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    dots Submission Name: The upside of downhilldots

    Author: atonement
    Elite Ratio:    2.71 - 106/186/98
    Words: 160
    Class/Type: Misc/Misc
    Total Views: 603
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 870

       What are you looking for in terms of feedback? Any background information behind the piece? Hints? Is this just to vent? Emotional state while writing?

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    dotsThe upside of downhilldots

    Trapt in this room, no windows, no doors. I try to scream another voiceless plea, nothing again. I try to cry but my tears are toxic burning my pale flesh. My skin tears with the blade, strawberry gashes don't appear. I smile again look in the mirror and tell myself "It will be better tomorrow, just smile it will all be fine again".

    But sadly I know this is a lie, mom's isn't home, dad is burried six feet underground. But that doesn't bother me, he never wanted me anyways. Step-dad is drunk again trying to find the answer in the bottom of another bottle. I imagine my hands constricting arround his throat. I promised myself it wouldn't get this far again . I lied again to myself again, I lied to the world again. Make this end, make it go away. Right now, Im falling away. I know this the upside of downhill

    Submitted on 2006-01-30 12:22:24     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      I try to cry but my tear are toxic burning my pale flesh.
    I love that line. Watch your spelling. I think theres supposed to be an s at the end of tear.
    This is a very interesting piece. It's very intense, with the line about choking your step-dad and all, but it's also slightly teen angsty. Try writing it in a way that's different from a teen angst rant. I'm not sure how you would go about that, but i think you'd do a great job if you figured it out, because your emotion is so strong it bleeds through your writing. Nice job:)
    | Posted on 2006-01-30 00:00:00 | by Glassy Eyed | [ Reply to This ]

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