I just sat looking,
As you stood there
With your back to me, face turned away
So all I could see was your beautiful hair.
When I am with you you pretend
As if you never did or ever will care;
When I am with you I feel my heart swell up inside,
Even though with you my heart and mind truly reside.
I am unable to tell you how I feel,
Hoping you would realise soon and accept me,
Hoping my heart will finally start to heal
Because you are the one who is breaking it continuously
Without even realising it yourself...
| nice way to put ur emotions while watching....her!|
"Because you are the one who is breaking it continuously
Without even realising it yourself..."
-i thought those were the best lines in the poem...
all i can think of saying before ending this critique is..."TRUE, TRUE!"---the shawty way
|| Posted on 2006-05-03 00:00:00 | by obaid | [ Reply to This ] || beautiful...captures all of your feelings while watching her...and thinking of her. I can really really relate, until i spoke...but...|
|| Posted on 2006-03-01 00:00:00 | by darkwinged | [ Reply to This ] || Awesome. It gave me shivers. It was emotional and describtive. Good Job. It made me think of..a lot of things I cant really explain.|
|| Posted on 2006-01-28 00:00:00 | by inkpen | [ Reply to This ] || Looking at a girls back ... looks familiar to me ...|
Ah yes, I remember, it happens almost every day ...
Nice poem, I would the rest of it
|| Posted on 2006-01-27 00:00:00 | by Tom110989 | [ Reply to This ] || Oh, the love that is never realized... I hate that crap! The deep dark crush that consumes you in the night when all you can think of is the scent of her hair and the softness of her skin... whoa buddy, I feel for you!|
This was a wonderfully descriptive poem!
|| Posted on 2006-01-27 00:00:00 | by Indigo Kid | [ Reply to This ] || i see and we should all see how he loves so one so much that she continues to refuse to take him into his heart. i understand completly. VERY EMOTIONAL!||| Posted on 2006-01-26 00:00:00 | by red passion | [ Reply to This ] || It seems like it's coming along nicely. But it's just a bit choppy... But it looks good so far. Keep it coming and it seems nice.|
|| Posted on 2006-01-26 00:00:00 | by Pabapfc | [ Reply to This ] || Few typos, a little choppy in some places, but good foundation. And I can completely relate. I, too, would like to see the finished product.|
|| Posted on 2006-01-26 00:00:00 | by Melora | [ Reply to This ] || there was a time i went threw this emotion, the flow was good, except a couple places it was choppy. you said you are not done, well i would like to read the rest.|
|| Posted on 2006-01-26 00:00:00 | by BlindToYou | [ Reply to This ] |