Description: It took me forever to get this right. What do you think? Too short? Just right? Boring, trite, wodnerful? Share, please.
This poem is supposed to be saying that you shouldn't be afraid to look at your dark side your 'night', if you will, because some of our most beautiful characteristics may be considered 'dark'. Don't be afraid to see both sides of yourself. Don't be afraid to see both sides of other people. There's beauty in your entire soul, don't pick and choose.
Beauty of the Dark -------------------------------------------
Ring out your soul into the deepest night
Where shadowy dreams take form; and then take flight
Remember all the beauties of the dark
Moonlight’s tallest tales written on Sky’s pale arc
Makes me think of stars, and how they are so beautiful in the night sky... To be so short, your imagery is amazing, whether you realize it or not, because that was honestly the first thing that came to my mind was stars. You did a really good job with this, it was very inspiring. ...bb...
This is crisp, clear and concise. It says a good deal in a short space and I'm fond of poetry that does so.
I would change a little of the wording to clear-up some stumbelling points caused by excess wordage and over-alliteration, particulary in the final line and maybe alternate the rhymed lines to alieviate the whispiness created by the aabb sceme. Just a suggestiuon:
Ring out your soul in the deepest night, Remember the beauty of the dark, Where shadowy dreams take form and flight; Moonlight's tales written on the Sky's pale arc.
The biggest impresson of the poem leaves the last line, where the consonant "l" is used repeatedly and makes a phonetic pauses in the reading and a retrospection to the first three lines. I always appreciate more the short poems, cause they are precise and clear. In your poem with a few words you say more than it can be said in a short story or even a small novel. That is very good. The first time I read it, I felt deeply "onyrical" - I felt the dreams from the past night are comming to my head. It is the missing of the interpunction which can force the reader to read the poem differently every time he reads it.
The imagery was powerful, as was the subject, but I think it was extremely short for such a topic. I mean, the description is longer. The poem should be able to stand alone, but I'd expect many to misinterpret the theme if you'd not explained your motive in the description. I also find your rhyme scheme doesn't fit your rhythm. You've done an "aabb" but the rhythm is "10-11 10-11" which is actually only suitable for an "abab". Does that make sense? I also suggest you write this in iambic pentametre. The first line is in perfect iambic pentametre, but you lose that down the piece.
yeah it is good in a way but i gues .. it is like of emotions.. here.. maybe if you givem more sentences and stuff like that to your work it would be better.. keep on writing hen and take care! victor!
Hmmm, it's not boring or trite, to be sure and it's got me thinking. Unfortunately, I'm thinking a bit at cross-purposes.
Ring out your soul into the deepest night This line has a bit of a desperate feel to it. To "ring out" as I've seen it used would be to ring a bell to call people from their homes for some kind of emergency. To ring out your soul into the night can only fortell some huge tragedy.
Where shadowy dreams take form; and then take flight This line, on the other hand, feels light and akin to children's literature. It might seem dark at first glance, but then the dark mystery takes flight, kind of like when a parent turns on the bedroom light.
Remember all the beauties of the dark This line has a simple, clean, beautiful night feeling. No mysteries or pain here, just a pretty night.
Moonlight’s tallest tales written on Sky’s pale arc This is a pretty line, but I'm not getting much from it. What are moonlight's tales? What stories do the nightbeams tell?
All in all, I think this is a pretty piece, but I'm not getting much from it. It leaves us in the end guessing at what you're trying to say and to me, that's never a good thing.
i like the gothic feel to this a lot, the darkness does have a certain beauty if looked at in this way. i like the way you personified the sky by writing it with a capital "S" as if it had a name. if its about self discovery, what have you discovered this way? i'm intrigued! ideas often germinate and grow during the night as its a time with no distractions, sometimes this is good because problems can be worked out, but if you're like me, things just seem worse and more exaggerated and i never "discover" anything. but i understand how the night is beautiful and really like the poem
ring out your soul into the deepest night where shadowy dreams take form; and then take flight remember all the beauties of the dark moonlights tallest tales written on Skys pale arc
as i read this i cant help but feel a religious, spiritual connection. i can see a little of self discovery maybe through reminiscing of the past. I have to admit, although this is short, it should be this way because it leaves the reader to think about what you are trying say. and no it is not boring at all. nicely done
Submission Name: Beauty of the Dark
