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    dots Submission Name: ghost, meadow, flutedots

    Author: 2bheard
    ASL Info:    18/F
    Elite Ratio:    4.52 - 10/10/10
    Words: 202
    Class/Type: Poetry/
    Total Views: 819
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1466

       Just comment on whatever, structure, meaning, I wrote this about what it is like to be alone, and ghosts are wandering souls without homes, so I figured this would be the perfect topic. Enjoy,
    pax vobiscum <3

    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsghost, meadow, flutedots

    She shines like the sun,
    Her beauty unseen-
    Except at midnight,
    When she lies in the green.

    The meadow grass sparkles;
    The ponds and the streams.
    And the girl, all alone,
    Beautifully screams.

    Her screams are not wretched-
    Nor foul or loud-
    Instead, they are placid,
    And float like a cloud.

    She lays by the pond,
    And sings to the trees-
    No- not sings, but instead
    Melodically screams.

    Her beauty enchanting,
    Eyes wide and astute,
    She stops her calm screaming
    And pulls out her flute.

    Her lips grace the piece,
    The whole meadow is silent.
    The song is so soothing;
    But the ending, so violent!

    This song has much meaning,
    It tells of her death:
    This beautiful ghost
    Enjoyed not her last breath.

    She picked up an orchid,
    And sniffed at its bloom.
    "My lover had offered;
    The poison consumed"

    Tears swept her cheek,
    Rolled 'cross her pale skin.
    She got up to leave
    As she held up her chin.

    Her flowing white dress
    Grazes the grass,
    She treads oh so lightly
    With riveting class.

    Now betrothed to the meadow,
    And all creatures within,
    She plays on her flute
    When midnight begins.

    Submitted on 2006-01-28 12:42:37     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!

    ||| Comments |||
      Your rhythms rocked me along all the way - till the second from last word! ;)

    Maybe "begins" instead of "dost begin".

    The only other line that I had a problem with (grammaticly rather than rhythm) is "The meadow it sparkles;". If you were inclined (again, I don't think this is a must), you could replace "it" with "dew" or "grass".

    | Posted on 2006-01-28 00:00:00 | by FrankBlissett | [ Reply to This ]

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