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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Broken Hourglassdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: Little_Woman
    ASL Info:    20/Lady/History
    Elite Ratio:    6.16 - 36/25/3
    Words: 83
    Class/Type: Poetry/Misc
    Total Views: 843
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 586



    Description:
       My first poem so bare with me if you will please. Short and simple...just how I like it


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsBroken Hourglassdots
    -------------------------------------------


    Silence among the falling sand
    as they lay separate across my ocean's desert
    Shard's of glass beneathe my feet,
    soft like lily's petals

    No piercing of thy flesh
    as I walk the mirror water
    Reflection of my forgotten past
    bleeds a stream of liquid salt

    A desirous light in the fading sky
    burns the shards beneathe me
    The golden sand now so faint
    lies beside my broken hourglass

    Swallowed in celestial eternity
    as time ceases to exist.






    Submitted on 2006-01-28 13:36:03     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
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    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      Not only is this a deep poem, but it's written so beautifully. I read it again and just kept saying to myself 'That was so pretty'. lol. How time can stand still, just from one thing being broken...that is so true. I'm feeling that way as we speak. This was truly a great piece, I'm glad I stopped by to read it !

    *bunches of hugs*
    | Posted on 2006-01-31 00:00:00 | by SouthrnQT | [ Reply to This ]
      There was a lot of depth to this piece and I have to say that it was amazing for a first poem! Very impressive. I love the whole idea of the broken hourglass and how you seemed to be taking a journey while everything else around you was just frozen in time. Your imagery was amazing. Great job, I look forward to reading more of your work!

    Candi
    | Posted on 2006-01-31 00:00:00 | by dreamweaver | [ Reply to This ]
      This might be your first post, but not your first poem you penned, I'll bet on that.
    This is well done, and like others have mentioned it is filled with feeling, if its a trip or just a memory, it reveals a heart searching and reaching out for healing. Either from another lover or just a friend, your heart asks for someone to come to the rescue. To meet you on the ocean and restart time over again.
    That was my view, and I hope I did not ruin your message.
    Great job of reaching out.
    Later
    | Posted on 2006-01-31 00:00:00 | by Clayton | [ Reply to This ]
      You know something
    I found this poem incredible
    Where did you get the idea of a human life being like an hourglass
    That my friend was an absolutely perfect visual
    I really commend you on this write
    Very well written
    I look forward to reading more of your writes
    God Bless
    Your Friend
    Ron
    | Posted on 2006-01-30 00:00:00 | by Ronswords | [ Reply to This ]
      I'm really impressed for a first write, helpful advice possibly make it longer and maybe you should choose a ryhme scheme, just to make it more fluid. but there was some amazing imagry and wording in this one. I loved the title and the "broken hourglass' concept...this was overall an awesome write! welcome to ES.
    peace
    | Posted on 2006-01-29 00:00:00 | by silent_death12 | [ Reply to This ]
      I am impressed with your work! Wow, I am blown away with your imagery and your use of words. I get the feeling this person had a bad spell in life, and it felt like time ran out and was destroyed, hurting this person, till there was a saving grace that freezed time and save the day. That is how I see it. Great job.

    Maggie
    | Posted on 2006-01-29 00:00:00 | by Magnolia Steele | [ Reply to This ]
      Hello,

    In this piece I think right away it is about the broken hourglass, the one that is described in stanza 3 line 4 however not always in the literal sense, still it does go outward not just a visual on a broken hourglass but its relationship and the character’s relationship to the surrounding environment.

    st1: The silence among the falling sand as well as the broken hourglass portrays for me the stillness of time. if the container is upright and not broken the sands would fall into the lower part of the hourglass. To freeze this and affix it to something that is broken means to me a spiritual stagnation, difficulty or a majestic event. That is only if you view the both spheres of the hourglass as being the upper celestial and the lower terrestrial. Its narrow passage in the middle would be the transition of time and could be as well the being in metamorphosis. That is the main reason why I thought of stagnation in the first place. But is could always be a freeing as well if one views the confines of time being a prison. The ocean’s desert (“desert” not “dessert”) well what does the ocean mean to me in this context? I would say my usual answer of the subconscious though common it does cover a wide array of circumstances. Sands commonly represent something that is plentiful; there are many scriptural references to sands, it is an exaggerated form of expression. In here the reference is the sand they lay separate across the ocean floor. It may be an illustration of how many things have passed through in existence left lodged in the mind. There could be other meanings that are locked in there; that was my impression at this time. Now moving on the “shards glass beneath the feet” first I think it is “shards” not “shard’s” The glass under the feet this could be a reference to pain and in the next line a reference to purity via the “lily” one could almost get a hint of purification through pain. Another way of looking at it is that it might be an illustration is how the glass is being perceived supposing the glass downplayed into being flowers; this may be a test of one’s own tolerance to pain.

    st2: now there is no “piercing of flesh” and then the “as I walk on the mirror water” this may be walking over the broken container and it also may be a transport into another realm of thought. Line 3 the reflection of the past and the bleeding of liquid salt, this might be tears for if the flesh isn’t pierced from line 1 then I would most certainly think it were tears.

    st3: the light in the sky this does give it that heavenly feeling and then it burns the shards yet no mention of pain here by the person who is on those shards of glass. This might be a holy encounter and the feet might represent being faithful to something then again it all depends on how deep this write was intended to go. The sand being faith loses its importance to the brilliance perhaps those things that the sand represents are not of importance compared to what is going on at the time. “beneath” not “beneathe”

    In the end wraps it up beautifully being in celestial eternity where time no longer exists. I don’t think it could end better than that. Remarkable piece! You need to brush up a few things but it is awesome and very deep.

    ~mike
    | Posted on 2006-01-28 00:00:00 | by inspirit999 | [ Reply to This ]
      I like it a lot. Makes me think of a lost soul wandering in the desert without hope of reaching civilisation. There is still a upbeat tone to it, I think it's very impressive how you use happy imagery yet (I think) it is very eerie. My one suggestion would be to introduce a rhyming pattern but that is only me maybe you don't like rhymes, either way i think it's good!
    | Posted on 2006-01-28 00:00:00 | by irvine_valentin | [ Reply to This ]
      This is a good poem. I think you have expressed yourself well with your words and you have provided some nice imagery as well. I have a couple of corrections for you. First, I think you mean 'desert' like dry hot sandy desert, and not 'dessert' like YUM chocolate cake! haha! And I would suggest instead of saying "mirror water" I would say "mirrored water" with mirror being used as the adjective to describe the water. I do like the idea of the broken hourglass. It is a good way to describe time ceasing. Overall a good poem. Take care and welcome to Elite!

    Lorna
    | Posted on 2006-01-28 00:00:00 | by lmz | [ Reply to This ]


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