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Depressed want out.


Author: Tabbie Kat
ASL Info:    16/female/middleofnowhere
Elite Ratio:    2.68 - 37 /19 /5
Words: 71
Class/Type: Poetry /Depressed
Total Views: 1680
Average Vote:    No vote yet.
Bytes: 398



Description:


I have many problems and this is one of them.


Depressed want out.



I want to leave
to be where things are free
and no one tells me who to be

beatings go on but no one stops to put up a fight
theres a light
at the end of the tunnel
i see it curling like a funnel

if i leave now they'll forget
they'll be no regrets
i have the knife
theres only one way to end this stife




Submitted on 2006-01-27 21:43:22     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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Comments


  I think it is sad that the majority of people at our school feel the same way. We are all depressed. I don't understand what you are talking about in the second stanza, and I think it sounds a little cliché the light at the end of the tunnel. But I am being too critical, you did a good job, and I've been there. Blood is a curious thing. Keep writing Tabb.
| Posted on 2006-03-27 00:00:00 | by Kalis | [ Reply to This ]
  The first stanza doesn't fit the with the second two. My suggestion would be either changing the first one, which is really good, or editing the second two. Something like:

beatings go on, no one puts up a fight
light, at the end of the tunnel
i see it curling like a funnel

if i leave now they'll forget with no regrets
i have the knife
theres only one way to end this stife

But, it's just a suggestion.
| Posted on 2006-01-28 00:00:00 | by darkened_soul | [ Reply to This ]
  This is an overall great write and I understand where you are coming from. I've never really thought about what you were talking about in the last stanza..but close to it. Hope you're doing well, though.
| Posted on 2006-01-27 00:00:00 | by Raindrops | [ Reply to This ]
  Wow, this is some strong poetry. I liked it. I know what you mean about this stanza...

I want to leave
to be where things are free
and no one tells me who to be

I can relate to it a lot. I can relate to most of this short little poem. I've thought about stuff like that in the last stanza, but I'll never do it...and I really wouldn't if I were you. Anyway, great write.
| Posted on 2006-01-27 00:00:00 | by Toxic_Rayne | [ Reply to This ]


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