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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Before Goodbyedots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: dreamweaver
    ASL Info:    28/f/WI
    Elite Ratio:    7.22 - 1022/443/42
    Words: 66
    Class/Type: Misc/Misc
    Total Views: 1274
    Average Vote:    3.5000
    Bytes: 472



    Description:
       Sometimes life just gets to be too much and we act on impulse. I guess this is my reminder to people to seriously think twice.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsBefore Goodbyedots
    -------------------------------------------


    Before you close the door,
    turn and look into these eyes.
    Forget the tears.
    Remember us as we were.

    Touch my face,
    calm these fears.
    Lose yourself in me,
    let everything fade.
    It's just you and me.

    My kiss,
    don't allow your lips to resist.
    Pull me close,
    feel the warmth of our embrace.

    Before you tell me goodbye,
    remember where you belong.




    Submitted on 2006-01-31 08:46:37     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

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    ||| Comments |||
      I have felt this longing before. The want and desire to go back to the places and times when love made sense with someone. However, I have been the one who wanted to walk out. I have been the one to turn, look into eyes of pain, and walk out...simply because people change. People change and grow apart. Circumstances in life prevent and hinder relationships. I just can't wait for the day when I meet the one who will never walk out on me and whom I will never walk out on.
    Great job here. I really like this.

    Mary Yesterday
    | Posted on 2007-01-03 00:00:00 | by Mary Yesterday | [ Reply to This ]
      That made me so sad.

    I'm sure there's not much I can say that hasn't already been said, but I'm gonna proceed anyway.

    Sometimes acting on impulse is the worst way to go about doing something, especially when it comes to things like that.
    ...Well, other things too, I guess. I suppose thats why there's voluntary manslaughter.

    Anyway, I like this.
    Yes, it made me sad, but to be sad is to feel, and for something to make someone feel, then (in my opinion) that means it's good.

    Very nicely done
    -nikkki
    | Posted on 2006-10-06 00:00:00 | by Liv2LoveThePain | [ Reply to This ]
      many of us tend to act on impulse. this was a nice way to put it. make sure you think long and hard about what you are doing wether it be in love or just in life. great work
    | Posted on 2006-09-09 00:00:00 | by lili | [ Reply to This ]
      This was beautiful, I've touched on this before, but in a slightly different manner (if you are interested, check out my poem "One Last Kiss Before You Go"). Sometimes, what is needed to save a relationship is so simple that it seems almost laughable. What we perceive to be so insignificant can make such a huge difference.

    If we talked more, could we have fixed this?
    If I listened more, would he still be here?
    If I paid more attention, would she have stayed?

    All little things that we don't bother to question until it's too late. Very good job. ...bb...

    XoXo
    ~Tayla~
    | Posted on 2006-04-23 00:00:00 | by Phoenix2004 | [ Reply to This ]
      That conclusion is wonderful. A tender poem simply expressed and a lovely twist on that last line. You paint the face beautifully, lips, face, eyes.
    Very nicely done
    nessie
    | Posted on 2006-04-12 00:00:00 | by comradenessie | [ Reply to This ]
      You set the scene well...
    when two are standing at a crossroads in their relationship (or most likely, marriage) and the one being left feels helpless.. yet determind if the other walks out, there will be no returning. I see that as why they plead for the other to think their actions through.

    I particular like this line..

    "Forget the tears.
    Remember us as we were."

    That speaks of a love once shared.. and the longing for its return.

    Perhaps change "it's just you and me" -to- "it's just you and I"?

    You chose a good ending line to wrap up the piece. "remember where you belong".

    Good Writing!
    | Posted on 2006-04-10 00:00:00 | by Intricate1 | [ Reply to This ]
      I wonder how many relationships would be saved if they all read this before they closed the door, a good few ill bet Another great write candi and sorry i took so long to read it but i wanted to read it properly and not just skim through it,as you know im a busy chap lol.This also portrays i think that although once two hearts were beating to the same drum ,alas when things go wrong one heart only is broken and the power of wanting to change the other heart back has been the focus of many a good write as this is ,take care candi keep em coming
    Graham
    | Posted on 2006-04-03 00:00:00 | by gd66uk | [ Reply to This ]
      this very much resonates for me.. when someone leaves you and says goodbye, and you aren't ready for that, you wish that you could pull them back to you to dance in the beautiful memories you shared.

