There is not much time
so I must say this quickly.
I have been conscripted
for an intelligence mission.
I am going under covers
in the dark city of dreams.
My briefing says: "We fear forces are
seeking to seize control.
Early reports indicate
they are stockpiling
caches of passion.
If left unchecked
the pile will grow,
in an episode
of world peace.
The fallout could
disrupt all life
as we know it.
The mundane might
never be the same
must do mission:
I am to infiltrate
the secret circle,
and if I can,
the pending plans
I'll be a clandestine
Please be ready to
receive and review
I'll be sending them
poems and coded
in cryptic verses.
To me this work falls under the ironic bed frames it was meant to examine. And that is just a start of the work. More than that I cannot say, I too have been sworn to secrecy. *dons an impish grin*
Very clever, I just meandered over too see what you've been up to, hehe this one is lots of fun. Did you get it from a James Bond movie? And was he actually briefed or debriefed? that's always been my question.
Hmm, well, I see where you are going. It cannot be mistaken this way, but...
My directive says, "We fear forces are seeking to seize control. Early reports indicate they are stockpiling caches of passion..."
You might want to use quotes if you keep it this way.
Why not simply (always a good way to go, that simply)
The company* fears forces are seeking to seize control. Early reports indicate they are stockpiling caches of passion.
* or "my company" or "our outfit" etc
Also when you speak of destroying life as we know it, you might want to think on a very good adjective, or string of adjectives for that life, just to drive the irony home. ...might disrupt this iron shackled day to day we call a life? I'm sure you get it, how would you say it? Ta ta for now. D.
Interesting tack on an important subject. I don't care for starting S2 with "we". Remember your teacher asking if you had a mouse in your pocket? Now you are speaking of an nameless group, "there may be those..." "they have stockpiled..." then you switch to "it" Too impersonal for me. Go with "these" It will fit, it will smooth the line. On a more subjective line, I'd eliminate a few of the conjunctions, (and) just let the line unfold, like this one just did.
The line, "going undercovers in the dark city of dreams" was fabulous. It really keeps the reader hungry for the rest.
Chrystine, this made me think of being a spy! This was innovative and well written. I liked your approach on this as a spy. What a treat to read. I liked the way you even used lingo of a spy to make it seem like you were on a mission. Great job.
Amazing! This poem rocks, it's all, sneaky, and worded wonderfully with great vocabulary. I enjoyed this piece very much, the last verse was dissapointing though, I didn't like the alliteration... but then, that was just me. It seemed to end too quick... But the other verses are amazing! All, someone telling another about what they're gonna do, before they go off to fearlessly do it yo. Great piece, just might be a favourite... Peace. -rue
This is a very good poem you have here. A very original theme and I gotta say I just loved the ending to this one. It put a smile on my face! And as I read this I couldnt help but think of inspector gadget and I was waiting for the poem to self destruct in 60 seconds! haha! This is very well written and expressed and is different from what I have been reading lately. I like that a lot! And your phrases that you have cleverly twisted are also good such as
I am going under covers in the dark city of dreams.
I think that is my favorite. The poem reads with an intensity as if you were really in hurry and must send this very important message right away! I enjoyed this very much. Nice work. Take care. I will await your reports! hee hee!