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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Pour Your Soul into Medots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: chrls
    ASL Info:    43/m/louisiana
    Elite Ratio:    3.15 - 43/56/16
    Words: 146
    Class/Type: Lyrics/Misc
    Total Views: 759
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 969



    Description:
       Just want some honest feedback


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    dotsPour Your Soul into Medots
    -------------------------------------------


    Crying for my weakness
    Thatís growing as the days pass
    Feeling I canít face it alone
    Wallowing in sorrow
    For moments that have slipped by
    Counting things that I should have done

    What can reshape me?
    Change me from what Iíve become
    I canít escape me
    When everything inside is numb

    Pour your soul into me
    It feels so different
    When my eyes can see
    So, pour your soul into me

    Sitting in the darkness
    Protection for my feelings
    Careful of the ones I let in
    Fighting back the screams
    That just come out as whispers
    Locked away in myself again

    What can reshape me?
    Change me from what Iíve become
    I canít escape me
    When everything inside is numb

    Pour your soul into me
    It feels so different
    When my eyes can see
    So, pour your soul into me




    Submitted on 2006-01-27 10:01:46     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      It sounds like someone is vare vare dissatisfied with his life. It could use a little tweaking along the lines of more exciting vocabulary instead of the repetitive angsty stuff. I'm not saying make it upbeat; not at all. Just be more descriptive. For instance, "wallowing in sorrow" could definitely be reconstructed into something fresh and original. However, I will leave that to you. :-)

    later days,
    mel

    P.S. I did like "I can't escape me/when everything inside is numb." Very relateable.
    | Posted on 2006-05-25 00:00:00 | by Melora | [ Reply to This ]
      This is such a deep poem. I love how the stanzas are different lengths. The chrous is amazing, the line "Pour yourself into me" really makes the poem effective. The soul is both understandable, yet mysterious enough to keep a reader interested.
    | Posted on 2006-02-03 00:00:00 | by sapphire109 | [ Reply to This ]
      this was very good and i dont think i have read any other poem on the site with the emotional depth as this one
    most of my life i have felt dead inside except for the last couple years
    great write and great read
    sandman
    | Posted on 2006-01-27 00:00:00 | by sandman | [ Reply to This ]
      I'm really glad I stopped by & read this - my brother's name is Chris(topher) and he's in jail right now & I was thinking about him and this made me feel like he was praying this.
    I found it very tender and vulnerable and spiritual. Awesome!
    Love,Peace,Joy&Smilez 2 share
    tif
    | Posted on 2006-01-27 00:00:00 | by Epiphany | [ Reply to This ]
      *sniffles* I know exactly how you feel...wow this poem really touched me...I really loved everything about it. It reminds me so much of me. Great work!

    Kris
    | Posted on 2006-05-19 00:00:00 | by Raindrops | [ Reply to This ]
      WOW! This was very well written. It had a very emotional images to it, and it contained a very great feeling of wanting someone that you can't have. Great job, and I really would like to read more of your work if it is this into depth with your feelings.
    Alyssa
    | Posted on 2006-01-27 00:00:00 | by alcoholcaust | [ Reply to This ]


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