Waiting for the moment you
beam into our colorful door
that I painted long ago
with the tint of our
geometric life full of
angles and circles.
Butterfly energy rising with my
coffee induced mood and
your faded jeans in my mind
haunting my sleeplessness
as my arm reaches to the
empty pillow next to me.
It is Valentines Day and
Christmas during those
pristine moments that
you are in your car winding
your way towards me and my
persona that is lost without you.
Knowing you will be with me
tomorrow night fills my mind
with candlelight and those
soft, etching moments of
your scent and that everlasting
feeling of pure love that I carry
in a silk lined basket for only you.
| Just sweet and pure, no matter what anyone says, just great. The punctuations would help me better read it. But again, I don't care because the sweet sounds of those words just calm one into bliss.||| Posted on 2006-02-01 00:00:00 | by lmen | [ Reply to This ] || Nicely done! The loneliness and the love, the "empty pillow" and the expectation, thes contrasts you have depicted beautifully, with original phrases such as,|
"tint of our geometric life"
"soft, etching moments".
Such a relationship must be difficult. So much time alone, must bring heartache, but as you say,"the time together is that much sweeter".
You've expressed all of these ideas here in this poem. For that, it is complete. Just a great job of expessing the hearts loneliness and anticipation. Loved it!
|| Posted on 2006-01-31 00:00:00 | by phil askew | [ Reply to This ] || I have been in a long distance relationship for about 2 and a half years...I see my boyfriend like twice in a year with him being in the military. I know that feeling when he finally comes home. The night before when you can't even sleep, and all the lonely days and nights ...it's hard but the time that you DO get to spend together is that much sweeter. What I liked about your poem was I almost felt two feelings in it...the emptiness of being without him..but the excitement of getting to see him again. Great write. Take care! ~hailie~||| Posted on 2006-01-28 00:00:00 | by loveispain | [ Reply to This ] || Now if man doesn't know he loved, he really dumb,lol|
this is very beautifully written and the your love just leaps off the pages and makes people want to say to themselves,do I have someone that love me this way. bravo
|| Posted on 2006-01-28 00:00:00 | by edthepoet | [ Reply to This ] || I think this one is just beautiful- it speaks of love and all the anticipation of seeing the one who makes you feel whole again- very nicely done- you should write this one out and frame it in a picture and give it to your "man" - what could be a better gift than an offering of your love- Great job! Bonnie||| Posted on 2006-01-27 00:00:00 | by delusional | [ Reply to This ] || So beautiful! |
You have a lovely way with words in this poem. To name one >"Butterfly energy
rising with my coffee induced mood".
The entire write is wonderfully written. I wouldn't change anything.
You should be proud of this one..
As I've no doubt the one it was written for is.
|| Posted on 2006-01-27 00:00:00 | by Intricate1 | [ Reply to This ] || An excellent love letter, you can't really improve much on this, I must only say I'm happy for you.|
It's so nice to find a happy poem amongst all the depression here.
|| Posted on 2006-01-26 00:00:00 | by wewak11 | [ Reply to This ] || Wow, this was like a love letter. It was one of love and loneliness. I loved the way you described how you feel about the time he spends away. By lumping in the holidays, it made more of a impact on the reader. the way you wrote about what you can recall when he is with you in bed, made the poem so heartfelt, because most of us women can relate. I know I can. My bf and I had a lond distance relationship for a bit, till we moved in together. You spoke from your heart and that is what makes me love this so. It's almost the weekend, yeay! A very good poem.|
|| Posted on 2006-01-26 00:00:00 | by Magnolia Steele | [ Reply to This ] |