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The room is a wreck
Bottles on the table, dirty dishes
Smashed chips and popcorn litter the floor
Crumbs and spilled fluids on the chairs
There are gadgets strewn about the room
Some of them stepped on, broken
Furniture moved, placed in peculiar patterns
The TV cycles the intro screen to a DVD
Music plays softly from the computer
He lies sprawled on the couch
Dressed in nothing but his shorts
A hand over his face to block the light
One foot hanging over the side
He snorts once, rolls over
Oblivious as a cat runs from beneath him
It must have been quite a party last night
Particularly for a five year old
Sneaking around while dad’s asleep
| Very sweet, an believable. This was real. I can see the house torn apart, a dad exhausted upon the couch as his child finds multitudes to get into and take advantage of his fathers sleepiness. The things we take for granted are the some of the best memories we can make. I truly enjoyed this, thank you for painting this picture in my mind. In all the 'party' view, the only thing I can bring from this piece is the feeling of family. Great job.|
Praying for a smile,
|| Posted on 2006-05-12 00:00:00 | by 2ndChance | [ Reply to This ] || I completely did not expect the ending! You did very well at misleading the reader without any awkward spots. I assumed it was a teenage party with alcohol and all that, and that just shows that you can't get the whole meaning if you don't read the whole thing. This huge mess was made by one child? Ha! Good luck with him! ;)|
|| Posted on 2006-02-14 00:00:00 | by prettybaby | [ Reply to This ] || HA! HA!|
Oh man, the visuals are just too precious with this one Steve! Ya musta been in some deep sleep there man...luckily he didnt magic marker your face, HA! Now that would have been priceless...hee-hee! Ooooo...ummm...do ya still have eyebrows? Hee-hee!
This is a great read. thanks for sharing.
|| Posted on 2006-02-10 00:00:00 | by hyproglo | [ Reply to This ] || Im at a time in my life where I am going to bed before my parents. I no longer seem to need tucking in. In fact it's more often them than me.|
I agree, without the description it sounds like the 5 year old on the couch. Not sure why though, as on second read it's definitely obvious. I don't know if that's what you were going for and I'm not sure whether it works or not. I think I like it though.
|| Posted on 2006-02-08 00:00:00 | by Predator | [ Reply to This ] || Oh my, I can't even count how many times this has happened to me. I usually didn't fall asleep before my boys, they were just awake before me. I still know the feeling too well. |
This was lovely Steve. Thanks for taking me back to those days.
|| Posted on 2006-02-17 00:00:00 | by lenotoire | [ Reply to This ] || Steve|
This write created quite a visual
This write actually drew me back to my childhood and my mischievous mind would always want to play while Mom was away
Thank You for bringing back good memories
And Thank You for the advice on my poetry
I will definately take it to Heart
Im finding it a little hard to change my style of writing as thru comments I can see my writings do strongly affect people
|| Posted on 2006-02-20 00:00:00 | by Ronswords | [ Reply to This ] || In reading the poem before the description, I was taken-back a bit ( in a humorous way) when I realized it was in fact YOU sprawled out on the sofa, and not your little boy. |
As a mother of four (all grown now) I've came in on moments like this when I would leave them with their Dad.
I love "reality" poems.. and this one is no exception. The imagery and wording was just so that it put a smile on when reaching the end.
It fits perfectly under "love".
|| Posted on 2006-02-07 00:00:00 | by Intricate1 | [ Reply to This ] || Been there, done that. although I got away with it the mrs would have killed me. |
Well captured, it brought a smile to my face, and I hope he didn't do too much damage. I found myself painting several walls again after my little angel found the desk tidy.
|| Posted on 2006-02-03 00:00:00 | by Vastmark | [ Reply to This ] || Hahahahaha! This is adorable! hee hee! Sounds like you son had himself quite the time while you were snoozing! You capture the events quite well with your words. I can picture the little darling sneaking around trying to be quiet and he is aware of the freedom that he has found while you are sleeping. I bet you have learned a valuable lesson from all of this too...as long as you are asleep, it cant be your fault! hahahaha! Thanks for the smile with this cute little account of your evening! Take care.|
|| Posted on 2006-01-31 00:00:00 | by lmz | [ Reply to This ] || This makes me nostelgic for when Sel was small. Makeup rubbed into the carpet and all the neighbours kids tearing through the house. Make the most of the mess it's worth it. They grow up too fast. |
|| Posted on 2006-01-31 00:00:00 | by comradenessie | [ Reply to This ] || Being the friend that Chell was visiting, I feel compelled to come help clean up. Or did she make him do it? lol |
This is really cute, and does give the feeling of a wild adult party that the host just passed out where he lay. Finding out it was Micah just makes it all the funnier! I hope he had a blast, so that it was worth the day on the couch the next day! lol
|| Posted on 2006-01-31 00:00:00 | by onetruesmartass | [ Reply to This ] || This was incredibly adorable. You and Chell must have your hands full, judging by the poems that you have! lol|
I too had thought that this was about a drinking party gone seiously awry and then I reached the end and couldn't help but laugh! They always seem to know when you really have no clue as to what is going on. Very cute!
|| Posted on 2006-01-31 00:00:00 | by dreamweaver | [ Reply to This ] || Lost Sheep|
...this is adorably hilarious. I guess you know now never to fall asleep before your son. I guess if I was that age and my father wouldve fell asleep I wouldve done the same thing, take advantage of the situation and have a good time. It seems like quite a mess from one little person, you must of been knocked out for while. nice little write here.
|| Posted on 2006-01-31 00:00:00 | by Little_Woman | [ Reply to This ] || OK, I now know that Chell and you are married. WOW I would have never guessed.|
At first I thought it was the adult that had the party and was suffering from a hang over and then the ending gives me a large jolt of laughter.
The lead up to the end was great because you keep the reader interested in the write by giving all the details from a party that most of us have had before. The ending was a clasic and I can imagine a five year old running around creating havoc until he tuckers out and passess out. Then again I could say that the adult had the party and blamed it on the little one. HEE HEE HEE
Nice write and funny ending
Respect and Admiration
|| Posted on 2006-01-30 00:00:00 | by Wisdom Seeker | [ Reply to This ] || That's our boy! We are in for some ride with this one, aren't we??|
His night of rabble rousing has caught up with him today; he's parked on the couch because he was too tired ("My knee cap hurts!") to go to school.
I liked this piece, it is humorously accurate!
I have to go clean the living room now,
I love you!
|| Posted on 2006-01-30 00:00:00 | by Chell | [ Reply to This ] |