best- but I like them all- Just great- cant say more! Bonnie
    | Posted on 2006-01-30 00:00:00 | by delusional | [ Reply to This ]
      I like how you mentioned youre not waiting until the end of your youth. You will keep looking and that is a good thing to do.

    Hope you keep seeking!
    | Posted on 2006-01-29 00:00:00 | by aprilrenee101 | [ Reply to This ]
      "In these clothes, Iíll walk with pride,
    Some brains, and much ambition.
    Fate might not be on my side,
    But the presentís my decision."

    Absolutely amazing stanza. I especially love the last line. We all control our own destiny... Taking pride in who you are despite what others say or think requires a lot of heart. Some people are easily swayed by the opinions of others, and never stop to listen to their own hearts. This was an excellent write. Great job. ...bb...

    XoXo
    ~Tayla~
    | Posted on 2006-01-28 00:00:00 | by Phoenix2004 | [ Reply to This ]
      Very well done on a couple of levels. I like the poem and more importantly, I like the thoughts behind it.

    I think my favorite stanza was the last:
    "I refuse to sit and wait
    Until I loose my youth.
    So now my life I dedicate
    To hunting down the Truth.
    "
    I'm a firm believer that finding the truth is a lifelong pursuit, but the less social crud you inbibe, the less you'll need to unlearn later in life.

    The only part that seems a little rough to me is in the second stanza
    "Known after death as a freak
    (if my bodyís not passed by)
    "
    I think you'll be surprised how few people are truly thought of as freaks and I suppose, in the end, we're almost all forgotten. For every Shakespeare or Christ on this planet, there are millions of "the rest of us". There might be something more important that you can say here.

    Great write,
    Steve

    | Posted on 2006-01-27 00:00:00 | by Lost Sheep | [ Reply to This ]
      On my way, Iíll see a lot;
    Iíll meet poet and preacher.
    Neither of them will be sought,
    For Iíll be my own teacher.

    this is, in my opinion, the best part of the whole poem. The only thing i see wrong is in the last stanza, you have put Loose, it should be Lose.

    nice job
    | Posted on 2006-01-27 00:00:00 | by MmR | [ Reply to This ]
      Once again a deep and emotional and very true write from you
    As ive said before I always enjoy reading your poetry
    This one to me refers to all the life changing experiences ive experienced in the past few years and all the huge decisions ive had to make
    Brenna
    You have a really big skill of drawing in readers to your writes
    God Bless
    Ron

    My mom asked me if i would ask you if its ok for me to print out a few of your writes for her to read
    Please let me knowe if its ok
    Ron
    | Posted on 2006-01-27 00:00:00 | by Ronswords | [ Reply to This ]
      I absolutely love this line: "...my life is under the control of nothing but my mind!" That is the most powerful, sensible statement that I have read and contemplated in a long time. In itself...there is such an enormous amount truth to that.

    The rhythm was a little off in some places...example in the second stanza...may I?...
    Until I locate what I seek,
    I'll never stop to sigh.
    Known after death as just a freak
    (if my bodyís not passed by)

    Sorry...I have this thing about rhyming and beat. I like to be able to read a rhyme poem straight through from beginning to end, without a stop...fluently.

    All in all a good write. In agreement with previous comments regarding the positive attitude...perhaps you have wisdom beyond your years...truly remarkable. Take this poem you have written to heart...read it over and over again... And remember...if you are serious about dedicating your life to hunting down the Truth...don't "close the door" if it comes "knocking!"
    My compliments and blessings to you!
    Kimmy
    | Posted on 2006-01-27 00:00:00 | by KimmyMim | [ Reply to This ]
      Hey Dreamer!

    Worry not, young one. All the best people are mutant aberations! Something to be proud of in the age of the lowest common denominator.

    What I like most about this is that instead of an over-awed (and thus over-used) approach you are descidedly flipant in tone, with an almost singing quality of self-realized defiance here.

    I picture in my mind an adorable little girl in pig tails skipping down the road, pausing to flip someone off for being old and obnoxiously set in their ways.

    This way good fun to read,

    Jason
    | Posted on 2006-01-27 00:00:00 | by Jason The Basta | [ Reply to This ]
      lol. And you are unique!

    I mainly loved tha part about being your own teacher. It can be a bit challenging at times, but fun none the less.

    As always, NICE JOB my friend! You've produced another little work of teenage art. ;)

    Sammy
    | Posted on 2006-01-27 00:00:00 | by Raven_TheWolf | [ Reply to This ]
      I love the lighthearted, easy going feel of the poem - about someone quite comfortable in their search. the third stanza is especially good IMHO.

    I personally couldn't get into the line "Known after death as a freak". May just be the generation gap, but "freak" to my thinking is a bit frivilous for a journey-man philosopher.

    -Frank
    | Posted on 2006-01-26 00:00:00 | by FrankBlissett | [ Reply to This ]
      I think the ideas and emotion of this poem are well thought out. There is a strange flow that you have going on that makes it a bit difficult to read because it loses its rythm here and there. It also narrowly avoids being angsty in the beginning and almost put me off from reading it as I'm not a fan of teenage angst. However, the end is artful and the rhyme scheme flows and seems very natural. Good job.
    | Posted on 2006-01-26 00:00:00 | by Onichan | [ Reply to This ]
      I salute your youthful enthusiasm (and that old head on those young shoulders), it's encouraging to see someone unwilling to lay blame for life's difficulties at another person's doorstep. This was a flawlessly presented vision of the pioneer spirit coupled with the boundless energy of discovery that people of all ages need to see demonstrated. Very nicely done, DD. Take care of yourself (and keep dreaming). Bill.
    | Posted on 2006-01-26 00:00:00 | by rws | [ Reply to This ]
      Hehehe! You are unique, and so is this poem, beecause never have I read anywhere a poem about how weird someone is. I've never even come close to thinking about thinking about writing about this, so already that makes it unique. I also love the fact that you stand proud throughout your poetry, and you didn't let it get you down, and I have to say my favorite line is, "Fate might not be on my side,/
    But the presentís my decision." I think that makes you really cool because you don't let anyone else decide for you how you should be. You;re you and you're going to be you until even after you die. I have to say that that is a pretty cool statement riight there, and I hope more people read it. Awesome job.
    Peace and love,
    *Aya*
    | Posted on 2006-01-26 00:00:00 | by EmpathicAya | [ Reply to This ]
      well i'm back :D hehe ...
    this is really a good poem, well written.. you got the point across (or the point i see) ...
    it's always good to think and see what makes each of us unique... i see some of my own traits in this poem, but in others, i see we differ...
    i liked the ending especially,
    "So now my life I dedicate
    To hunting down the Truth"
    most of us are in that search for the truth...
    "seek and u shall find" - matthew 7
    i really liked how you describe the journey you will/are about to/are already embark[ed] (i hope that made sense) on, and you know what u are to meet on the way there, and that you won't ever give up...
    this is a really good poem,
    congrats,
    cheers,
    Deeps
    | Posted on 2006-01-26 00:00:00 | by DeepsLighter | [ Reply to This ]


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