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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: pen and paper verse 2dots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: unknown soldier
    ASL Info:    17/kenner, La (N.O)
    Elite Ratio:    3.58 - 1348/1346/203
    Words: 285
    Class/Type: Lyrics/Passion
    Total Views: 241
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1761



    Description:
       another write about writing


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotspen and paper verse 2dots
    -------------------------------------------


    Lines heavy like carrying the weight of the many—brothas tempt me
    Stimulating thoughts of envy—I wanna bust these semis
    But restraint is a must—I won’t put any taint on our trust
    Can we have love without lust?
    It’s you and me—it’s the whole world against us
    Outlaws like Bonnie and Clyde—if I died, you’d still have to ride
    And find true happiness on the inside
    This is life, it has to get better—scribble so many letters
    Until they become words—haven’t you heard?
    That words become phrases
    My scars resurrect as my bars so I’ll be remembered for ages
    Flow’s sick, you can call it contagious
    Full of fear, but still hear—that’s what makes you courageous
    You’re scared brothas will rise up—then you should try not to enrage us
    Or engage us in battle—still forming words, this isn’t music it’s Scrabble
    You’re like a baby, you babble
    With rhymes limited to material wishes
    My rhymes make dividends without flows about bitches
    Spiritual wounds concealed within stitches
    My flow is more than malicious, it’s vicious
    Is this for real, or what I write down out of habit?
    Life is surreal, so I kneel
    Praying that life wasn’t so tragic

    This is what happens when pen meets paper
    You can get love and a buzz like pagers
    What I crave is to let the ink bleed on the page
    A musical slave that’s been released from his cage
    Living in a spiritual daze as I let loose this lyrical rage
    Clearly unfazed with hopes of letting ink bleed on the stage
    Realizing this may be the best time you’ve ever had
    This is what happens when you jot your life down on a pad




    Submitted on 2006-01-29 22:07:18     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      and i called myself the lyrical master lol. oh yea speaking of read my new...post thingy. (it's a cross between rap and urban poetry lol.) But yea my favorite line was:

    But restraint is a must—I won’t put any taint on our trust
    Can we have love without lust?
    It’s you and me—it’s the whole world against us
    Outlaws like Bonnie and Clyde—if I died, you’d still have to ride
    And find true happiness on the inside
    This is life, it has to get better—scribble so many letters
    Until they become words—haven’t you heard?
    That words become phrases
    My scars resurrect as my bars so I’ll be remembered for ages
    Flow’s sick, you can call it contagious

    i meant to say lines but you get me. This was nice as always keep up the good work.

    ~~Danni~~
    | Posted on 2006-02-01 00:00:00 | by Poeticprincess | [ Reply to This ]
      *bows to the lyrical genius* I have said this before and I'll say it again..this was some intense [censored] [censored]! [censored] the "hook" this had anything I couldda asked for! I loved this...this may have even been better than the first one..I hope the last onez as good cuz this is turning into ur best series yet. good stuff man.
    peace
    | Posted on 2006-02-01 00:00:00 | by silent_death12 | [ Reply to This ]
      Nicely done... (Bowing)

    I gives much respect. I saw some nice lyrical flare in there. I have my days when I just like to show off with some metaphors and similes and word play. This post seems like it was written on one of those days...Whenever it was written, it's fire!

    xXx
    | Posted on 2006-01-31 00:00:00 | by xtremegentleman | [ Reply to This ]
      I liked this piece and it's true about the power and spirituality found in words and writings. I liked, "Spiritual wounds concealed within stitches." Like you say you don't have to berate or belittle women to flow. I enjoy rap with content and hidden meanings.
    Great!
    Love,Peace,Joy&Smilez 2 share
    tif
    | Posted on 2006-01-30 00:00:00 | by Epiphany | [ Reply to This ]
      I felt the passion in this one more. I loved your flow and rhyming. I liked the part about bonnie and Clyde the most. I think this one was more fluent in it's flow. you did very boy. Great job.

    Maggie
    | Posted on 2006-01-30 00:00:00 | by Magnolia Steele | [ Reply to This ]
      ahhhhhh, everytime you have a new writ I can finally breathe again. Sometimes I feel like you speak for me, like the stuff I couldnt say, you say for me. Of course I dont even have to say how great it was...but dont worry, imma catch you when I find a not so good one. *winks*
    | Posted on 2006-01-30 00:00:00 | by SavedDragon | [ Reply to This ]
      The rhyming is excellent and great imagery adn passion, but this poem needs a hook. It is spread all over the paper and needs a unifying theme. There is love, anger, lust, protest, but no line to pull them all together. But you have great talent. Keep writing-just find a hook.
    | Posted on 2006-01-30 00:00:00 | by nodrelsnef | [ Reply to This ]
      Nice. Hope there is another one...wow.

    My rhymes make dividends without flows about [censored]es
    Spiritual wounds concealed within stitches
    My flow is more than malicious, it’s vicious
    Is this for real, or what I write down out of habit?

    Damn bro. Are you serious??? That is the BEST piece of a writing I have seen on this site man. Ur flowz are ill and I cannot wait for us to do a collabo like this and actually maybe put sum thought into like this man. Excellent job, can't wait for more :D PeaCe NiQQa
    | Posted on 2006-01-30 00:00:00 | by MC-Chillz | [ Reply to This ]



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