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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: untitleddots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: darkwinged
    ASL Info:    17/F/MI
    Elite Ratio:    3.61 - 184/217/74
    Words: 211
    Class/Type: Poetry/Depressed
    Total Views: 870
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1466



    Description:
       This was written on my bus ride home the other, it just kind of...formed. I don't know. I just started to write, so...whatever. I want honest feedback. Honest. Bad or good, whatever. Just tell yes or no, or what i could do to fix it.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsuntitleddots
    -------------------------------------------


    Two p.m. in the afternoon
    Delirium is setting in
    Hallucinations
    I’m becoming numb
    The pills are working their course
    Helping me rid the pain
    I can see the fairies flying
    Creatures under my bed
    The eyes in the closet
    Those red eyes daring me to
    Take some more.
    I obey.
    One…
    Two…
    Three…
    Four…
    Five more
    To add to the twenty before
    I’m going insane
    Hearing voices
    They’re edging me on
    I’m taking two at a time now
    Until I reach ten more.
    I think it’s enough
    The voices are getting louder
    The fairies closer.
    I can see their claws
    They aren’t as pretty anymore
    Turning into the Devil’s assassins
    My mind is blanking
    The fairies are fading
    The voices are still there
    Hundreds
    All screaming
    Yelling yes
    Whispering no.
    I listen to the yes’s
    Downing seven more pills
    I can no longer move
    Laying on my bed
    The voices are fading
    I can no longer see.
    No longer hear.
    Waiting for death
    Soon it comes.
    I regret it instantly.
    I already miss my family,
    My friends
    I wake up
    Opening my eyes,
    I ‘m in my own bed
    It’s only four am
    Looking around,
    I see the full pill bottle
    I get one last chance at life




    Submitted on 2006-01-26 18:21:33     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
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    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      i actually experienced sumthing like this so seeing it written infront of my eyes was like a DE JA VU.
    nice write...keep up the GREAT work
    | Posted on 2006-01-31 00:00:00 | by obaid | [ Reply to This ]
      interesting perspective. i like it. i love new views on things. it really drew me in. very nicely done.

    thanks for the comment.
    | Posted on 2006-01-29 00:00:00 | by imperfectxcore | [ Reply to This ]
      This is totally hystarical. You asked for honest, so here it goes. This was not one of my favs just simply for the fact that it seems way too far out there for me, yet I could not stop reading it. My overall assessment, as contridictory as this might seem, This is a great work. I was totally sucked into it, although it did leave a very oily taste in my mouth

    IK
    | Posted on 2006-01-27 00:00:00 | by Indigo Kid | [ Reply to This ]
      Wow.... That was... Awesome. I thought it was seriously really, really good. I thought the ending was really good. The second chance at life. Congratz on a good piece.
    -Miss
    | Posted on 2006-01-26 00:00:00 | by Pabapfc | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
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    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
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    12. Does it feel original?



    88998

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.


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