Depressed want out.

Author: Tabbie Kat ASL Info:    16/female/middleofnowhere Elite Ratio:    2.68 - 37 /19 /5 Words: 71

Class/Type: Poetry /Depressed Total Views: 1750 Average Vote:    No vote yet. Bytes: 398

Description:

---

Depressed want out.

---

I want to leave to be where things are free and no one tells me who to be beatings go on but no one stops to put up a fight theres a light at the end of the tunnel i see it curling like a funnel if i leave now they'll forget they'll be no regrets i have the knife theres only one way to end this stife

Submitted on 2006-01-27 21:43:22     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
Edit post

Rate This Submission

1: >_< 2: I dunno... 3: meh! 4: Pretty cool 5: Wow!

Comments

I think it is sad that the majority of people at our school feel the same way. We are all depressed. I don't understand what you are talking about in the second stanza, and I think it sounds a little cliché the light at the end of the tunnel. But I am being too critical, you did a good job, and I've been there. Blood is a curious thing. Keep writing Tabb.

| Posted on 2006-03-27 00:00:00 | by Kalis | [ Reply to This ]

The first stanza doesn't fit the with the second two. My suggestion would be either changing the first one, which is really good, or editing the second two. Something like: beatings go on, no one puts up a fight light, at the end of the tunnel i see it curling like a funnel if i leave now they'll forget with no regrets i have the knife theres only one way to end this stife But, it's just a suggestion.

| Posted on 2006-01-28 00:00:00 | by darkened_soul | [ Reply to This ]

This is an overall great write and I understand where you are coming from. I've never really thought about what you were talking about in the last stanza..but close to it. Hope you're doing well, though.

| Posted on 2006-01-27 00:00:00 | by Raindrops | [ Reply to This ]

Wow, this is some strong poetry. I liked it. I know what you mean about this stanza... I want to leave to be where things are free and no one tells me who to be I can relate to it a lot. I can relate to most of this short little poem. I've thought about stuff like that in the last stanza, but I'll never do it...and I really wouldn't if I were you. Anyway, great write.

| Posted on 2006-01-27 00:00:00 | by Toxic_Rayne | [ Reply to This ]

Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

1. Be honest. 2. Try not to give only compliments. 3. How did it make you feel? 4. Why did it make you feel that way? 5. Which parts? 6. What distracted from the piece?

7. What was unclear? 8. What does it remind you of? 9. How could it be improved? 10. What would you have done differently? 11. What was your interpretation of it? 12. Does it feel original?

89136