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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: PUKE YOUR SERMONdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: screams
    Elite Ratio:    5.96 - 433/386/92
    Words: 312
    Class/Type: Poetry/Depressed
    Total Views: 284
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 2111



    Description:
       (fellow squids unite
    puke your sermon
    it’ll take one soul at a time
    and the opportunities are endless)


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsPUKE YOUR SERMONdots
    -------------------------------------------












    Keep him on his path?
    You are his path
    A straight line of asphalt
    born to love
    and he arrived hardwired
    plunged in profound contemplation
    No hands interfere
    with the way that his nerves end

    this is a strange story
    a very strange life you’re in

    Another friend of mine,
    Mark says,
    ”If the world is plastic
    then we can change it-
    But we must burn it first before we weld it”
    Human beings with human dramas
    melt into deep puddles
    And we splash and play
    in these pools of destruction
    like two ecstatic children

    It took everything we had
    to gain absolutely nothing

    And what else did he say?
    something like:
    ”When we’re insane
    it's a long way down
    but we can reach great heights too”
    But I can't figure out
    if I am low or high
    as I roll along this wave with you.

    Everything happens the way
    that it happens
    the way its supposed to




    _______________________________________

    She’s clawing the air as if she never held on to anything
    and her claw marks are black contrails in the sky
    that weep down eventually

    acid rain, hail mary



    we are losing you... we are losing you


    her eyes roll back into gray no-matter

    ...they have never seen love....

    she’s clawing the sky
    after three hours of reaffirmation
    she takes two bong rips of positive attitude
    she is running on scheduled task, she got a real job


    she is changin the world
    one frivolity at a time
    scrubbing mold off the pebbles in her fish bowl


    its in these little things that we find hope

    she found peace in her delusions





    Submitted on 2006-01-28 17:47:12     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      This was an awesom poem. I think it was an anti religious poem, which I'm into reading. I loved the wording. Keep up the good work.
    | Posted on 2006-02-03 00:00:00 | by BitterSweetSoul | [ Reply to This ]
      I really like this poem. Plain and simple. You set up the image and your beliefs are the undertones of what you create

    I want to ask you, is this a sort of anti religious poem, because i want it to be. I see the stupidity of blind faith (i hope i have not insulted you) and really find it difficult to articulate into poems, but you just did a very good job.

    I always thought of those people who collapse at the touch of the priest as the biggest fools...but hey people sometimes need religion to be able to make it through another day. I understand the value and stupidity of religion all at the same time.

    Anyhoo, thank you for creating a throught provoking poem...we need more of those.

    Shahdin
    | Posted on 2006-01-28 00:00:00 | by Shahdin | [ Reply to This ]
      Screamsie,

    Did she really find peace in her delusions? I find this and interesting note that ended on.

    Seems to me like in this piece all the delusions are crumbling around her.

    she is changin the world
    one frivolity at a time
    scrubbing mold off the pebbles in her fish bowl

    That was a really nice stanza. What better place to start than the bottom of our own fish bowl. But is everything so poiniantly pointless? I know you are being facetious here but i reject your attack on the banality of simple toil. I for one feel pretty good when i clean my room (yeah it's an acheivement) and it really comes down to doing things one step at a time. This is how great things are acheived, not by being overwhelmed by it all and being reduced to clawing at the sky.

    I probably give you too little credit though and am ranting at you while you curse me for not reading between the lines. My only excuse is that i am coming off an absinthe binge.

    Really though, my favourite line is:

    her eyes roll back into gray no-matter


    such a wonderful little word play and it's such a subtle little jibe it that gave me a chuckle.

    I didn't much care for the "we are losing you" bit. I thought 'are we losing her?' might have worked slightly better, keeping the frame of reference consistent and also not spelling things out so much.

    Anyway, i realise that i'm losing the ability to concentrate right now, so before i really start to blather...

    Abzy
    | Posted on 2006-01-28 00:00:00 | by Abzy | [ Reply to This ]
      People are most free when they have fuck all... that's what I think... materialism bogs us down in traditions and restraints and a 'Mary, what will we have for supper this Monday? Fish again? Oh my, how exciting' frame of mind. Which blows big monkey turds in my opinion lol.

    What are 'contrails'? Did you mean 'entrails' or is that a word I'm not familiar with?

    she’s clawing the sky
    after three hours of reaffirmation
    she took three bong rips of positive attitude
    she is running on scheduled task
    she got a real job


    This stanza makes me think it is directly related to you... I dunno if you smoke that ganja stuff but it's an original phrase nonetheless, and quite an entertaining image for some reason. Tasks and jobs and mundane realities of life - this is what I was alluding to in the first paragraph of this comment of mine... and how it makes me think you're not a happy camper with your situation right now.

    Scrubbing mold off pebbles - now that's depressing... you've moved recently haven't you? Life not treating you well? Or it seems like you feel like a non-conformist that needs to conform and grow up and become just another hard-working tax-paying slave. How fun. That depresses me too you know.

    Not much of a comment, just an observation...
    Peace,

    Jase
    | Posted on 2006-01-28 00:00:00 | by alteredlife | [ Reply to This ]


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