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    dots Submission Name: sweetness in tearsdots

    Author: Akili
    Elite Ratio:    2.36 - 915/400/60
    Words: 439
    Class/Type: Poetry/Serious
    Total Views: 949
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 2727

       something I just wrote and maybe my longest written poem thingy yet

    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotssweetness in tearsdots

    A childish laugh
    got shallowed up by tears and hate
    you said life was full of nothing
    and we all must die

    a battle
    blows to the head and spirit
    never give up and allow the years to roll on

    we can never fully guard those we love
    from the way this world is won

    you scarred yourself again today
    said it made you feel better
    wrote a little poem about it
    then said you had ended up just fine

    why do we rail against those
    which seem just a little bit strange?

    Told to hate and when to love
    did me and you ever
    really think for ourselves?

    Drug dealers on each corner
    that which is scarred or is fair
    children get hooked again and again
    but was it really a surprise
    to a generation that
    drugs that which they can not take control of?

    I believe in something stronger then you
    stronger then all this hate
    and all of the love you try to push yourself into
    We watch the stars come

    then you tell me how it all will end
    with bitter tears running down the cheeks of all

    they tell us that fear
    is something you have to deal with everyday
    But nothing so large as the monster in the closet
    or the one under your bed.

    Told to go into a office and watch
    as the world again passes us by

    I would rather be running across the sands
    of an ocean come and gone
    just another thing which lived and must die
    no greater and somehow no lesser then us

    no one to turn to
    no place we could really hide.
    Everyplace you turn someone watches
    watch out for big brother
    and the CIA, FBI
    though they’ll never be there

    just the baggage man with that
    crazy red rimmed eyes
    and a coat
    that he was given by a smiling lady three seasons ago

    the grass was never greener
    in other times or places
    nothing has really changed
    whatever one might say.

    I wish to fly though the clouds un aided
    taste that which smells so sweet
    drink and make merry

    though you stand in the shadows and chant your death chant
    tell how the end must come
    and how much pain everything has brought

    I just look at my scars
    and smile a smile so queer.
    Ask if you’d like cake with your tea
    then follow my heart light until
    the end
    the end
    the end
    which always comes
    but is not bitter nor sweet.

    Submitted on 2006-01-27 19:34:18     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!

    ||| Comments |||
      I really really loved this, in a hard to explain way; first it made me think that we look at something; the sky, the ocean, etc; and we see something that others tell us should be so much 'bigger' than us, but what makes it bigger? our need to believe that something is bigger than us? or everyone elses' need to believe that we are so small? This made me a little sad because all of what you said is true but my mind (and if nothing else, i know how messed up it's been lately) blended some of them into a point that i feel is so much less than what you actually said; i'll have to come take another look at this sometime. (hopefully this weekend, i've been hella busy lately.) but okay basically i got your original sense that death can't be escaped; but i couldn't tell if it made you feel more trapped or just bored because regardless of what understanding you take on; that's still constant. We do often try to sheild people we care about but you know i was just having this arguement with someone; everything we ever do is selfish- for instance why are we helping someone? because WE want to, because it makes US feel better and in some cases we feel like WE should. see? beautifully cynical huh? as far as the cutting I've cut before, but I've been..."in the process" of quitting. (in other words i haven't since this september.) and i don't know if i really believed it made it any better, but it was something *I* was in control of and no one else could stop me from doing- and the pain itself, it was so beautiful, it filled as much space as the scars did on my flesh and for once, it was me being hurt on my own terms; not someone or something else hurting me. there's a little truth in that whole 'people desire power.always.' theory even if on a personal level we take it to a different point. and so i present you with a small question; if you accept that death is inevitable, then is it more valient to take your own life and show that you don't live (or die) by anyone/anything else's terms? or is it more valient to try and live, while simultaniously dying, and die when you can't hang onto life anymore? well sorry, your write was brilliant and a lot more could be said about it but sadly i have to go, if you don't mind i might take another look at this and just give another comment. Beyond that though I sincerely can't wait to read more from you, it's been a while since someone captured my mind in their words; i like your voice a lot.
    take care,
    | Posted on 2006-12-11 00:00:00 | by silent_death12 | [ Reply to This ]
      Alright, I am going to go through an comment on every stanza, because I can, and I know you will actually read it.

    S 1-3: When you are young death doesn't have much of an impact on you, though it happens all around you, or you are shielded from it from the ones who love you, the ones that are afraid of you getting hurt. In the end there is no shelter from death, it is a part of life, "what goes up must come down" and "what begins must end". All we can do is push through it all and do our best.

    S 4: For some people pain is the only way for them to feel alive. Like all of their emotions have washed away who they really are and in order for them to truely feel they need to let out what is pent up, cutting may not be the way, but it helps some.

    S 5-6: Fear of differences. We may understand what it is like to stand back and look at the freaks and fashion gurus, but to some they can only see one or the other as being the right way. There is also the issue of how we are raised, if we grow up believing one thing, it can sometimes be very hard to let go of that. So, in a way, all of our thoughts are controlled by some unseen force.

    S 7: I like this one, because I once did an essay on exactly this. We can't control what goes on in the world, lots of times not even in our homes. Yet we try and try and what does that do? Push the people farther and farther away, so that the get to the point where they won't accept help.

    S 8: Here is your lasting hope again. There are so many topics in here that would floor any number of people, but still you believe.

    S 9-14: More about the inevitable death and how we are watched our whole lives, even when we think we are alone. I think these speak for themselves.

    S 15-17: The grass, the clouds, the shadows. Never as good as they say, wishing for a better place, where real life takes place.

    S 18: The End. All smiles and manners. All emotion hidden. Mask up, we all make wonderful clowns, don't we?

    I hope you enjoyed this.
    | Posted on 2006-02-09 00:00:00 | by Krazy | [ Reply to This ]
      As I read tis and you are talk'n bout the different aspests of life in general it brings to mind something my Grandpa once told me not long before he died. He said, "Life is what you make it" and I have always believed that. So when you talk about the horrors of life or the drug dealers n every street corner just remember we all have a choice to make in life. And the choice one makes will determine how their life will be in the future.
    I think this is a good write and I thank you for sharing it as it brought to mind so things I never want to forget.
    Take care,
    | Posted on 2006-01-30 00:00:00 | by dr_tigger | [ Reply to This ]
      S7 - the last line is really akward, not sure what you were trying to say with it
    S8L1&2 - 'then' = 'than'

    I agree with Pabapfc, you need a faster wrap up. It just drags on and on, and my mind starts skipping lines waiting for you to make your point. Other than that, this is good. Condense it, say more with less.
    | Posted on 2006-01-28 00:00:00 | by HaldirLives | [ Reply to This ]
      I just think you needed to wrap it just a bit faster... I understand that somethings need explanation.. But not that much. Just letting you know what I thought.
    | Posted on 2006-01-27 00:00:00 | by Pabapfc | [ Reply to This ]
      Hmmm. I'm not sure about this one. It's a great write don't get me wrong, but it seemed to last a bit too long. LIke some of the stuff didn't need to be there.

    I really don't know what else to say, god I suck at commenting. sorry.

    | Posted on 2006-01-27 00:00:00 | by Rain | [ Reply to This ]

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