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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Have Mercydots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: SouthrnQT
    ASL Info:    24/ Female/ Florida
    Elite Ratio:    4.51 - 290/271/31
    Words: 184
    Class/Type: Poetry/Broken
    Total Views: 1256
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1209



    Description:
       I've been battling feelings, sick inside, fading away. I've lost myself. And though there's a hand held out to me, I won't reach out to it, as if I don't recognize this hand, and I'm waiting for something that will never come. I have to let go.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsHave Mercydots
    -------------------------------------------


    Keeping me captive, keeping me weak
    I'm drowning in this emotion they call regret;
    I'm only one soul, one heart
    I beg to you.....Mercy;
    Was your grasp so tight, so true
    that even the heavens won't let me let you go?
    I've lost myself in transition
    become my own jigsaw puzzle piece;
    Why does your memory haunt me
    encompassing my every thought, my dreams?
    I sit here, emotionally naked before you
    I'm pleading for my heart, convicted by the past;
    Your jury finds me guilty...guilty of what?
    I'll live out this sentence in my own purgatory;
    Life now fails in comparison
    Left to scrape the remains of what once was;

    One last prayer, will he hear my cries?
    Release me from this cage of self destruction;
    Where is the light that once shined upon me
    to guide me to my place, to my path;
    Take these crumpled pieces of what was me
    Make me whole again, bring me back from the damned.

    Here I'll wait, hanging from this ledge
    holding my breathe
    Rescue me.

    Where is the heart I once knew?




    Submitted on 2006-01-31 09:47:52     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
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    4: Pretty cool
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    ||| Comments |||
      This is a very heartfelt poem. A love like this is so hard to get over. I know, I have been there. It seems at times you would do anything to fix things. You would even compromise your own self respect if you thought it would help. The only good thing about this kind of pain is the growth that you achieve as you go through something like this. And you never see the positive when you are stuck in the middle of it, but after time has passed, wounds heal, and then you see things differently. You too, will find this. It just takes time. I hope you are doing better every day. And ya know, if you have to ask where the heart is that you once knew, perhaps that heart only showed you what it wanted you to see, and not what it really was. Please take care of yourself.

    Lorna
    | Posted on 2006-02-11 00:00:00 | by lmz | [ Reply to This ]
      I'm only one soul...one true heart...and within such lies a love so pure from reading this...maybe i am seeing though different eyes than the other comments...it refuses death and lives on...the reality of which is it remains with us long after all has paled and faded...the reality is love itself...is about induring pain...for if we are not dynamic...if we do not feel this burning pure flame that painfully sears our very heart...then who are we? are we really living? or merely exsisting as a shadow upon the ground?
    Nice to see you again, its been a long time, hugs love.

    ~Alan
    | Posted on 2006-02-14 00:00:00 | by MidnghtScorpion | [ Reply to This ]
      Southern Compadre,

    You are a deep and inspirational person. When I first read the piece, I thought you were talking to God. I read it again and I realized you were talking about someone you fell in love with. The poem itself is the epitamy of you. My hats are off to you. You are truly a talented artist. You poetry is artistic!
    | Posted on 2006-01-31 00:00:00 | by B-Gentle | [ Reply to This ]
      southernQT

    a very emotionally powerful piece. although i must admit ive never been in a relationship like that, but it saddens me to read it. the character begging to mercy for the one heart to come back to her but wanting to let go...talk mixed emotions and confused. your words are very descriptive and compelling, this is good. i hope she finds a way to be free from her torment and i wish her the best.

    jo
    | Posted on 2006-01-31 00:00:00 | by Little_Woman | [ Reply to This ]
      overall i think you did a decent job, but...well i saw a few tiny things that can be cleaned up a bit:

    "I beg to you...Mercy"

    that doesnt really make any sense...is the line supposed to be i beg you to have mercy? not too sure about the flow of that.

    also you slip in and out of topic, i understand you are trying to show guilt, and suffering, but the switching so quickly between topics, had me a little lost as to the actual subject...
    for example switching up between

    "jigsaw puzzle piece" then you jump to "i sit here, emotionally naked before you" then you state you are "hanging from this ledge" again, the transitions are a little confusing, you are showing too many imagines and none of them are matching...

    i think if you would have stuck to the topic on Guilt, such as "his jury condeming you" and "being locked in a cage" and such, it would help affect the flow of this piece a little better...

    and lastly:

    "holding my breathe"

    shouldnt that be breath??

    anyways just a few personal suggestions. thanks for the read!

    -Nikki

    | Posted on 2006-01-31 00:00:00 | by stolie77 | [ Reply to This ]
      This was excruciatingly painful. You pull out every raw emotion and let us right into your core. That's one thing that draws me to your writing. Reading this, I ache for you and hope that somehow you pull through this in a hurry! Take it easy and this was a very good write. Painful, but very good.

    Candi
    | Posted on 2006-01-31 00:00:00 | by dreamweaver | [ Reply to This ]
      From what I can see you're cleansing yourself. Or trying to. This is painful to read, I let myself, as the reader go for the ride through your hurt and let myself feel what you're describing here which can only be described as mutilating when it comes to the heart. You're holding it all in, waiting for something or as I hate to think, someone that will never save you, because he's moved on. Forgive yourself and let go Avry, that person you think you've lost is in there somewhere, lost under the sea of tears you've been crying. Take the hand that's being held out to you. You deserve to be free from this kind of pain.

    I can't critique something that holds so much emotion, you've described this as only you could. All your writing shows that you're a woman that isn't afraid the drop the towel and reveal the inside.

    The line I will never be able to let go of here, the line that hooked me and made me want to hold you, that made me want to console you was this-

    I'm only one soul, one heart
    I beg to you...Mercy

    and this-

    I sit here, emotionally naked before you
    I'm pleading for my heart, convicted by the past;


    You write from your gut, from your heart, like you'll never get to write again. You don't just make it pretty, you make it real.

    This is a favorite. Let's hope in time this favorite will be a memory for you.

    Grey
    | Posted on 2006-01-31 00:00:00 | by Greyson | [ Reply to This ]
      Let me see here...hmmmm...well all I can really say...is that people do not like holding their breath. People do not like being left in the cold not knowing which direction someone or something is taking them. And I think that some do this and afterwards don't realize the pain that they have caused. Then...they want to turn around and others get even more hurt by the first one's actions.

    It's a cycle.

    Obviously by looking at your description...you have given another some kind of hope. You have given them a reason to believe that they can get into your heart. So...how did they get that chance...if you have this devoted love to the other?

    Li Li
    | Posted on 2006-01-31 00:00:00 | by Munchie_1226 | [ Reply to This ]


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