    Before you tell me goodbye,
    remember where you belong.

    this is heartbreaking, because in the end, if they choose to leave, perhaps they didn't belong there in the first place. or maybe the relationship has played out it's purpose and it is time to move on. food for thought...

    well done.

    peace,
    ~Cat
    | Posted on 2006-02-28 00:00:00 | by magnicat | [ Reply to This ]
      I love the way you broke thelines before the tears/ fears rhymed!! THis is nice and anyone going trough a aponful, regretful break up can relate.. Although I'm more of a im leaving and if you know what's good for you, you better follow kind of person!!
    | Posted on 2006-06-15 00:00:00 | by mimi | [ Reply to This ]
      Candi...I don't know what to say to this one. It was just simply beautiful. I can feel the pain in this so much, because I've been there before. You captured the true feelings of a person who do not want to let go, and who still is in love. Very descriptive with your feelings and what was needed to ease this person pain. I loved the last two lines the most. They just were so intense and...realistic. This was very good. Drop me a line to let me know how you are doing these days.

    Maggie
    | Posted on 2006-02-12 00:00:00 | by Magnolia Steele | [ Reply to This ]
      Nothing confusing about this one (although I'm fairly certain people leave relationships less because they've fallen out of love and more because they've grown restless. I imagine that's the primary reason they take what they once loved for granted.). Some don't remember where they belong until there's no place left they can call home. Sad. This is a well written, stripped down glimpse into the hopeful heart trying to bring a vagabond lover to their senses. Nicely done. Take care. Bill.
    | Posted on 2006-03-10 00:00:00 | by rws | [ Reply to This ]
      i really like this poem i can feel alot of emotion coming from it when i read it i think that you did an excellant job on it and i hope to read more of your poems especially if they're all like this one
    | Posted on 2006-02-15 00:00:00 | by twotroubledteen | [ Reply to This ]
      I was so touched by this piece. Indeed many of us tend to act on impulse only to implement decisions that will haunt us for the rest of our gross lives..Nevertheless, this was a very bold write, the kind you read when u are contemplating on calling it quits...especially if it means leaving something so dear for something you are uncertain of. However the final decision rests upon us and acting without reasoning can be very costly. This piece fervently points that out hey..I need to print this one out so next time I think of TERMINATING ANOTHER RELATIONSHIP OR COMMITMENT...I CAN HAVE a reference point hahahah but I am really inspired...this was definately my fav verse "Before you tell me goodbye,
    remember where you belong." What a verse!THANK U4 SHARING...Be happy..Nobantu
    | Posted on 2006-02-21 00:00:00 | by Nobantu | [ Reply to This ]
      thanx for yor comment on expression i am glad you stopped by as it gave me a chance to read some good poetry its to bad i had deleted most of my poetry i think i've had 450 on the site and alot more meaning full than the one you read
    your post was very good lots of everyday life emotions
    well done great read
    sandman
    | Posted on 2006-02-07 00:00:00 | by sandman | [ Reply to This ]
      I really like this one
    To me you were referring to Love and how important it is in everyones life
    I believe you were saying to your soulmate in one last plea look deep at the love we share before you step away and realize how gifted we two truly are
    I thank You for sharing this
    God Bless
    Ron
    | Posted on 2006-02-07 00:00:00 | by Ronswords | [ Reply to This ]
      Candi,

    st1: the door may be a physical door and it may be figurative meaning that person is in the position to close themselves off to any indication of returning love. From one soul to the other looking into the eyes; to have the fix and gaze as if to see into the depth of the soul. The turning denotes someone has their back to you as if they do not want to face you and/or you are being ignored. Also there is another meaning for me here it is there is a choice the person has to make either to go or to turn, even though the one who wants so desperately for the person to turn there is always that choice there. Turning from past ways comes into play there. Forgetting the tears is interesting, I would think that seeing those tears would cause someone to see the pain and state of sadness the person is in. perhaps to see past the tears and heartache that the person has inflicted, while also being reminiscent about those days when love was in bloom. So looking into the eyes and giving all those other sentiment it tells me this: that the person is saying “look there is no bitterness nor regret” It seems apparent that all the person want to do is love the other. In these four lines there is forgiveness though it is not mentioned; it is there in between the lines.

    st2: the touching and on the next time the calming go hand in hand this goes all the way back to when a person was a baby, to feel that warmth from another does alleviate many fears. ~to lose oneself in another person~ this means to me that the person is no longer in the “I” mode but is in the “we” mode in the throes of passion to where the next line comes in beautifully let everything fade to me means to let the entire world melt away and fully enjoy the existence of each other, which is the last line.

    st3: there is a desire for passion to simply to kiss and hold each other close.

    st4: (yes I looked up what defines a stanza and believe it, two or more lines can be considered a stanza) ok the last line I have mixed feelings on: one is that there is a feeling of possession as in “you belong to me” the other is the belong that is the more lighter perception of it and that is to have a proper place as in you “belong in the embrace of my arms” I think the second was meant even though there is a ring, I think you wanted to impart longing and not ownership.

    wonderful heartfelt piece a strong desire to be loved, may you have all the joys in life Candi, in love and everywhere else. Take care,

    ~mike
    | Posted on 2006-02-01 00:00:00 | by inspirit999 | [ Reply to This ]
      This gives me a sad feeling...it's filled with lots of emotion and wanting. It was good, none-the-less.

