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    dots Submission Name: My first love poemdots

    Author: nasuka
    ASL Info:    22/m/WA
    Elite Ratio:    2.93 - 124/186/48
    Words: 159
    Class/Type: Misc/Love
    Total Views: 811
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 983

       Ive never really written like this before. Comment or bash. Its up to you. This is just how I feel right now.

    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsMy first love poemdots

    I stare at your smile
    Yet you cant see
    Just how much
    You mean to me
    Look in my eyes
    Cant you see the love
    Cant you see why
    your my gift from above?
    You make my pain bareable
    You help me through this hell
    And its just so unreal
    how you know me so well
    I pray this will last
    I hope you feel the same
    Were overcoming the past
    I hope this isnt to lame
    Ive never written of love
    Or anything happy before
    But when you came along
    That all went out the door
    You brought light
    To this once dark soul
    You picked up the broken peices
    Attempting to make me whole
    So please give me your hand
    And dont be afriad
    Just be ready to make a stand
    Not to break anything we've made.
    Be ready to take a leap
    Please dont be scared
    For I couldnt drop you
    Even if dared.

    Submitted on 2006-01-27 02:09:04     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      its weird when you've always written about dark, deppresed, bad stuff, et cetera...to then go to love...its almost more difficult to write about...is it not? after all that time to change gears in the middle...i know how you feel...i feel like that so much now that i created this new eliteskills site so that i can just mostly post love poetry...
    | Posted on 2006-02-11 00:00:00 | by 2Numb | [ Reply to This ]
      hey dawg this is awesome ive been there but not anymore im happy that uve found someone that makes u feel that way cuz every one deserves to be happy and i can see thats what u r is happy
    | Posted on 2006-02-01 00:00:00 | by Crazy-Suicide | [ Reply to This ]
      i liked this. i think it describes how everyone feels when they've gone from being kinda lonely and depressed to realizing what they have in a relationship with someone they really care about. my favorite line is also,
    You brought light
    To this once dark soul

    keep up the good writing, and continue trying things you havent tried before, it can only help you
    | Posted on 2006-01-27 00:00:00 | by jen531 | [ Reply to This ]
      I like this, it describes I think everyone's feelings on writing a love poem. You want to show it to the one you love, but it is hard. My favorite line is:

    You brought light
    To this once dark soul

    The people that make us stronger are great, and I think you should show it to the one that gave you light :) Good job. I enjoyed it.

    | Posted on 2006-01-27 00:00:00 | by invisiblerose | [ Reply to This ]
      This is pretty...and pretty poems are my favorite...this reminds me of something that my sister Raivn, who is also on this site by the way(under that name) and I love her poems...she is the reason that I found poetry in the first placce.
    | Posted on 2006-01-27 00:00:00 | by lori_tab | [ Reply to This ]
      This is so elegantly written. It almost makes me think that someone may eventually love me as much as I love them back. Great write, despite some some spelling errors.
    | Posted on 2006-01-27 00:00:00 | by alcoholcaust | [ Reply to This ]
      Defintely need a new title and how did you get stuck on the whole corny thing, just cause its about love donts mean its corny! Also to add to Sugars Brake comment I think anything should be everything and make sure to puctuate weve to we've got sidetracked for a minute on that one. Another Awsome poem. I just can't write like you do with all your soul in it. I love this poem but you better watch out or I might start to get a big head or at least a bigger one, lol.
    | Posted on 2006-01-27 00:00:00 | by Alura | [ Reply to This ]
      This poem's not corny at all! I think it's really good. It's cool that you wrote about how you're feeling. I enjoy those writes. =P
    Keep up the good work!

    | Posted on 2006-01-27 00:00:00 | by Lavender | [ Reply to This ]
      I think this is lovely, it made me smile! I dont think the title does the piece justice though - it weakens it somehow.
    The flow is nice - just be careful of your spelling. "Brake" in this context should be "break".
    Thanks, Sugar
    | Posted on 2006-01-27 00:00:00 | by Sugar | [ Reply to This ]
      Cant you see the love
    Cant you see why
    your my gift from above?
    (this isnt the BEST stanza in the world.. sorry.sorry.sorry.)
    Thats pretty much the ONLY thing I see wrong with it.. Really romantic and good write.
    | Posted on 2006-01-27 00:00:00 | by PoeticSoul666 | [ Reply to This ]

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