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AN IDEA


Author: marysunshine
ASL Info:    34, Female,
Elite Ratio:    4.48 - 610 /705 /75
Words: 68
Class/Type: Poetry /Misc
Total Views: 1570
Average Vote:    No vote yet.
Bytes: 459



Description:


I feel too tired to write these days. This kind of came to my brain at a moment of daydream. I figure not too many folks frequent my page anymore. Sorry I've been neglecting you. Thanks for checking me out.


AN IDEA



Cradled in the crook of an orange bough bending,
undulations in air
and caution ignored.

Teetering rock-a-bye sung by the sparrows
upward are green leaves
and infinity-sky.

Turn not to down where the boogey man looms
since falling and breaking
seems daring at best.

The test is in the tree where I’ll birth an idea
and leave it to grasp
or to die.




Submitted on 2006-01-30 11:17:45     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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Comments


  This is a beautifully expressed poem... however, I think there's two parts in this which could do with a subtle rewording/substitution perhaps: 'upward are green leaves' and 'turn not to down' - these two parts have rather awkward syntax - I don't know whether this is your own personal style but it doesn't ring right and I think better substitutions could be found.

But apart from those two little nitpicks I found this most enjoyable to read... the three line stanzas look visually appealing and it's concise and packed with imagery. I also like the tone of this piece... almost innocent and childlike... and grasping for inspiration can almost feel like that... the birth of an idea or gut instinct to scribble it all down onto paper before the moment is lost... I've been there many a time... and to link it with nature metaphors makes sense to me... for I think I garner a lot of inspiration from my natural surroundings too.

Sorry to blab lol... I enjoyed reading this and I tend to go on and on when I do.

Peace,

Jase
| Posted on 2006-03-30 00:00:00 | by alteredlife | [ Reply to This ]
  hey there stranger! i like the daring in this,
describing an idea the way you do.. throwing
caution to the wind, the idea a branch on the
tree, something to grasp or let die.. very
interesting and unique. i miss reading you and
will be back for more!

how is Don the Queen Cat?

peace,
~Cat& Cyrus
| Posted on 2006-02-10 00:00:00 | by magnicat | [ Reply to This ]
  This was great. Peaceful and paints the picture of what I see out the window right now.

The test is in the tree where I’ll birth an idea
and leave it to grasp
or to die

Very neat thought.
Such a lovely write. Good stuff maynard!
Thanks for sharing!
| Posted on 2006-02-03 00:00:00 | by hyproglo | [ Reply to This ]
  I enjoyed this Mary. It is was soft and thoughtful and written with lovely language. I only have one suggestion. The line

Turn not to down where the boogey man looms

drew me up short. I had to read it at least 3 times before it made sense to me. I would suggest a teeny change - "turn not down to where..." Simply moving the word 'to' over one word.

Other than that, it's really lovely. mae
| Posted on 2006-02-01 00:00:00 | by mae | [ Reply to This ]
  This is good food for thought. You've got some wise words in there. "Turn not to down here the boogey man looms since falling and reaking
seems daring at best."
. I wish more people understood that. In the second verse, I believe it should be "rock-a-by". Then again, I just remembered there's more than one spelling. Dismiss that point.

DeepDreamer2008
| Posted on 2006-01-30 00:00:00 | by DeepDreamer2008 | [ Reply to This ]
  This seems an interesting take on the old bedtime rhyme.

Rockabye baby in the treetops
When the wind blows, the cradle will rock
When the bow breaks, the cradle will fall
And down will come baby cradle and all

(I always thought that rhyme was scary as h#$* to little ones. Who wants to crash in their sleep?)

You've written an interesting take on the old theme. It's not your human baby in the tree; it's your newborn idea, a new concept or new thought. It might be a popular idea and rise to infinite blue or it could be ill recieved and crash toward that boogey man. In the end it will be out of your hands; it will be idea that rocks or crashes.

Nice write.

Steve
| Posted on 2006-01-30 00:00:00 | by Lost Sheep | [ Reply to This ]
  marysunshine

as i read this i become a little confused, i guess i dont really understand this. maybe im looking too far and the answer is there, but i must admit i cant help but to like it.

okay im going to break this down the best i can. this is all about an idea born from a tree branch...going up means endless possiblities of what it may become and down is where it ceases to be.

The test is in the tree where I’ll birth an idea
and leave it to grasp
or to die.

as i read the last part i cant help but feel this is left for the readers to do. you have an idea hanging by a branch and its up to the viewers to decide whether to hold or forget. but then again it could be about the writer to hang to the idea or let it slip. anyways thats my take on it. overall nicely done

jo
| Posted on 2006-01-30 00:00:00 | by Little_Woman | [ Reply to This ]


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