Writingpoetry

[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

dotsdots
nav
  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav



    nav
  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav



    << | >>
    poetry


    dots Submission Name: The Piece? Or the Cake?dots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: SouthrnQT
    ASL Info:    24/ Female/ Florida
    Elite Ratio:    4.51 - 290/271/31
    Words: 116
    Class/Type: Poetry/Friendship
    Total Views: 1527
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 784



    Description:
       Sometimes we are put through a tough time, only to find something brighter on the other side. I'm glad I didn't jump, because I had no idea what was waiting for me patiently. I thank the Lord for making me wait, for holding me back from what would have been a big mistake, because what I've found is beyond any treasure imaginable. I just want to thank this special someone for reminding me of who I am, and for making me smile again.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsThe Piece? Or the Cake?dots
    -------------------------------------------


    Life plays these funny games
    dancing upon my tender veins
    Keeping track of each inflicted pain
    Leaving behind an everlasting stain.

    Yet through each trial a hope emerges
    igniting my heart with fluttering surges
    helping to upheave the battering purges
    Keeping me sane as Love and Life merges.

    You've made me smile again
    It's nice to have such an understanding friend
    In just a short time, I've learned to bend
    Because of you, my heart's on the mend.

    Thank you for the time you take
    helping me up when I started to break
    reminding me of what was at stake
    losing myself for the piece, instead of waiting for the cake......





    Submitted on 2006-01-30 13:01:32     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      this is like seriously beautifully written, I mean, this friendship breaking through, just like that, it's aa wonderful senstaion and one would never hope for it to end...the ryhming was good, though in the second stanza you kinda lost it, I mean it just stopped werking and everything fell apart, but in the second stanza fyou came back strong and it was ll good again.
    I've alwas had that thing where a friendship saves the day and stop you from doing something you would later regret!, love this man!

    Holler
    | Posted on 2006-02-06 00:00:00 | by Writer Chic | [ Reply to This ]
      southerqt

    okay, great title. and now to the piece. again although ive never been in heartache relationships, i still like this. only through pain do we come out stronger and support through it all is even better. anyways to the poem. the rhyming had a good effect on it made it flow better. i stink at rhyming so i dont try it at all. overall this is good, and im glad you waited for the cake instead of taking the piece. nicely done

    jo
    | Posted on 2006-01-31 00:00:00 | by Little_Woman | [ Reply to This ]
      I really like the metaphor you have used here. The meaning behind the "piece" and "the cake" is very good. I know the kind of feelings you are experiencing. I have been there too. Heart ache is such a painful thing and a very confusing time. You will do most anything to make it stop. But that is where living and learning comes in and helps you along. Once you have been there and bounced back, you always have that point in life to return to for reference when you need it. You eventually learn that it really isnt the end that you once saw but instead a new beginning. It makes you stronger as a person to experience these painful times. And I love the final stanza here! A perfect ending that ties in your title beautifully. The hell with a piece, always go for the whole damn thing! Take care of yourself.

    Lorna
    | Posted on 2006-01-31 00:00:00 | by lmz | [ Reply to This ]
      My fellow Southerner,

    Thank you for the inspiration that you have giving to me through this poem. I was trippin over the same thing. I craved for the piece but the cake awaits. To analyze your poem:

    Life plays these funny games
    dancing upon my tender veins
    Keeping track of each inflicted pain
    Leaving behind an everlasting stain

    I know personally how you feel. You got my attention on this verse. I felt like there was more to know about this piece. Let's see!

    Yet through each trial a hope emerges
    igniting my heart with fluttering surges
    helping to upheave the battering purges
    Keeping me sane as Love and Life merges.

    This stanza just shocked my internal being. I was like damn. Give me more!

    You've made me smile again
    It's nice to have such an understanding friend
    In just a short time, I've learned to bend
    Because of you, my heart's on the mend.

    Thank you for the time you take
    helping me up when I started to break
    reminding me of what was at stake
    losing myself for the piece, instead of waiting for the cake...

    Those two stanza's were the finisher. If I could give you a recommendation it would be to subscribe to writer's Digest and submit your poems and story's so you can be noticed. You have a unique talent. Keep it southern. Keep giving elite that Southern Comfort they need.
    | Posted on 2006-01-30 00:00:00 | by B-Gentle | [ Reply to This ]
      Aw, this is beautiful and I can definitely relate. I'm feeling that way now, like just when I thought that there was nothing to look forward to, someone comes along and changes all that, and finally, life is worthwhile again... Anyway, this was really touching, and though I don't know the complete story, congratulations to you for finding happiness again. ...bb...

    XoXo
    ~Tayla~
    | Posted on 2006-01-30 00:00:00 | by Phoenix2004 | [ Reply to This ]
      Did I do that? No, indeed I did not. I think that God had a plan, and it wasn't a plan that included that other guy. See, persistance pays off. I would pat myself on the back, but that wouldn't be nice. I love this piece cutie, it even makes me feel as though I did something right for a change. As long as you let me, I'll keep doing just that, making you smile. (and scream, and cry out in blissful, oh. Sorry, this is the public comments isn't it, I'll save the rest for your inbox ;)

    Your personal AF1

    Grey
    | Posted on 2006-01-30 00:00:00 | by Greyson | [ Reply to This ]
      This is a beautifully inspiring poem. I'm glad you didn't make a huge mistake, and I hope this is a reminder for you never to lose hope in optimism. The poem is quite nice, and the rhyme scheme suits the theme, but it's kind of shaky in places, especially in stanza three. Take a look at this:

    "You have brought a smile to my lips again
    It's nice to have such a wonderful friend
    In just a short time, I have learned to bend
    Because of you, my heart is on the mend."


    It flows better without me changing much. Just a suggestion.

    DeepDreamer2008
    | Posted on 2006-01-30 00:00:00 | by DeepDreamer2008 | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?



    89409

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.


    Google
     


    poetry

    dotsLogindots

    User Name:

    Password:

    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]


    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems
    Posted

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]



    FontSize:
    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]
     Poetry