Description: I wrote it like if it was a little child song...even if the subject has nothing to do a a child song lol
Dumb we are -------------------------------------------
Dumb we are
And dumber we become
We get lost
Like letters in the post
We keep faith
When our brains are on the break
Stupid words
Can’t explain what is worse
Follow the lead
Check what you eat
Go get some sleep
Work like a sheep
Follow your dreams
Try to be clean
Bless to the god
That god we trust
Run like hell
When someone rings the bell
Men are hot
When women are on the spot
Dance a bit
To learn a simple trick
Have some fun
With good beer on the run
Follow the chick
Hit with the stick
Free the magic
Get back home quick
Say hi to kids
Look what they did
Mom is okay
A perfect day
To me, this would be more of a satire then a comedy, I'm sorry but I don't see the humour in this piece. To me it's sad. I could see how it could work as a song with a child-like melody though. In fact I came up with my own as I read it. Keep Writing -Caribou-
Cool poem! It sounds like rap in some parts cause the rhythm is very good and the rhyming is perfect! There's only one part that it doesn't fit to me, it's when you say "work like a sheep". I know that sheep rhymes with sleep, but sheep don't really work, they just eat grass and that's all. Maybe if you can find a substitute word for it. But it's ok, too, cause it works as a metaphor. :) The poem really cheered me up cause it's very positive, and I like that energy. I like the style too.
This is sad really really sad How someone could live there life so routine is truly sad I know it is true to a lot of people in todays society to live like this but it to me truefully is sad God Bless Your Friend Ron
Please if you get a chance please take a look at some of my writes and let me know what you think Thank You Ron
to me ur poem reflects the "everyday-ness" of our lives. your rhyming scemes goes well in describing our daily routines of work & play being choppy & to the point. however, u could do without the first stanza, it doesn't set the mood very well with the rest of the poem.. thanx for sharing. later.
lol I liked this though for some reason the tune of barney mixed with "follow the leader" stuck in my head while reading it LMFAO. this was imaginative though I could picture the plot with a bunch of pre-schoolers learning such a song even though they couldn't relate and the teacher not realizing the pun. keep writing, !jess
Submission Name: Dumb we are
