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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Sleeps Sweet Thronedots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: dmm
    ASL Info:    50/M/Minnesota
    Elite Ratio:    3.81 - 741/888/102
    Words: 113
    Class/Type: Poetry/Misc
    Total Views: 1221
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 764



    Description:
       


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsSleeps Sweet Thronedots
    -------------------------------------------


    Oh beast be calm that treads the paths
    twisting through my mind.
    Release me from your claws that grip,
    teeth like sharpened tine.
    Allow that I might look away from
    eyes that never close,
    Begone I beg and leave me to the world
    that I have chose.
    Lay still your roar that echoes, reaching
    deep within my bones.
    Set me free to soar untethered and dream
    on sleeps sweet throne.
    Why beckon me with past regrets, clad
    in 'should have beens',
    Or fantasies that cannot stand, construed
    of wheres and whens.
    Fly O wicked silhouette whose source
    lies out of sight,
    Leave me to my reveries, blissful somnolence
    this night.




    Submitted on 2006-01-29 15:27:07     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      Ohhh! I know this feeling all too well sometimes. Funny how the mind always wants to run in overdrive when you finally lay your head down on the pillow. So many things to think about and the quiet surroundings really allow the mind to focus right in on them. Insomnia is an awful thing and you never realize how long the night is until you cant sleep! I like how you wrote this one with an old world kinda english. You really sound like you are pleading throughout this poem which really adds a wonderful touch to the desperate desire to sleep and the frustration that one feels when they cant. Very good poem. Take care.

    Lorna
    | Posted on 2006-02-11 00:00:00 | by lmz | [ Reply to This ]
      Very nice piece. You've captured the feeling of insomnia very well.

    There are two minor grammatical flaws. I think you need an apostrophe is "sleep's sweet throne", both in the title and in the body. The other thing is I think you need a question mark at the end of the sentence that begins with "Why beckon me".

    This reads very smooth, but it doesn't appear as well as it could on the page because the line breaks are peculiar. I'm not sure if you chose to break the lines in odd places, or if you've left the lines too long to handle and the system has broken them for you. In either event I would break the lines in a more typical fashion to set up 8-5 and 8-6 sequences. Something like this:

    Oh beast be calm that treads the paths
    twisting through my mind.
    Release me from your claws that grip,
    teeth like sharpened tine.
    Allow that I might look away
    from eyes that never close,
    Begone I beg and leave me to
    the world that I have chose.
    Lay still your roar that echoes, reaching
    deep within my bones.
    Set me free to soar untethered and
    dream on sleep's sweet throne.
    Why beckon me with past regrets,
    clad in 'should have beens',
    Or fantasies that cannot stand,
    construed of wheres and whens?
    Fly O wicked silhouette whose
    source lies out of sight,
    Leave me to my reveries, blissful
    somnolence this night.


    Great piece,
    Steve
    | Posted on 2006-02-21 00:00:00 | by Lost Sheep | [ Reply to This ]
      Dan, I not sure of this meaning, but I loved the way this flowed off my lips. This had a perfect flow. I loved your chose of words and the almost fariytale feel of this. Please tell me the meaning of this poem. Great job.

    Maggie
    | Posted on 2006-02-05 00:00:00 | by Magnolia Steele | [ Reply to This ]
      I liked this one. It sort of reminds me about nightmares and how we wish they didnt spawn up at times when we dont want them...like when people are sleeping, ya know?
    I guess bad decisions and old regrets are nightmares too.

    Very fun to read ya ol' hippie! Good stuff!
    | Posted on 2006-01-30 00:00:00 | by hyproglo | [ Reply to This ]
      How wonderfully written! Love the classical, old-style feel to it. It reads so easily, yet has such deep emotion.. and the line-breaks are just perfect.
    I've felt these exact emotions at times of sleeplessness and "the beast treads the paths twisting through my mind".

    The last line, though I like it alot and definitely would keep, seemed a bit long and I had to slow down to read it. Maybe, too many syllables in the last few words?

    Just lovely.. You have a great way of writing.
    ~Sandra
    | Posted on 2006-01-30 00:00:00 | by Intricate1 | [ Reply to This ]
      Wonderful piece Dan,it scaptured the disire for sleep with a twist of fantasy and old world flavor that makes this piece so appealing bravo loved every line of it
    adnil
    | Posted on 2006-01-29 00:00:00 | by adnil | [ Reply to This ]
      a poem espousing fantasy. how cool! this is great Dan. sometimes I just to keep my fantasies in check, but really, it's cool to enjoy them sometimes! thanks for the permission. very good write. just what I needed to read right now. thank you.
    | Posted on 2006-01-29 00:00:00 | by sierramuse8 | [ Reply to This ]
      I loved the title and I loved the poem. Very old fashioned and, at least to me, that is NOT an insult. I like the old fashioned kind of writings and people think I'm wqeird becasue I'm so young and I like them. Oh well, I'll live. I always dwell on the "what-ifs" instead of the should have beens. It's horrible. your poem had a grand flow to it and I liked the "long line-short line" kinda thing you've got going on here. I can't find anyway else to put it, but it was fantastic. Check out some of my poems if you like. Great writing!
    | Posted on 2006-01-29 00:00:00 | by Toxic_Rayne | [ Reply to This ]
      i love the title.. 'tho i think there should be an
    apostrophe in sleep. "sleep's sweet throne..."
    i suffer from insomnia on occasion, and it can be
    like a beast, pacing in your mind of unrest.. it
    doesn't help to dwell on "should have beens" and things of that ilk.. they only haunt you and
    keep you from peace..

    well done! this has an old-world feel to i that
    i really like.

    peace,
    ~Cat
    | Posted on 2006-01-29 00:00:00 | by magnicat | [ Reply to This ]
      The nightmares of darken dreams that frightens one and at times seem so real and lifelike (or) the darkness of a dreadful disease that is a nightmare in itself.
    Whatever inspired this poem brought about a beautiful, emotional write. Very well done!

    Smiles,
    ~Linda
    | Posted on 2006-02-07 00:00:00 | by AlabamaFarmGirl | [ Reply to This ]
      I enjoyed everything about this piece - like Cat mentioned, it sounds of old world. I could picture someones face while screaming these things aloud and just wishing for a little reprieve and rest.

    Very well done - a fav!
    Love,Peace,Joy&Smilez 2 share
    tif
    | Posted on 2006-02-02 00:00:00 | by Epiphany | [ Reply to This ]


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