[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav

  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav

    << | >>

    dots Submission Name: Snow Angel on a Snow Beachdots

    Author: ConScribe
    ASL Info:    19/M/Tucson,AZ
    Elite Ratio:    5.11 - 262/360/143
    Words: 96
    Class/Type: Poetry/Nature
    Total Views: 992
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 550


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsSnow Angel on a Snow Beachdots

    The tide flows, flying in.

    With its push comes a blend of snowflakes and sand
    Becoming one with the crest of a wave in heaven,
    First to polish the sky's virgin coat
    As it sweeps gently over the feet of an angel.

    With its pull comes the melting of the legend,
    The myth that no two snowflakes hold symmetry,
    Until, of course, they thaw back to their base,
    Seeping into the sand as an angel slips into the sea.

    The tide flows, flying out.

    Submitted on 2006-01-28 18:40:42     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!

    ||| Comments |||
      I enjoy reading anything to do with nature. This was well structured and the descriptive words you used were first class.

    | Posted on 2006-01-29 00:00:00 | by Frank Maguire | [ Reply to This ]
      Great image! The sea washing away a snow angel. Is there a mataphor hidden here? What do the sea and angel represent? (Tears and love?) If not, it's still a great image.


    "The tide flows, flying in" Does this mean a rapid tide change? Suggest you might try "The flying tide flows in"

    S!-L1 I would drop the word "comes". L2 I would change "in" to "from". L3-L4 Contradiction: If a snow angel exists then the snowfall is no longer "vitgin" and the tide is not "first". Suggest changing L3 to "Reaching to polish the sky's fallen coat" or something like that.

    S2-L1 Again, drop "comes", and change "the" to "a".

    That's all that I could suggest. It is a great image and I think you could build on it, revealing the causes of the snow angel's creation and demise. Loved the bit about the snowflakes returning to their natural state and becoming part of the sea. As if a lover realizes that it's a mighty big ocean.

    Good poem, very clever creation of an interesting image. Well done!

    | Posted on 2006-01-29 00:00:00 | by phil askew | [ Reply to This ]
      What you've presented to me is this image: the tide washing in with snowflakes and sand... there is snow on the beach already... and a snow angel you have made... with water tickling its feet.

    In your second stanza you get metaphorical... a snowflake's unique symmetry melts to be part of the sea, part of the cycle of water again. I've never seen snow on the beach - it must be a pleasant scene... at least, it is in my mind.

    The intro and outro singular lines were effective bookends to this poem... the four line stanzas looked visually appealing and you wrote this with clarity and brevity.

    Very nice.

    | Posted on 2006-01-28 00:00:00 | by alteredlife | [ Reply to This ]
      that was lovely, though i do not know if the angel is supposed to symbolize something? ..the wind? ..im not sure.. it all sounds so pretty, that was a really good write
    | Posted on 2006-01-28 00:00:00 | by thehappyfaery | [ Reply to This ]

    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?


    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.




    User Name:


    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]

    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]

    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]