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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: my realitydots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: sweet sorenity
    ASL Info:    24/f/ Ga
    Elite Ratio:    3.11 - 211/221/58
    Words: 176
    Class/Type: Misc/Misc
    Total Views: 789
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 986



    Description:
       


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsmy realitydots
    -------------------------------------------


    i v been crazy all along
    but now im so far gone
    just lie in the grass
    and wait for time to pass

    the moon is out in my head
    but the sun is shinning on the dead
    their is no breez in the middle of the winter
    i was playing by the pool and got a splinter

    children playing in the street
    the smell of innocence is ever so sweet
    ware did mine go to
    has it been erased with the thought of you

    people walking dogs in the hot sun
    its the middle of july in here
    but out side its pouring down
    i wish i were out their

    but when i look its nothing but yellow
    i can not mellow
    smoke a ciggeret to eas the stress
    but some how i burn my chest

    it dose not hurt not one bit
    but some how i cant handle this shit
    sleep my most prized possesion
    but that will not work not with this obsesson





    Submitted on 2006-01-29 14:37:04     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
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    ||| Comments |||
      children playing in the street
    the smell of innocence is ever so sweet

    these were my favorite lines. yeah. u've always been gone. i liked this one though. i think the part that i remember the most is when u burned ur chest smoking a cig. the fact that it didn't hurt didn't show that u were really tough or immune to the pain. but compared to what u've gone through, it is insignificant
    | Posted on 2006-02-01 00:00:00 | by unknown soldier | [ Reply to This ]
      "a person without spelling skills is not a poet"
    *john*
    you proved me wrong
    i really liked this write but as i mentioned before spellings are very important... if you don't want me to give you a long lecture on the importance of having correct spellings (which i have ready coz of my tearcher)
    how random am i??
    anyway
    the poem and the rhymes were out of this world
    keep it up
    continue writing
    thanks for sharing
    looking forward to reading more of your works
    john*
    | Posted on 2006-01-30 00:00:00 | by abuzzbuzz92 | [ Reply to This ]
      "a person without spelling skills is not a poet"
    *john*
    you proved me wrong
    i really liked this write but as i mentioned before spellings are very important... if you don't want me to give you a long lecture on the importance of having correct spellings (which i have ready coz of my tearcher)
    how random am i??
    anyway
    the poem and the rhymes were out of this world
    keep it up
    continue writing
    thanks for sharing
    looking forward to reading more of your works
    john*
    | Posted on 2006-01-30 00:00:00 | by abuzzbuzz92 | [ Reply to This ]
      I liked this writing. It just seemed to bring me in and make me envision going insane and how it would look from that person's eyes. It worked out really nicely.

    - Cary
    | Posted on 2006-01-29 00:00:00 | by The Alone | [ Reply to This ]
      i think the concept of the poem is a good idea but you have to watch your spelling their is there in the line"their is no breez in the middle of the winter" and i also think that maybe you should try writing it over with the last words not rhyming because i know i was focusing more on the way they rhymed together then the meaning of the poem and the words seemed forced at certain points and it sounds a little sing song
    | Posted on 2006-01-29 00:00:00 | by Lost My Love 4ever | [ Reply to This ]
      This was a cool piece of writing and I liked it a lot. You brought us into your world, a.k.a the tile "My Reality" lol. The title worked very well and and made the poem have more of a pazaz, I guess that's the right word to use for it. Good job.
    | Posted on 2006-01-29 00:00:00 | by Toxic_Rayne | [ Reply to This ]
      great and heroic work! i must commend ur effort 2 rhyme alternately or d AABB style... tho u had little typos here but the poem describes some1 going mad out of failure 2 get something or one who suffers an heartbreak...nevrtheless, when a work of this nature comes out, it breeds many meaning...good work all d same , appreciate ur efforts truly
    | Posted on 2006-01-29 00:00:00 | by realpassion | [ Reply to This ]


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