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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: when rain strikesdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: She Is Insane
    Elite Ratio:    3.21 - 40/60/32
    Words: 307
    Class/Type: Poetry/Passion
    Total Views: 1259
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1805



    Description:
       :?

    lesbianic uhm sexual .. encounters?
    I put it under poetry. :|


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotswhen rain strikesdots
    -------------------------------------------


    We ran and ran until we reached the end.
    She headed for the salty lake that lay ahead,
    Moreover, as I watched her undressed herself and splashed
    Around and come out like a mythological creature, looking
    All mystical and celestial, I envisioned her cradled
    In my arms as I kissed her temple.

    But I did nothing of what I fantasized
    Because she wasn’t for me, so, instead
    I swam to where she was, drenched in
    The holy water from where her goddess-like
    Body count drifted. She laughed as the
    Clouds collected in the sky and lightning
    Collide with the tree closer to us.

    She, the nymphet, drew closer to me
    Her shoulders brushing against me as
    The waves splashed against our motionless
    Bodies and lost consciousness.
    I told her, “Don’t,” but that did not stop
    Her from becoming a 4’9 school girl to
    Another name in my list. And I
    Taste her mouth - salt and vodka mixed together -
    I caressed her soft skin as we rolled around
    In the sand.

    Everything was lost, it was all just rushed faces,
    Lost identities going out of focus, mingling with
    Rain, the dusty corners of a strong drink,
    And the pungent smell of sex. My heart
    Race faster between this backward kisses,
    Coming from a girl and not a boy.

    Boys: hard and fast and usually
    Ending on top of a girl while she
    Wonders if she came or not. No -
    This is different and as I relinquished
    Into the calmness of her heart pace
    And everything that tastes , seems
    Good for now, everything feels
    A L L R I G H T.
    For now.
    At least.





    Submitted on 2006-01-30 21:12:27     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      ok, so things are a bit murky, and I'm not sure if you wanted them that way or not, but I think it works. You have moments of lucidity and maybe that confused me a bit.

    I probably wouldn't have thought this was lesbianic(sp?) if you hadn't said that thing about boys, but I guess I understand how some boys are only concerned about themselves and it's a totally different thing with women.

    The only thing I would suggest is to... well I'm not sure how to say it. Hmmm. I think go back and keep everything murky and grey in your imagery. Add grey somewhere. Like right in front of 'clouds' in the second stanza.

    Sorry if that didn't help any.
    But it is a great piece.
    ~Michael
    | Posted on 2006-01-30 00:00:00 | by Blaargh | [ Reply to This ]


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