Writingpoetry

[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

dotsdots
nav
  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav



    nav
  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav



    << | >>
    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Empty Pillowdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: Indigo Kid
    ASL Info:    33/f/everywhere
    Elite Ratio:    3.73 - 428/438/115
    Words: 141
    Class/Type: Poetry/Love
    Total Views: 978
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 900



    Description:
       My BF is a trucker and comes home on the weekends... I am excited to see him!


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsEmpty Pillowdots
    -------------------------------------------


    Waiting for the moment you
    beam into our colorful door
    that I painted long ago
    with the tint of our
    geometric life full of
    angles and circles.

    Butterfly energy rising with my
    coffee induced mood and
    your faded jeans in my mind
    haunting my sleeplessness
    as my arm reaches to the
    empty pillow next to me.

    It is Valentines Day and
    Christmas during those
    pristine moments that
    you are in your car winding
    your way towards me and my
    persona that is lost without you.

    Knowing you will be with me
    tomorrow night fills my mind
    with candlelight and those
    soft, etching moments of
    your scent and that everlasting
    feeling of pure love that I carry
    in a silk lined basket for only you.






    Submitted on 2006-01-26 21:10:51     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      Just sweet and pure, no matter what anyone says, just great. The punctuations would help me better read it. But again, I don't care because the sweet sounds of those words just calm one into bliss.
    | Posted on 2006-02-01 00:00:00 | by lmen | [ Reply to This ]
      Nicely done! The loneliness and the love, the "empty pillow" and the expectation, thes contrasts you have depicted beautifully, with original phrases such as,

    "tint of our geometric life"

    and

    "soft, etching moments".

    Such a relationship must be difficult. So much time alone, must bring heartache, but as you say,"the time together is that much sweeter".
    You've expressed all of these ideas here in this poem. For that, it is complete. Just a great job of expessing the hearts loneliness and anticipation. Loved it!

    Phil
    | Posted on 2006-01-31 00:00:00 | by phil askew | [ Reply to This ]
      I have been in a long distance relationship for about 2 and a half years...I see my boyfriend like twice in a year with him being in the military. I know that feeling when he finally comes home. The night before when you can't even sleep, and all the lonely days and nights ...it's hard but the time that you DO get to spend together is that much sweeter. What I liked about your poem was I almost felt two feelings in it...the emptiness of being without him..but the excitement of getting to see him again. Great write. Take care! ~hailie~
    | Posted on 2006-01-28 00:00:00 | by loveispain | [ Reply to This ]
      Now if man doesn't know he loved, he really dumb,lol

    this is very beautifully written and the your love just leaps off the pages and makes people want to say to themselves,do I have someone that love me this way. bravo
    | Posted on 2006-01-28 00:00:00 | by edthepoet | [ Reply to This ]
      I think this one is just beautiful- it speaks of love and all the anticipation of seeing the one who makes you feel whole again- very nicely done- you should write this one out and frame it in a picture and give it to your "man" - what could be a better gift than an offering of your love- Great job! Bonnie
    | Posted on 2006-01-27 00:00:00 | by delusional | [ Reply to This ]
      So beautiful!
    You have a lovely way with words in this poem. To name one >"Butterfly energy
    rising with my coffee induced mood".
    The entire write is wonderfully written. I wouldn't change anything.
    You should be proud of this one..
    As I've no doubt the one it was written for is.

    Nice work!
    ~Sandra
    | Posted on 2006-01-27 00:00:00 | by Intricate1 | [ Reply to This ]
      An excellent love letter, you can't really improve much on this, I must only say I'm happy for you.

    It's so nice to find a happy poem amongst all the depression here.

    Well done

    be happy

    Graeme
    | Posted on 2006-01-26 00:00:00 | by wewak11 | [ Reply to This ]
      Wow, this was like a love letter. It was one of love and loneliness. I loved the way you described how you feel about the time he spends away. By lumping in the holidays, it made more of a impact on the reader. the way you wrote about what you can recall when he is with you in bed, made the poem so heartfelt, because most of us women can relate. I know I can. My bf and I had a lond distance relationship for a bit, till we moved in together. You spoke from your heart and that is what makes me love this so. It's almost the weekend, yeay! A very good poem.

    Maggie
    | Posted on 2006-01-26 00:00:00 | by Magnolia Steele | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?



    89029

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.


    Google
     


    poetry

    dotsLogindots

    User Name:

    Password:

    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]


    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems
    Posted

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]



    FontSize:
    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]
     Poetry