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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Fadedots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: Raivn
    ASL Info:    33/f/al
    Elite Ratio:    4.28 - 1222/916/231
    Words: 168
    Class/Type: Misc/Longing
    Total Views: 991
    Average Vote:    1.0000
    Bytes: 982



    Description:
       Spent some time with an old friend back a while ago. I'd forgotten the depth of my feelings for him. Well, my previous feelings for him...


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsFadedots
    -------------------------------------------


    I sat and watched the blue sky fade
    To a perfect shade of night.
    You sat beside me and we talked
    As the moon appeared in our sight.
    I'd forgotten how much I missed your smile
    I fell in love with your eyes
    I felt something stir inside of me
    And it took me by surprise.

    I sat and watched the blue sky fade
    And I longed to touch your hair
    I let myself forget for a while
    How much it hurts to care
    I wondered how your lips would taste
    And how your skin would feel
    I almost had myself convinced
    That you might not be real.

    I sat and watched the blue sky fade
    I saw stars sparkle in your eyes
    I watched your dog scamper in the grass
    I imagined fireflies
    I wished I could find the courage to tell you
    All these things that I've wanted to say
    I let that chance pass me by
    As I watched the blue sky fade.




    Submitted on 2006-01-30 11:10:25     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      This is such a touching and powerful piece. I felt the emotion as I read. It seems that a lot of people let their chance at love slip away as the blue sky fades. This just has such a nice flow to it and you really bring the images to life. Fact of the matter is, I loved this poem. It really touched me and I thank you for that.
    | Posted on 2006-03-14 00:00:00 | by lostpoet25 | [ Reply to This ]
      The feeling of longing in this poem is so strong. The flow is good and word choice it great. I can see the picture in my head and imagine what she feels. Also the last line ends the poem perfectly relaying the emotion of regret at the chance lost and maybe the massage to readers not to let that happen to them. Awsome write you have alot of talent.
    | Posted on 2006-02-01 00:00:00 | by Alura | [ Reply to This ]
      Raivn- I could relate to this longing- it does hurt to care- doesnt it? But we just cant help ourselves! I think once someone finds their way into your heart- they never leave- you can push them to the back of your mind- and TRY to forget- but oh no, its still there- this one was very wonderful to read- the way it progresses from day to night to another day again- very good- I enjoyed this once very much- Bonnie
    | Posted on 2006-01-31 00:00:00 | by delusional | [ Reply to This ]
      Oh wow Raivn. This poem was wonderful. It really showed how much you felt for this person, who I presume is the wise caterpiller. I loved how you spoke of imagining fireflies, the sky fading into the perfect shade of night, and your chance parting with the sky. It was wonderfully poetic, this poem was. Wonderful wonderful job.
    | Posted on 2006-01-30 00:00:00 | by jessie thomas | [ Reply to This ]
      i like how u began each stanza with :
    "I sat and watched the blue sky fade."
    it seemed to highlight that moment u had to tell him the way you felt, but instead allowing it to fade.. i like the way you described this moment, imagining the touch and taste. and stars being in his eyes. it flowed well. thanx for sharing.
    | Posted on 2006-01-30 00:00:00 | by vohomegirl | [ Reply to This ]
      There are so many lost opportunities in peoples lives caused by the lack of courage-I can relate to this poem so much it is scary. The rhyming scheme fit nicely into the overall flow of the poem. I did have to read the last verse just a little slower in order to make sure I kept the flow. I enjoyed the poem and could visualize without difficulty each verse written here. I could even picture myself thinking and feeling what was going on. I liked this. Thanks for the read.
    | Posted on 2006-01-30 00:00:00 | by auntwheezie | [ Reply to This ]


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