I learned to keep quite, finally,
After a long, long while.
so that no one can hurt me, silently,
with toil and trouble and guile.
It took some doing, to become this way,
Much too much for me.
Too hard a decision, being pointed, I say,
Forget me, let me be.
So came the day, in the Ides of June,
of the year two-thousand and five.
And so silent I became, under that full moon,
That was the day I died.
| Nice poem. Very good ending, the last verse is phenomenal, though it is a bit cliché, it is just perfect, powerful, as someone has already commented. It succeeds to transmit the feeling.|
I hope the first verse has a small mistake "quite" instead of "quiet", otherwise I got it all wrong
|| Posted on 2006-06-18 00:00:00 | by Rocky Raccoon | [ Reply to This ] || I enjoyed this. It is very moving.|
The darkness of it creeps in like the lengthening shadows from a setting sun.
It is an insight into both the progression and impact of death by depression.
|| Posted on 2006-02-04 00:00:00 | by beatthedrum | [ Reply to This ] || Your poem blew me away. It was beautiful and sad at the same time. I really liked it. Keep writing! It gave me shivers|
|| Posted on 2006-01-28 00:00:00 | by inkpen | [ Reply to This ] || S2L2 - the repitition of 'much' sounds akward|
Other than that, this is awesome. I like the way you said the date. I've seen people write '6/10/2005' or 'June 10, 2005', but that's not poetic. The way you say it is. Great job.
|| Posted on 2006-01-28 00:00:00 | by HaldirLives | [ Reply to This ] || You need a million hugs right now, dear. Your depression makes beauty, and sadness, I can feel.|
I do wish there was more I could do, though, because... Life's a huge [censored] to you. It needs to stop punching you in the stomach.
|| Posted on 2006-01-27 00:00:00 | by racconeyes | [ Reply to This ] || I loved it! I'm soo happy you wrote that! That was a really good ending! I love it sooooo much!!! Awesome!|
|| Posted on 2006-01-27 00:00:00 | by Pabapfc | [ Reply to This ] || Wow, this is so Poeish... I love it! There is nothing I could say to change it. Just right the way it is! Glad to have such talent on Elite Skills!|
|| Posted on 2006-01-27 00:00:00 | by Indigo Kid | [ Reply to This ] || Wow, powerful poem, powerful ending. I loved this one a lot. I'm adding it to my favorites' list that way I can look back on it. It was a good subject, not an original one, but it doesn't matter, lol.||| Posted on 2006-01-27 00:00:00 | by Toxic_Rayne | [ Reply to This ] |