Leave Your Luck by Liv2LoveThePain

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Submission Name: Leave Your Luck dots

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Author:	Liv2LoveThePain
ASL Info:	19 - F - Philly
Elite Ratio:	4.23 - 1527/1515/256
Words:	99

Class/Type:	Poetry/Misc
Total Views:	195
Average Vote:	No vote yet.
Bytes:	579

Description:
It's short, it's stupid, and it needed to be said.

Leave Your Luck dots

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If you can live with your foot half in the door, then go ahead,
But don't complain when those around your empty soul are dead.
Like I've said before, you're not alone beneath the bed.
I just hope you're happy with the carpet stained the darkest shade of red.

Live the way you want to and keep drowning my advice.
When you ask for my opinion, are you just trying to be nice?
I only share because I care, but you don't think it over twice.
Forget I said a thing and leave your luck to shadowed dice.

Submitted on 2006-01-26 17:49:44 Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

1: >_<
2: I dunno...
3: meh!
4: Pretty cool
5: Wow!

||| Comments |||
  It's always nice to have someone who can guide you in the right direction. Some of us are to proud or ignorant to accept people like this. It's what makes us human. Some of us like to learn the hard way. A very nice poem, i hope this person isn't this stubborn anymore...
| Posted on 2006-04-27 00:00:00 | by In the Fire... | [ Reply to This ]
  The first bit isn't quite to par with the second, but that's just because of the bed red thing, it threw me off a tad.. but I like the whole, monster under the bed thought.. I can relate to this, but man... I have this friend who doesn't want to hear about worries or what ifs or be discouraged about her stupid behavior. So I didn't really know what to do, i saw her pushing other friends away that tried to tell her what was best... All you can really do is say your piece in an objective.. because if there's even a chance of them remembering during a critical moment, it's worth it, huh? Yeah... cool write. Peace, again. -rue
| Posted on 2006-03-30 00:00:00 | by Rue | [ Reply to This ]
  I Can imagine who this is about. Dont you hate stupid people who just wont listen. Anywho, I liked it but thats no suprise because i always like your poetry. My favorite part was...

"Like I've said before, you're not alone beneath the bed.
I just hope you're happy with the carpet stained the darkest shade of red."

...because it made me think of ppl that complain to me about the problems that many of us have and then when you try to help them they just wont listen and then you realize that they dont want to be helped but they would love to have something to whine anout so they just make it worse.

Sorry im rambling. I dont even kno if thats what you meant but thats what it made me think of. Anywho, your very talented and awesome. : )
Love always
~samm
| Posted on 2006-03-02 00:00:00 | by LoveToHateMe | [ Reply to This ]
  It is like a poem to call attention to you feeling like you are not being heard out and you want to be heard out because you hear him out on your choices of your situations. I feel you on the point you are making in the poem... Leave it to luck meaning Do it by yourself and forget that I am here because it seems that he just dont care about what you think... thats messed up but in most relationships I have gone through so true... people for the most part think of themselves first and others later and act on that before realizing who they hurt... nice write nikkki

Jose J. Ortiz aka Josyman
| Posted on 2006-02-03 00:00:00 | by josymanthegreat | [ Reply to This ]
  i like that u went with longer lines, but a shorter overall poem. i kida get the feeling that i kno who this is about. i like "Forget I said a thing and leave your luck to shadowed dice." i think ure imagry is great. in short, i loved it.
-Kate
| Posted on 2006-02-01 00:00:00 | by MyFairCalamity | [ Reply to This ]
  sometimes ppl are a bit too arrogant to accept help even when they need it. or they ask for it and ignore it. you just can't help stuck up buttfaces like that.
the lines were really long, but you still managed to make it flow very nicely! i think that takes some mad skills! and your rhymes are unique, as ever. i seem to use the same rhymes over and over so i don't write very many poems...
but this is a lovely piece! keep it up!
| Posted on 2006-01-31 00:00:00 | by LoneWolf | [ Reply to This ]
  Nicely done, there are a lot of refernces in here to tell the whole story, and I really like your rhyme scheme. It's hard to get away with that, and you did it well.

Nothing to critique, just telling you how much I enjoyed it, lots of different feelings, and a great tale, well done

be happy

Graeme
| Posted on 2006-01-26 00:00:00 | by wewak11 | [ Reply to This ]
  A very sensual read.

I really enjoyed the line, "Like I've said before, you're not alone beneath the bed."

God flow, and precise. I would consider revisiting the question in the poem, as the reader is given an experience, not neccasarily a direct option for reflection.

Also, a title is an integral to any written work. It conveys a sense setting, mood, or additional info to the work to follow.

Thanks for the read!

Todd
| Posted on 2006-01-26 00:00:00 | by Cigarz | [ Reply to This ]
  Some people just can't take advise. I know, I give mine all the time... I am like a psychologist for most of my friends. Sometimes it is hard to see what is in front of your face when you are involved and hard to understand that otheres can see what is going on better then you. This was a good piece! I liked it and don't think it is stupid at all!

IK
| Posted on 2006-01-26 00:00:00 | by Indigo Kid | [ Reply to This ]
  I agree with Maggie, sounds like you are trying to help someone and they ask for your help yet turn a half-haggard blind eye too it because you are TOO right and they just dont want to admit how pathetically wrong they are. Dontcha hate that? It is a short write but I dont agree with you that its stupid. Its got great rhyming and reads very well. Sucks the reader into its ventful emotion like they could have written it too, ya know?
Nice vent Nikkki! Thanks for sharing!

| Posted on 2006-01-26 00:00:00 | by hyproglo | [ Reply to This ]
  Nice rhyme. It seems in this one there is someone who is confused. Someone who wants to be ther, but at the same time doest seem there. Like being somewhere physically but not mentally. The subject in this piece seems to have people that want to help, but at the same time the subject is lost in the mist of confusion. If im wrong tell me. Another great write. Im gonna have to start stalking you at this rate.

Saint Kairo
| Posted on 2006-01-26 00:00:00 | by Saint | [ Reply to This ]
  Sounds like you are trying to help someone who don't want your help. It was insightful, if anything and honest. I liked the was you kept up the aaaa form. that was pretty neat. this could almost turn into a song. I can hear music to this. Very potent and brief. Nice write.

Maggie
| Posted on 2006-01-26 00:00:00 | by Magnolia Steele | [ Reply to This ]

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