Writingpoetry

[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

dotsdots
nav
  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav



    nav
  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav



    << | >>
    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Pour Your Soul into Medots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: chrls
    ASL Info:    43/m/louisiana
    Elite Ratio:    3.15 - 43/56/16
    Words: 146
    Class/Type: Lyrics/Misc
    Total Views: 627
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 969



    Description:
       Just want some honest feedback


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsPour Your Soul into Medots
    -------------------------------------------


    Crying for my weakness
    Thatís growing as the days pass
    Feeling I canít face it alone
    Wallowing in sorrow
    For moments that have slipped by
    Counting things that I should have done

    What can reshape me?
    Change me from what Iíve become
    I canít escape me
    When everything inside is numb

    Pour your soul into me
    It feels so different
    When my eyes can see
    So, pour your soul into me

    Sitting in the darkness
    Protection for my feelings
    Careful of the ones I let in
    Fighting back the screams
    That just come out as whispers
    Locked away in myself again

    What can reshape me?
    Change me from what Iíve become
    I canít escape me
    When everything inside is numb

    Pour your soul into me
    It feels so different
    When my eyes can see
    So, pour your soul into me




    Submitted on 2006-01-27 10:01:46     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      It sounds like someone is vare vare dissatisfied with his life. It could use a little tweaking along the lines of more exciting vocabulary instead of the repetitive angsty stuff. I'm not saying make it upbeat; not at all. Just be more descriptive. For instance, "wallowing in sorrow" could definitely be reconstructed into something fresh and original. However, I will leave that to you. :-)

    later days,
    mel

    P.S. I did like "I can't escape me/when everything inside is numb." Very relateable.
    | Posted on 2006-05-25 00:00:00 | by Melora | [ Reply to This ]
      This is such a deep poem. I love how the stanzas are different lengths. The chrous is amazing, the line "Pour yourself into me" really makes the poem effective. The soul is both understandable, yet mysterious enough to keep a reader interested.
    | Posted on 2006-02-03 00:00:00 | by sapphire109 | [ Reply to This ]
      this was very good and i dont think i have read any other poem on the site with the emotional depth as this one
    most of my life i have felt dead inside except for the last couple years
    great write and great read
    sandman
    | Posted on 2006-01-27 00:00:00 | by sandman | [ Reply to This ]
      I'm really glad I stopped by & read this - my brother's name is Chris(topher) and he's in jail right now & I was thinking about him and this made me feel like he was praying this.
    I found it very tender and vulnerable and spiritual. Awesome!
    Love,Peace,Joy&Smilez 2 share
    tif
    | Posted on 2006-01-27 00:00:00 | by Epiphany | [ Reply to This ]
      *sniffles* I know exactly how you feel...wow this poem really touched me...I really loved everything about it. It reminds me so much of me. Great work!

    Kris
    | Posted on 2006-05-19 00:00:00 | by Raindrops | [ Reply to This ]
      WOW! This was very well written. It had a very emotional images to it, and it contained a very great feeling of wanting someone that you can't have. Great job, and I really would like to read more of your work if it is this into depth with your feelings.
    Alyssa
    | Posted on 2006-01-27 00:00:00 | by alcoholcaust | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?



    89063

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

    The Want written by Daniel Barlow
    Compartments written by TheStillSilence
    FamiliarDemons ¬©‚ĄĘ written by kyserin
    Live In Between written by teika5
    Lie back & tan written by Daniel Barlow
    The Curtain Call written by faideddarkness
    Honeymoon written by TheStillSilence
    Lost Inside the Race written by ForgottenGraves
    Adoration written by TheStillSilence
    Coversheets written by TheStillSilence
    Night- time written by Daniel Barlow
    A bit of Pain written by teika5
    Johnny's Cock written by endlessgame23
    Day 6 written by TheStillSilence
    Hyle written by endlessgame23
    When Sirens Whisper written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Across the bed written by expiring_touch
    Things They (Don't) Say written by TheStillSilence
    Relentless. The Visceral Fracture. written by Daniel Barlow
    Loop-di-Loop written by endlessgame23
    A Worsening Effect written by Daniel Barlow
    // Seasonal Song written by ShadowParadox
    no sky on the other side written by teika5
    Meaningless Meanings written by ForgottenGraves
    (Untitled Song) written by TeslaKoyal
    A Thousand Reflections written by endlessgame23
    Vortex: The Imagination That Is written by KeeperOfLight
    a leaf of shadow and edge written by Daniel Barlow
    Delicious Stews written by elephantasia
    Twin Intercept written by Daniel Barlow

    Google
     


    poetry

    dotsLogindots

    User Name:

    Password:

    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]


    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems
    Posted

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]



    FontSize:
    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]
     Poetry