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    dots Submission Name: Secret Agentdots

    Author: beatthedrum
    ASL Info:    55- F - Southern CA USA
    Elite Ratio:    4.18 - 881/810/122
    Words: 170
    Class/Type: Poetry/Misc
    Total Views: 1077
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1202


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsSecret Agentdots

    There is not much time
    so I must say this quickly.
    I have been conscripted
    for an intelligence mission.
    I am going under covers
    in the dark city of dreams.

    My briefing says:
    "We fear forces are
    seeking to seize control.
    Early reports indicate
    they are stockpiling
    caches of passion.
    If left unchecked
    the pile will grow,
    and explode
    in an episode
    of world peace.
    The fallout could
    disrupt all life
    as we know it.
    The mundane might
    never be the same

    Thus, my
    must do mission:
    I am to infiltrate
    the secret circle,
    return information.
    and if I can,
    the pending plans
    and motivations.
    I'll be a clandestine
    data collector
    and disguised
    goal miner.

    Please be ready to
    receive and review
    current reports.
    I'll be sending them
    cloaked within
    poems and coded
    in cryptic verses.

    Submitted on 2006-01-28 13:30:24     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!

    ||| Comments |||
      To me this work falls under the ironic bed frames it was meant to examine. And that is just a start of the work. More than that I cannot say, I too have been sworn to secrecy.
    *dons an impish grin*

    Very clever, I just meandered over too see what you've been up to, hehe this one is lots of fun. Did you get it from a James Bond movie? And was he actually briefed or debriefed? that's always been my question.

    | Posted on 2006-02-03 00:00:00 | by nansofast | [ Reply to This ]
      This is excellent.
    Very original, and refreshing.
    I don't think anything should be added toor taken away from this piece.
    Nothing but praise and a FAV for this one.

    | Posted on 2006-01-31 00:00:00 | by nicelyJ | [ Reply to This ]
      Hmm, well, I see where you are going. It cannot be mistaken this way, but...

    My directive says,
    "We fear forces are
    seeking to seize control.
    Early reports indicate
    they are stockpiling
    caches of passion..."

    You might want to use quotes if you keep it this way.

    Why not simply (always a good way to go, that simply)

    The company* fears forces are
    seeking to seize control.
    Early reports indicate
    they are stockpiling
    caches of passion.

    * or "my company" or "our outfit" etc

    Also when you speak of destroying life as we know it, you might want to think on a very good adjective, or string of adjectives for that life, just to drive the irony home.
    ...might disrupt this iron shackled day to day we call a life?
    I'm sure you get it, how would you say it?
    Ta ta for now.
    | Posted on 2006-01-29 00:00:00 | by Sandburg | [ Reply to This ]
      Interesting tack on an important subject.
    I don't care for starting S2 with "we". Remember your teacher asking if you had a mouse in your pocket?
    Now you are speaking of an nameless group, "there may be those..." "they have stockpiled..." then you switch to "it" Too impersonal for me. Go with "these" It will fit, it will smooth the line.
    On a more subjective line, I'd eliminate a few of the conjunctions, (and) just let the line unfold, like this one just did.

    The line, "going undercovers in the dark city of dreams" was fabulous. It really keeps the reader hungry for the rest.

    Nice to read you again,
    | Posted on 2006-01-29 00:00:00 | by Sandburg | [ Reply to This ]
      Chrystine, this made me think of being a spy! This was innovative and well written. I liked your approach on this as a spy. What a treat to read. I liked the way you even used lingo of a spy to make it seem like you were on a mission. Great job.

    | Posted on 2006-01-29 00:00:00 | by Magnolia Steele | [ Reply to This ]
      Zooooo...zeecret agee-ant! Vee meet again...whooo-hooo-haaa-haaaaa!

    I liked this one Chrystine! It gave me a sense of urgency and I felt all anxious and what not, Hee-hee!

    Very creative write. Thanks!
    | Posted on 2006-01-28 00:00:00 | by hyproglo | [ Reply to This ]
      Amazing! This poem rocks, it's all, sneaky, and worded wonderfully with great vocabulary. I enjoyed this piece very much, the last verse was dissapointing though, I didn't like the alliteration... but then, that was just me. It seemed to end too quick... But the other verses are amazing! All, someone telling another about what they're gonna do, before they go off to fearlessly do it yo. Great piece, just might be a favourite... Peace. -rue
    | Posted on 2006-01-28 00:00:00 | by Rue | [ Reply to This ]
      This is a very good poem you have here. A very original theme and I gotta say I just loved the ending to this one. It put a smile on my face! And as I read this I couldnt help but think of inspector gadget and I was waiting for the poem to self destruct in 60 seconds! haha! This is very well written and expressed and is different from what I have been reading lately. I like that a lot! And your phrases that you have cleverly twisted are also good such as

    I am going under covers
    in the dark city of dreams.

    I think that is my favorite. The poem reads with an intensity as if you were really in hurry and must send this very important message right away! I enjoyed this very much. Nice work. Take care. I will await your reports! hee hee!

    | Posted on 2006-01-28 00:00:00 | by lmz | [ Reply to This ]

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