Description: This is a story of an angel who begins to grow dark after he loses his love. He longs to feel emotion, Including pain. He cant feel anything withought the light of his lover.
In a dark room without you -------------------------------------------
In a dark room without you
I sit here all alone
I feel the darkness growing
No light except my own
Looking into the distance
I swear I see your face
My vision only sees one color
More blackness to embrace
A single tear caresses me
My heart implodes with emptiness
Your love is the light I long for
Till then I sit here in loneliness
The only love I feel
Is from the dark surrounding
It touches my soul enticing me
Because of this my head is pounding
My light that shines so brightly
Is beginning to fade away
I only hear whispers
Attempting to persuade
Should I give in to this evil
Or await your glorious light
Should I let the dark consume me
Or fight the will of night
The wings on my back
Are already gray
I lost your love
So now I must pay
Pay for the times
That I yelled and I screamed
I scared you, im sorry
It was more than it seemed
Now I sit here
My wings hold me tightly
Remind me of your warmth
Cant forget your love even slightly
Sadness consumes
The dark fills my soul
I am now a grim angel
And my heart is now a hole
Should I try to retrieve it
Your love and my life
Will I ever feel the light of your smile
Or the sting of your knife
For now I walk in this dark oasis
On my journey to find a non-existent light
The sound of your heart begins guide me
Followed by the sound of my flight
wow, this one touched me, it touched me, man u cant actually think how much it did, just the title, the title made me want to read it, i felt the emotions, and man im sorry for you, and wrinting is a good way to express ourselves isnt it? yah, thats the reason i write, ussually i say stupid funny things as a comment but man, this one touched me, it touched me so hard i had my jaw open, and i almost felll off of my chair, u had a great flow, and you went into the feelings, and man, like i said if ur title wouldnt of been that i wouldnt of read it, but i did cause the title touched me, i felt the emotion just with the title, and this is a fav, I was looking in the list of newest poems, and for yours i had to go kinda far, but i dont regret it, cause you know what dude, it touched me, and i felt it, a clear view of what you felt, and man, if you write another like this one tell me, i wanna be the first one to read it, it amazed me, and man I think that its one of the best i read today, and i read a lot, and i know what you feel, cause i went through that, and im sorry for you, and terribly really sad for you, but life has to go on, and try to perceive through life, and tell me how it goes, i wanna know, and tell me when ur gonna write a new poem, and like i said before the title made me feel the pain, and that empressed me, its so good, man its one of my personal favs now, and go on, and write, you little writer, because i know that if you wouldn't of written this, u wouldnt feel as good, as now, cause when we write we feel better, its like that in my case, and in urs also. my fav part was the begginging:
In a dark room without you I sit here all alone I feel the darkness growing No light except my own
man, just with that i could feel the pain, and only that would of still made a great poem, but the rest you added, made me visualise what you saw, and ur point of view. man i had to go through something like this before, when my ex gf dumped me, i was sad, i wanted her, i wanted only her, nothing else, she was what I cared for, I would of sacraficed myself for her, but today I found another gf, and my life is much better, I love her, she loves me, and i thought it was the end of my life, before i met her, and now i am happy, so theres always an exit somewhere, even if its hidden, its there, so go take it, man, and LIVE, LIVE FREELY! no commas and that also is good, cause me b4 i put too much, but now i know to only put them as an and, cause or else there was one at the end of every stanza. improvement needed isnt in the piece, its in you improve ur life style, and be happy,... you know the song: don't worry, be happy,............. do like they say be happy and dont worry everything will be better after, later ull be happy, and ull say that this thing was only a pass, and that it went away, and then u were happy, I wouldnt change a thing, its a chef-d'oeuvre. It was original, u used good words, and it was totally amazing, and I hope that ur writing style wont change, cause its so good, i dont see any things to change, so like i said be happy, dont worry, and tell me how you feel later, and when u write ur next poem, i wanna read it, but by then, I'll let you go, and I hope that ur life will improve, so cya have a nice time, and try to have fun!!!
This was extremely sad and again,as I've noticed with most of your work, beautiful at the same time...you really have alot of talent and it's a nice change from alot of the writers here. THis was deep and you do write well about your emotion, it lingers in your words and paints a photo you can't get out of your mind. I liked the angel concept and as I said your imagry was admired but for some reason the line with the knife just didn't fit right as I was reading it...maybe that's just me tho? peace
Quite deep emotion I see... absolutly beautiful and yet so depressing and brings a bit of sadness to the reader. I did notice that it has a bit of romance portrayed in it.... I loved this.... it also has beautiful flow to it and a small rhyme. Great Job :D
You can still find your light You can still stay on the right path Don't let the darkness overwhelm you Or the emptiness grow too vast Rage against the river's current Don't let your emotions sweep you under Fight to stay alive Don't let this loss tear you asunder...
this is a sad story. i like the romance included, and it shows a good example of temptation and uncertainty and the pain of lost love. i loved the imagery and flow. however, some things in here didn't fit the image of an angel. first of all, angels don't yell, scream, or scare. i can understand the line with the knife because by that point he was practically consumed by the dark and she may have to destroy what he has become. *barbie*
This is a deep write I liked this write but found it very hard to picture an angel with wings away from the Light The Light is always in everyones life we just have to find it and when we cant we draw on the mind to show us the Light that has saved us before so it may carry us once again over any and all obstacles God Bless Ron
Please if you have a chance please take a look at some of my writes and let me know what you think Thank You Ron
This was nice. I like the fact he feels lost without the girl and pines after her. Girls just love that. lol. Anyways, this poem was deep and one of love lost do to his wrong doing of her I gather. I was thrown off by the line with the knife...somehow it did not fit to me. But I did like your imagery and flow. And thought this was a nice look at angels with a broken heart. Good write.
Submission Name: In a dark room without you
