It sounds like someone is vare vare dissatisfied with his life. It could use a little tweaking along the lines of more exciting vocabulary instead of the repetitive angsty stuff. I'm not saying make it upbeat; not at all. Just be more descriptive. For instance, "wallowing in sorrow" could definitely be reconstructed into something fresh and original. However, I will leave that to you. :-)
later days, mel
P.S. I did like "I can't escape me/when everything inside is numb." Very relateable.
This is such a deep poem. I love how the stanzas are different lengths. The chrous is amazing, the line "Pour yourself into me" really makes the poem effective. The soul is both understandable, yet mysterious enough to keep a reader interested.
this was very good and i dont think i have read any other poem on the site with the emotional depth as this one most of my life i have felt dead inside except for the last couple years great write and great read sandman
I'm really glad I stopped by & read this - my brother's name is Chris(topher) and he's in jail right now & I was thinking about him and this made me feel like he was praying this. I found it very tender and vulnerable and spiritual. Awesome! Love,Peace,Joy&Smilez 2 share tif
WOW! This was very well written. It had a very emotional images to it, and it contained a very great feeling of wanting someone that you can't have. Great job, and I really would like to read more of your work if it is this into depth with your feelings. Alyssa