    Kris
    | Posted on 2006-01-31 00:00:00 | by Raindrops | [ Reply to This ]
      My this is very well done.
    My only suggestion would be take awat the 'pleading'!
    No one should need to lower themselves to plead for love. It must be offered freely or it will ultimately fail.
    Yes, the feelings are from deep within, but so must his love.
    A scar will heal far faster than the a torn away piece from the heart.
    But to mention; Please consider what we're tossing away, is a valid question from one lover to another.
    A very moving piece indeed!
    later
    | Posted on 2006-01-31 00:00:00 | by Clayton | [ Reply to This ]
      Nice one!
    Yeah, sometimes acting on impulse is just flat out dumb...especially when it comes to matters of the heart.
    I liked the ending. It was just the way it should be ended. That third stanza was marvelous too. The whole thing just makes me think of stuff...now I am gonna have to borrow some asprin from you! Hee-hee!

    Thanks for sharing!
    | Posted on 2006-01-31 00:00:00 | by hyproglo | [ Reply to This ]
      candi

    i must say not bad at all...kiss me once more before you close that door so you know what youll be missing if you walk out kinda thing...i like it. i guess thats why goodbyes are always hard or so i hear. i have to agree with your description, think twice before acting on impulse. i tend to do that act without thinking it through. but in this situation doing that could mean losing everything...dont know never been there. anyways i guess ill stop talking and say nicely done.

    jo
    | Posted on 2006-01-31 00:00:00 | by Little_Woman | [ Reply to This ]
      Good, thought-provoking piece.

    Before you close the door,
    turn and look into these eyes-
    pleading.


    I love the power of the first line. "Before you close the door" tells us all we need in terms of background. "Turn and look into these eyes" sets the theme for the entire piece. On the other hand, I'm not sure "pleading" is adding a lot. The poem as a whole tells us that you don't want it to end here. Pleading seems to add a bit of desperation, that isn't in the rest of the piece.

    Forget the tears.
    Remember us as we were.

    Every relationship has good times or it wouldn't have happened in the first place. How often, we forget those good times!

    Before you tell me goodbye,
    remember where you belong.


    The perfect ending. It's close enough to a repeat to wrap things up nicely, but it adds a new angle on the thought.

    Spectacular work.

    Steve
    | Posted on 2006-01-31 00:00:00 | by Lost Sheep | [ Reply to This ]
      Ahhh! This is a very deep and meaningful poem you have here. I agree with every word of it. So often we tend to let our emotions get the best of us, in particular, anger. It causes us to act on impulse and almost always ends in regret. This is a very good message here as you remind people to stop and think before they act to avoid making a regretable mistake. Sometimes we forget just what it is about a person that drew us in to begin with and if we can remember to try and recapture that feeling, many relationships could have another breath to take. Very good poem here. I am happy that you are posting again! Just dont make me wait so long next time...hahaha! Take care.

    Lorna
    | Posted on 2006-01-31 00:00:00 | by lmz | [ Reply to This ]
      think twice... little confused... i thought from reading it ... that it was suppose to be about losing ure self in the moment... oh well i guess it is... i don't like good byes... they make me sad and this write makes me think of all those sad good byes... which i guess makes it a really good poem...
    talent in writing is to make some one think, get them caught up in the emotion too... you've deffinatly achieved this here.
    congrats..
    good poem... makes me think... perhaps a little too much.
    so sad... not to linger... also good write.
    keep writing.

    xox jen
    | Posted on 2006-01-31 00:00:00 | by thoughts | [ Reply to This ]
      Wow. A lot of people have liked this one. Well, it's quite pretty and emotional. I think it was rather hopeful, saying 'before you say goodbye remember where you belong'. It seems as though the goodbye has become impermanent.
    At any rate, I enjoyed this one. Thank you for sharing it.
    ^_^

    ~Birdie~
    | Posted on 2006-04-19 00:00:00 | by MaeBirdie | [ Reply to This ]


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