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    dots Submission Name: Eyes of Battle Skiesdots

    Author: Little_Woman
    ASL Info:    20/Lady/History
    Elite Ratio:    6.16 - 36/25/3
    Words: 180
    Class/Type: Poetry/Misc
    Total Views: 796
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1161

       Any words are welcomed.

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    dotsEyes of Battle Skiesdots

    Eyes of battle skies and burning blue
    stare softly within my beating heart.
    Compassionate rose red lips with a touch of forget-me-not
    tremble nor quiver no longer.

    Armor of fair silk smooth to my fingers
    not a prick or pierce I suffer.
    Yet, a bleeding sword you fiercly hold
    and a shield of anger i cannot fathom.

    Unhinge your your steels, let loose your gaurd
    I wish only to see you.
    To mend your forsaken heart
    and clear the many scars etched deeply within.

    The aroma of sweet nature's breath
    I inhale as I remove your blood-stained wardrobe.
    A knight I behold,
    your courage and valor I care not for.

    Allow me to caress your shiny pink cheeks
    glistening with tears of abandoment
    Let me whisper my words of sorrowful love
    onto your lips that still quiver.

    And if I shall fail and you will not blink
    I will sadly leave
    However, my soul may be broken in pieces
    but my heart will always be with thee.

    Submitted on 2006-01-28 15:14:15     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      This poem has a lot of depth and really got me thinking. I think this is very well written and expressed and the midevil times you have brought into this poem are refreshing. Not often to I read a poem related to this era, so it makes for good reading. To me, this reads more as a love poem than what you have it classified as misc. Perhaps you should change it to love? It reads to me as two lovers who have had quite the arguement and he is angry and she is sorry? I dont know, I could be wrong but that is the interpretation that I made here. Her love for him is undying and she only wants to return to the happier times. I like it. A very nice poem. Sorry if I messed up the meaning here, but I like the meaning I got out of it. Take care.

    | Posted on 2006-01-31 00:00:00 | by lmz | [ Reply to This ]
      Unhinge your your steels, let loose your gaurd
    I wish only to see you.
    To mend your forsaken heart
    and clear the many scars etched deeply within.

    That would be my favorite part of your poem. It's a nice poem about true love that will never end no matter what comes to pass. Very nice!

    | Posted on 2006-01-31 00:00:00 | by dreamweaver | [ Reply to This ]
      The title sucked me right in, and that's definitely it's purpose.

    If it were me, I'd refrain from using a line from the actual poem for the title, however. The title is your opportunity to add clarification, set mood, or "OTHER".

    I'm into the historical use, and bravo for that.


    | Posted on 2006-01-29 00:00:00 | by Cigarz | [ Reply to This ]
      This is a true poem of deep undying Love
    This write is extremely emotional and you very easily express true Love
    Something that is not as easy as it sounds
    I enjoyed reading this
    I look forward to more writes from you in the future
    God Bless
    | Posted on 2006-01-29 00:00:00 | by Ronswords | [ Reply to This ]
      It was like a step back into Medevil times. Quite delightful and refreshing. I loved it! It had all the dramatics of a play or a Arthurian poem. I liked your word chose for this one. It seems like your knight is dying and your are speaking words of love to him before he could die. That's just my take on it. I got a wild imagination! lol. Great job.

    | Posted on 2006-01-29 00:00:00 | by Magnolia Steele | [ Reply to This ]
      i liked this. it didn't really conjer up much emotion from me, but it sounds beautiful, which is a credit to your style. and i honestly can't really find anything to complain about. it sounds beautiful and i think you tell your story well...the title is pretty catchy too...

    | Posted on 2006-01-28 00:00:00 | by art_is_hard | [ Reply to This ]
      honestly.. heres' my 2cents: this is not the best poem ive read so far. u used a few different techniques that seemed to clash. for example:using capital/lowcase "i"s.. "you/thee" variation. it seemed like a present-day renissance poem. its not a bad poem, but you could choose better adjectives and metephors. perhaps consider rhyming to capture more interest. u have a good idea, it just needs work.
    | Posted on 2006-01-28 00:00:00 | by vohomegirl | [ Reply to This ]
      The knight line really stuck with me, after studying Chaucer and learning about their codes of conduct etc I feel that your persona realises that this means nothing to her and that there is nothing else that she would want. "Your courage and valor I care not for" Is a really powerful line for me, like I said it has a lot of personal significance to me and you seem to tune into the depths of the readers psyche.
    | Posted on 2006-01-28 00:00:00 | by irvine_valentin | [ Reply to This ]

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